inspiration.”
From that day on my grandfather spent the entire day on the veranda talking to his bonsai.
I didn’t learn this until later, but the probation officer used to work for the ward office. He took a position as a guide at the Garden of Longevity, when he retired, and volunteered to monitor my grandfather’s probation.
He’s dead now. As soon as he died, my grandfather and I felt as if a huge boulder had been lifted off our heads.
My grandfather? He’s still alive, but he’s a senile old man who sleeps most of the day. He has no idea who I am. I change his diapers and work like crazy to look after him, but he just points at me and asks me who I am. Occasionally he’ll call my mother’s name, and say things like, “Better do your homework or you’ll end up a thief!” Each time I’m tempted to respond, “Yeah, well, look who’s talking! You’re the one who turned out to be the thief.” As long as grandfather is alive, I can continue to live in his government-sponsored apartment, so I can’t come down on him too hard.
Oh, yes, I want my grandfather to live a long and frugal life. It seems the word inspiration has completely evaporated from his brain. I wore myself out two years ago trying to take care of him, so I had to put him in the ward-managed Misosazai Nursing Home.
My grandfather really did work as a handyman, and I did more than just 3 5
N A T S U O K I R I NO
answer the phone for him. When I could I was happy to help him with his jobs. I really enjoyed it, especially since I hadn’t had a lot of contact with people until then. Hardly anyone came to visit us when I was Uttle. My father preferred to associate with people from his own country, but even then he rarely included his family. My mother didn’t associate with others in the neighborhood. She didn’t have a single friend. She never came to meet our teachers or sit in on our classes. Needless to say, she didn’t belong to the Parent-Student Association. That’s the kind of family I had.
I never thought Yuriko would return to Japan and ruin everything.
But four months after moving to Switzerland, my mother committed suicide. Before she died I’d gotten a number of letters from her, but I hadn’t sent her a single note in return. That’s right. Not one.
I have a few of her letters still with me and will be happy to show them to you. As much as I read them, I never imagined she’d commit suicide.
That’s because I never dreamed Mother had such a hidden store of pain.
Until she actually chose suicide, I never even noticed that she wanted to bid this world farewell. But what really surprised me was that Mother had the courage to take her own life.
How are you? The three of us are well. How are you getting along with your grandfather? He’s much more decisive than me, so I suspect the two of you are hitting it off. I wanted to let you know, though, that you don’t have to give Grandfather a single yen more than the ¥40,000 that we’ve promised to pay each month. You have to take care of things at your end and can’t rely on us. But I’m transferring a small sum to your bank account. This is to be your own spending money, so keep it secret from your grandfather. And if he manages to wheedle a loan out of you, be sure to get him to write out a promissory note. These are your father’s instructions that I’m passing along.
By the way, how’s your schoolwork? I can’t believe you made it into such an elite high school! I brag about you whenever I run into another Japanese person here. And although Yuriko has yet to say anything, I’m sure she is furious with jealousy. Please keep up your studies; it’s great incentive for Yuriko! You can always better her with your brains.
I suppose the cherry blossoms have all but fallen in Japan. I 3 6
G R O T E S Q U E
miss the Yoshino cherries. They must have been so beautiful when the blossoms were at their peak. I’ve not seen any cherry trees in Bern. I’m sure they
From that day on my grandfather spent the entire day on the veranda talking to his bonsai.
I didn’t learn this until later, but the probation officer used to work for the ward office. He took a position as a guide at the Garden of Longevity, when he retired, and volunteered to monitor my grandfather’s probation.
He’s dead now. As soon as he died, my grandfather and I felt as if a huge boulder had been lifted off our heads.
My grandfather? He’s still alive, but he’s a senile old man who sleeps most of the day. He has no idea who I am. I change his diapers and work like crazy to look after him, but he just points at me and asks me who I am. Occasionally he’ll call my mother’s name, and say things like, “Better do your homework or you’ll end up a thief!” Each time I’m tempted to respond, “Yeah, well, look who’s talking! You’re the one who turned out to be the thief.” As long as grandfather is alive, I can continue to live in his government-sponsored apartment, so I can’t come down on him too hard.
Oh, yes, I want my grandfather to live a long and frugal life. It seems the word inspiration has completely evaporated from his brain. I wore myself out two years ago trying to take care of him, so I had to put him in the ward-managed Misosazai Nursing Home.
My grandfather really did work as a handyman, and I did more than just 3 5
N A T S U O K I R I NO
answer the phone for him. When I could I was happy to help him with his jobs. I really enjoyed it, especially since I hadn’t had a lot of contact with people until then. Hardly anyone came to visit us when I was Uttle. My father preferred to associate with people from his own country, but even then he rarely included his family. My mother didn’t associate with others in the neighborhood. She didn’t have a single friend. She never came to meet our teachers or sit in on our classes. Needless to say, she didn’t belong to the Parent-Student Association. That’s the kind of family I had.
I never thought Yuriko would return to Japan and ruin everything.
But four months after moving to Switzerland, my mother committed suicide. Before she died I’d gotten a number of letters from her, but I hadn’t sent her a single note in return. That’s right. Not one.
I have a few of her letters still with me and will be happy to show them to you. As much as I read them, I never imagined she’d commit suicide.
That’s because I never dreamed Mother had such a hidden store of pain.
Until she actually chose suicide, I never even noticed that she wanted to bid this world farewell. But what really surprised me was that Mother had the courage to take her own life.
How are you? The three of us are well. How are you getting along with your grandfather? He’s much more decisive than me, so I suspect the two of you are hitting it off. I wanted to let you know, though, that you don’t have to give Grandfather a single yen more than the ¥40,000 that we’ve promised to pay each month. You have to take care of things at your end and can’t rely on us. But I’m transferring a small sum to your bank account. This is to be your own spending money, so keep it secret from your grandfather. And if he manages to wheedle a loan out of you, be sure to get him to write out a promissory note. These are your father’s instructions that I’m passing along.
By the way, how’s your schoolwork? I can’t believe you made it into such an elite high school! I brag about you whenever I run into another Japanese person here. And although Yuriko has yet to say anything, I’m sure she is furious with jealousy. Please keep up your studies; it’s great incentive for Yuriko! You can always better her with your brains.
I suppose the cherry blossoms have all but fallen in Japan. I 3 6
G R O T E S Q U E
miss the Yoshino cherries. They must have been so beautiful when the blossoms were at their peak. I’ve not seen any cherry trees in Bern. I’m sure they
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