HAPPILY EVER BEFORE by Aimee Pitta, Melissa Peterman Page B

irritations and allergic reactions before, so maybe if she combined the two protocols… “Are you allergic to oranges?” she asked as she rushed to the bathroom.
    “I’m allergic to assholes who dump orange juice on my ass five hours after I’ve gotten a tattoo!” George buried her head into the couch cushions and screamed.
    Grace came back with an armful of supplies, got a glass of water, had George take some Motrin, and then she set about dressing the wounds. As she washed the red inflamed area with the cool wet washcloth, she noticed the craftsmanship that had gone into the creation of the stork tattoo and was impressed. She hoped hers looked just as good. While she wrapped her friend’s left buttock in a sterile bandage and harnessed it with adhesive tape, George had an epiphany. “This has got to stop. I’m too old for this shit!”
     Grace patted down the last bit of tape. “For tattoos and OJ on your ass?”
    “Well, for starters yeah.” George closed her eyes. “I drink too much when I’m with you, when I’m alone, when I have a shitty day, when I’ve have a great day, when I’m happy, when I’m sad. I drink too much! And, it’s not fun anymore. I have the inflamed stork on my ass to prove it.”
    Grace knew there was some truth in that, but she didn’t want to admit it. “Yeah, but you know we’re just having fun.”
    George let the reality of her life sink in. “I need to do something about this.”
    Grace watched as George accepted a harsh truth. “You mean like AA?”
    George winced. “Ugh, AA meetings. Grace, they’re in church basements and YMCA’s and people wear bad shoes and drink shitty coffee. I’m going to have to start smoking again ‘cause they all smoke and then I’m going to have to get the nicotine patch.” Grace made room next to George on the Shabby Chic sectional and stared up at the ceiling with her. George sighed. “Will you go with me?” 
    “Yeah, I have lots of shitty shoes.” Grace affectionately tugged George’s hair. “And, you know what I’ll do better than that I’ll quit drinking with you.”
    “Really? You’d do that for me?”
    “Of course, that’s what friends do.”
    George was certain most friends didn’t do that only exceptional friends like Grace. “Thanks. Uh, but even though you’re quitting drinking with me if you decide to have Clair’s baby, I’m not getting knocked up too, but, I’ll take you to a fat farm after if you want.”
    Grace laughed. “If we’re not drinking or smoking and I’m getting knocked up we may need more than the promise of a fat farm to get us through this.”
    “Well, what if it’s a fat farm in Bali with half nude male models waiting on us hand and foot?”
    Grace grinned. “You’re getting warmer.”
           

Chapter 6
     
    Clair nursed a cup of coffee as she waited for her mother and Grace to arrive. She hated the color orange and yet here she sat in a restaurant named Orange , whose décor was completely orange based. She didn’t know anyone or anything other than a pumpkin or an orange that looked good in orange. Yet, here she sat debating the color orange because she was too nervous to allow herself to wonder why Grace wanted to have brunch on a Thursday. Who had brunch on a Thursday?
    Grace entered the restaurant a few steps behind her mom. Even though she was branded with a stork a whole four days ago, her ass still ached. She had forgotten the pros and cons of getting a tattoo on your ass. Pro: very fleshy and cushiony, so less pain than say your leg. Con: very fleshly and cushiony, hence, why the big guy upstairs made it the place you sat on, so more pain than say your leg. Ever since her session with Dr. Yael , the Nubian Goddess, Grace has been into the pros and cons list. She was astonished that you could use such a list in every area of your life--from laundry to sex and back again. She found it fascinating. Grace spied Clair sitting under a portrait of an orange. She