months ago, I would have done it when we were alone. Who was I kidding? A few months ago, I never would have even considered breaking up with him. Now, with his wild mood swings, I wouldn’t risk being alone when I did it. I stood up and waved my arm at him, called his name in case he still couldn’t see me, then sat back down and rubbed my hands nervously along my thighs.
“What are you doing over here?” he asked, dropping his tray onto the table. My fingers twitched at the irritation he emitted.
“I wanted some place where we could talk,” I said.
My eyes wandered around the cafeteria, until they settled on Phoebe’s table. Nathan sat beside her surrounded by friends. I had only Dylan. For four years I’d cut myself off from anyone else. I’d socialized with his friends, I’d even called them friends, but they weren’t really. He had been my only friend and I hadn’t minded, because he’d been everything to me. Now I only wanted to escape him.
He popped open a can of soda and took a sip of the bubbles. “I wanted to ask Andrew to cover me this weekend, so we could hang out, maybe go see the new exhibit at the museum.”
“Um…” I picked up my fork and pushed my food around the tray, melding neon orange mac and cheese with yellow mashed potatoes. The disgusting mess on my plate looked as churned and twisted as my stomach felt.
“What does that mean?” he asked. There was no mistaking his tone. I didn’t need the heat in my fingers to tell me he was upset.
“I…” Oh, God. What was I supposed to say? I fell back on the oldest and lamest excuse. “I need some space.”
My fork repeatedly tapped the edge of my tray, waiting. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even react. He simply sat there as if I’d told him I was going to buy a new pair of shoes. I could almost see the slow realization of my words come to him. A slight frown creased his lips and forehead, the narrowing of his eyes, his fist clenched around his plastic fork.
“What the hell does that mean?” His voice rose and some of the football team glanced over their shoulders. I sunk into my chair a bit. Being surrounded by people was not the same as drawing their attention. I’d wanted safety, not an audience.
“I just think…we need some time apart.” Next I was going to tell him it was me, not him. At least Phoebe wouldn’t be there to call me a liar. Then again, I the one who had almost kissed someone else. Maybe it was me.
“Don’t do this, Lily. Please. I’m begging you.” That fast he was on the verge of tears and I was left wondering if the anger had ever really been there. “Why are you doing this?”
It was harder than I’d imagined. My nose tingled and tears welled up in my eyes. I began to waiver, but stopped myself, hardening my heart.
“I have to. I can’t do this anymore, Dylan. Being with you isn’t good for me,” I said, voice quivering. “There’s something going on with you. I don’t know what it is, I don’t even know if you know, but it’s hurting you and every time you touch me, you suck everything right out of me. I’ve been so exhausted I’m sleeping through my classes. I passed out the other day, after healing you three times. Dad almost took me to the hospital.”
“Lily, I love you. Please. I need you.” Tears filled his eyes as he continued to beg me. I blocked the words out, until he reached across the table and took my hand. Desperation and emptiness filled me. Not the same emptiness I’d felt with Micah. That had been a lack of transference. This was a lack of something else. Something was missing from Dylan and he was desperate for me to fill it.
I pulled my hand from his, noticing his quickly drying eyes and semi-smile. He’d be fine for a while now and I could do it. It was the best thing for both of us, right? Make it clear and quick.
“It’s because I’ve been working every weekend, right? I’ll call in sick on Friday. I was already gonna get Andrew to cover on
“What are you doing over here?” he asked, dropping his tray onto the table. My fingers twitched at the irritation he emitted.
“I wanted some place where we could talk,” I said.
My eyes wandered around the cafeteria, until they settled on Phoebe’s table. Nathan sat beside her surrounded by friends. I had only Dylan. For four years I’d cut myself off from anyone else. I’d socialized with his friends, I’d even called them friends, but they weren’t really. He had been my only friend and I hadn’t minded, because he’d been everything to me. Now I only wanted to escape him.
He popped open a can of soda and took a sip of the bubbles. “I wanted to ask Andrew to cover me this weekend, so we could hang out, maybe go see the new exhibit at the museum.”
“Um…” I picked up my fork and pushed my food around the tray, melding neon orange mac and cheese with yellow mashed potatoes. The disgusting mess on my plate looked as churned and twisted as my stomach felt.
“What does that mean?” he asked. There was no mistaking his tone. I didn’t need the heat in my fingers to tell me he was upset.
“I…” Oh, God. What was I supposed to say? I fell back on the oldest and lamest excuse. “I need some space.”
My fork repeatedly tapped the edge of my tray, waiting. He didn’t say anything, didn’t even react. He simply sat there as if I’d told him I was going to buy a new pair of shoes. I could almost see the slow realization of my words come to him. A slight frown creased his lips and forehead, the narrowing of his eyes, his fist clenched around his plastic fork.
“What the hell does that mean?” His voice rose and some of the football team glanced over their shoulders. I sunk into my chair a bit. Being surrounded by people was not the same as drawing their attention. I’d wanted safety, not an audience.
“I just think…we need some time apart.” Next I was going to tell him it was me, not him. At least Phoebe wouldn’t be there to call me a liar. Then again, I the one who had almost kissed someone else. Maybe it was me.
“Don’t do this, Lily. Please. I’m begging you.” That fast he was on the verge of tears and I was left wondering if the anger had ever really been there. “Why are you doing this?”
It was harder than I’d imagined. My nose tingled and tears welled up in my eyes. I began to waiver, but stopped myself, hardening my heart.
“I have to. I can’t do this anymore, Dylan. Being with you isn’t good for me,” I said, voice quivering. “There’s something going on with you. I don’t know what it is, I don’t even know if you know, but it’s hurting you and every time you touch me, you suck everything right out of me. I’ve been so exhausted I’m sleeping through my classes. I passed out the other day, after healing you three times. Dad almost took me to the hospital.”
“Lily, I love you. Please. I need you.” Tears filled his eyes as he continued to beg me. I blocked the words out, until he reached across the table and took my hand. Desperation and emptiness filled me. Not the same emptiness I’d felt with Micah. That had been a lack of transference. This was a lack of something else. Something was missing from Dylan and he was desperate for me to fill it.
I pulled my hand from his, noticing his quickly drying eyes and semi-smile. He’d be fine for a while now and I could do it. It was the best thing for both of us, right? Make it clear and quick.
“It’s because I’ve been working every weekend, right? I’ll call in sick on Friday. I was already gonna get Andrew to cover on
Similar Books
