Healed by J. S. Cooper Page A

known that I felt guilty. She had been home the night Eddie and I had fought. She’d seen him running and crying, heard me banging the walls. And then, he’d died. And I had broken down. But mom had been there for me.
    “Say hi to Eddie for me , Mom.” I whispered to the river. Maybe my mom was telling Eddie how sorry I was about what happened. Maybe they were catching up and laughing about all the things he and I used to do to cause trouble when we were youngsters. It was thoughts like that that made it easier for me to breathe. To exist. I wanted to go home and grab my bottle of pills. I knew they would help me. I knew that they would numb the pain and the crushing fire that burned inside of me. But I resisted. I had to resist. I knew that if I didn’t start resisting the urge to pop a pill, I’d be seeing the other side of a grave myself. And I knew that I didn’t want that. Not now and not that way.
    I’d lost everything today: my mom, Lexi, my self-respect. I could still see the shock in Lexi’s eyes as I had told her about Anna. She had been so hurt. I wanted to tell her it meant nothing to me. That Anna had been nothing. And that she had made my heart soar with love and lust with just a touch of her lips against mine. The feel of her skin had sent a fever up my spine, that hadn’t been quenched with our mating. I longed to touch her, to feel her, to consume her. I wanted her right now. I needed her here on the riverbank, to be with me, to love me, to heal me.
    I froze as I saw a deer run out to go and drink some water. He paused as he saw me and our eyes connected. There was a passing of some deeper emotion that slowed between us and it was as if we were communicating subconsciously. I willed him to come over to me. But, as I took a small step closer, he ran away from me. I laughed as he ran. Even the deer knew that I was the scum of the earth.
    I sat back on the grass and looked at my phone to see the time. I had three missed calls: one from my dad, one from Lexi and , surprisingly, one from Anna. I hadn’t expected Anna to call me. I suppose she was upset that I had told Lexi what had happened. Another selfish act I suppose.
    I put my phone away without calling any of them back. It still hadn’t quite hit me that my mom was d ead. I couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t see her smiling face again. She wouldn’t be coming up to my room to tell me that dinner was ready. She wouldn’t be sending my care packages. And I wouldn’t be helping her to move out, to finally live her life, away from my conniving dad.
    I had wanted her to win so badly, to defeat him—to make him look like a fool to the whole town. And now that would never happen. She’d never get to meet my kids, or to gush at my wedding. I’d never see her again. The tears ran from my face and I tried to stop them. I was a man. I shouldn’t be crying this much.
    My phone started ringing again and I grabbed it from my pocket to see who was calling. I was so shocked to see Luke’s name that I answered it.
    “Hello?” I kept my voice low so he couldn’t hear the emotion.
    “Is that you , Bryce?”
    “Yeah. What’s up?”
    “I’m sorry about your mom.”
    “Thanks.” I wanted to tell him to shut up but I was too tired.
    “I know you think my words are baseless but they’re not. I knew your mom quite well. I saw her at the hospital a lot.”
    “At the hospital?” I frowned. “Why was she at the hospital?”
    “Sorry, I thought you knew. She volunteered there, in the kid’s ward.”
    “Oh, I didn’t know.”
    “Yeah, she and I both had a special bond with Shelby.”
    “That’s nice.” My heart dropped as I thought about the little girl with cancer. I didn’t want to think about another girl dying.
    “We both took an interest in Shelby because she’s an orphan, you see.”
    “That’s sad.” I didn ’t know what to say. I just wanted to get off the phone. “But why did you call?”
    “I guess you wouldn ’t call her an