Heartbreak for Dinner: It's Kind of a Long Story by Annah Rondon Page A

little too much, which clearly means he’s an
asshole.”
    “Totally,” my friend agreed and started pressing the elevator button
again impatiently.
    Out of the corner of my eye I saw him fix his stare on me as he stood
up straight, a look of amused outrage on his face. “You know,” he said to me in
an unmistakable Southern accent as he bore holes through my soul with his blue eyes.
“I’ve been called a lot of things to my face but never an asshole by a complete
stranger.”
    I cringed as Olivia immediately tripped over her apologies, explaining
we thought he was Spanish and couldn’t understand us. “We’ll buy you a drink upstairs,”
she continued and introduced herself, kissing him on the cheek twice in the customary
manner of Europe. James Dean turned to me and moved forward for a kiss but I extended
my hand. “Annah,” I offered while doing my best to feign apathy.
    “I’m Jonah,” he gripped my hand firmly. “It’s good to meet you.”
    I pulled my hand away slowly and involuntarily rolled my eyes. “It
can’t possibly be any good considering the circumstances, can it?”
    He cocked his head and smirked, but before he could respond the elevator
doors opened and he gestured me inside.

There Will Be Blood
    In spite of my best efforts to sometimes blend in, we
Cubans are infamous for doing exactly the opposite in the most unabashed of manners.
    Regular people:

    Cuban people:

    Sometimes it’s embarrassing to have to explain why prostitution
is five dollars or communism still reigns supreme in my mother land. Other times,
I have to warn my American friends of the entire pig we’ve fried and will place
on the dinner table with an apple in its mouth, hoping they don’t faint from disgust.
Mostly though, being from Cuba is like finding a 20-dollar bill inside the pocket
of jeans you haven’t worn in three months right before lunch. Also, being really
good in the kitchen/dance floor/bedroom never hurt anyone.
    One obscure fact that’s often overlooked most about Cubans is our
ability to come up with incoherent sayings, which instantly become hit phrases among
our people and spread like wildfire. The following are my favorites with their literal
translation and actual meaning:
    Saying:    Cuando el mal es de cagar, no valen
guayabas verdes.
    Translation:    When you have to take a shit, green
guavas won’t save you.
    Meaning:    If something bad is meant to happen,
nothing can stop it.
    Saying:    Me importa tres pepinos.
    Translation:    I care three cucumbers.
    Meaning:    I don’t care at all.
    Saying:    Me sacaron el higado.
    Translation:    They took my liver out.
    Meaning:    They worked me like a slave.
    Saying:    Te la comiste!
    Translation:    You ate it!
    Meaning:    You did a kick-ass job, buddy.
    Saying:    Eramos poco y pario la abuela.
    Translation:    We were few and then the grandmother
gave birth.
    Meaning:    There were a lot of people there, then
more people showed up.
    Saying:    Tremendo arroz con mango!
    Translation:    Tremendous rice with mango!
    Meaning:    It’s a very complicated situation!
    Saying:            Camina con los codos.
    Translation:    He/she walks with the elbows.
    Meaning:    He/she is a cheap ass.
    My favorite Cuban saying has always been, un clavo saca a
otro . The literal translation to this phrase is, one nail takes out the other ,
but really means in order to forget about someone you love, you must find someone
new to love (or at least screw). In an effort to release the memory of a nail I’d
recently encountered in Spain out of my system, I set my sights on a new shiny one
called Adam. As you might deduce, it isn’t the easiest of ventures to take something
out that’s been drilled so deep within you it hurts, but I tried until I bled. Literally.
    Adam and I met through a friend at a holiday party I didn’t want to
attend in the first place. Not one to mope, I’d already