fire. We weren’t allowed campfires again after that,’ I
laugh fondly.
‘He seems like a good guy,’ Jay smiles
softly.
‘Yeah, he was,’ I smile. He really was.
CHAPTER 7
Crashing in the car is not the most
comfortable thing in the world, but I can hardly complain too much, I have
claimed the whole back row of seats after all. Although, I did fail to get any
sleep thanks to Jay’s constant complaints about how uncomfy the front seats of
the car are.
He didn’t take my suggestion to sleeping in
the boot, well!
I get up, blinking a few times before my
head clears and rummage around for the car keys so I can unlock the doors and
crawl out. Despite feeling achy from the uncomfortable night’s sleep, I
actually feel okay. Really okay.
Jay is still fast asleep so I shut the car
door softly and head out for a stroll, making my way over to the cliffs again.
It’s still fairly early so I pass no one, which is probably for the best since
I dread to think what I look like. Unfortunately, the crisp morning has brought
a bitter, December chill, so I wrap my coat more tightly around me.
The sight from the top of the cliffs is
indescribable. A flock of birds are flying overhead, dancing among the clouds
and diving through the sky. Morning fog is still visible and drapes over the
calm sea like a thin blanket. A few sailboats are out too, and I curse myself
for not taking my sketchbook out of the car with me.
Almost
perfect ,
I think longingly.
I close my eyes and focus very carefully on
what I want more than anything in the world. It’s almost as if I can feel
Alex’s presence beside me. The light sound of his breathing fills my ears. The
familiar smell of his spice-scented aftershave fills my nose, warming me.
‘Well, it’s not Florida,’ he would snort. I
peel my eyes open and raise an eyebrow at the embodiment of my best friend that
my imagination has created. Alex is wearing his favourite “ lazy clothes ” as he liked to call them; an old red, band T-shirt
and a loose pair of jeans that have never fitted him properly, his sandy hair
in its usual, messy style.
‘It’s still beautiful though,’ I argue
back. Alex simply shrugs.
‘Remember when we said we’d travel the
world together?’ Alex replies wistfully, still gazing across the landscape. ‘ Then we’d see some beautiful sights.
This is nothing compared to what is out there.’
‘Yet you’d still find a way to be sceptical
about it,’ I point out, laughing. As much as he tried, it took a lot for Alex
to be impressed by something because he always thought there was something
better just within his grasp. He was a dreamer and sceptic all at the same
time.
Except in music. In music, he found beauty
in every note.
‘I miss you,’ I say quietly to my
imagination. Alex looks as if he wants to take my hand or hold me tightly, but
even my own mind isn’t strong enough to conjure that level of intimacy.
Instead, he sighs sadly to himself.
‘I miss you too,’ he whispers, his voice
catching. Even though I know on some level that Alex isn’t really here, that
Alex isn’t saying these things, the notion still relaxes me. ‘Neve, you need to
stop blaming yourself.’
‘I can’t.’ I shake my head. ‘If I had done
something sooner… told someone…’
‘We both know I wouldn’t have let you,’
Alex laughs dryly. ‘This one is on me. Or maybe it’s not on either of us at
all,’ he muses. I shake my head stubbornly, a tear rolling down my cheek as I
close my eyes.
‘Neve, I lo-’
But the echo of his voice is carried away
with the wind, and when I open my eyes again Alex is gone, leaving me alone
once more.
I hug my knees, trying to swallow the thick
lump that has formed in the back of my throat. I often ponder over whether, if
he was here, Alex would blame me for what happened or not.
I like to think that he wouldn’t,
laugh fondly.
‘He seems like a good guy,’ Jay smiles
softly.
‘Yeah, he was,’ I smile. He really was.
CHAPTER 7
Crashing in the car is not the most
comfortable thing in the world, but I can hardly complain too much, I have
claimed the whole back row of seats after all. Although, I did fail to get any
sleep thanks to Jay’s constant complaints about how uncomfy the front seats of
the car are.
He didn’t take my suggestion to sleeping in
the boot, well!
I get up, blinking a few times before my
head clears and rummage around for the car keys so I can unlock the doors and
crawl out. Despite feeling achy from the uncomfortable night’s sleep, I
actually feel okay. Really okay.
Jay is still fast asleep so I shut the car
door softly and head out for a stroll, making my way over to the cliffs again.
It’s still fairly early so I pass no one, which is probably for the best since
I dread to think what I look like. Unfortunately, the crisp morning has brought
a bitter, December chill, so I wrap my coat more tightly around me.
The sight from the top of the cliffs is
indescribable. A flock of birds are flying overhead, dancing among the clouds
and diving through the sky. Morning fog is still visible and drapes over the
calm sea like a thin blanket. A few sailboats are out too, and I curse myself
for not taking my sketchbook out of the car with me.
Almost
perfect ,
I think longingly.
I close my eyes and focus very carefully on
what I want more than anything in the world. It’s almost as if I can feel
Alex’s presence beside me. The light sound of his breathing fills my ears. The
familiar smell of his spice-scented aftershave fills my nose, warming me.
‘Well, it’s not Florida,’ he would snort. I
peel my eyes open and raise an eyebrow at the embodiment of my best friend that
my imagination has created. Alex is wearing his favourite “ lazy clothes ” as he liked to call them; an old red, band T-shirt
and a loose pair of jeans that have never fitted him properly, his sandy hair
in its usual, messy style.
‘It’s still beautiful though,’ I argue
back. Alex simply shrugs.
‘Remember when we said we’d travel the
world together?’ Alex replies wistfully, still gazing across the landscape. ‘ Then we’d see some beautiful sights.
This is nothing compared to what is out there.’
‘Yet you’d still find a way to be sceptical
about it,’ I point out, laughing. As much as he tried, it took a lot for Alex
to be impressed by something because he always thought there was something
better just within his grasp. He was a dreamer and sceptic all at the same
time.
Except in music. In music, he found beauty
in every note.
‘I miss you,’ I say quietly to my
imagination. Alex looks as if he wants to take my hand or hold me tightly, but
even my own mind isn’t strong enough to conjure that level of intimacy.
Instead, he sighs sadly to himself.
‘I miss you too,’ he whispers, his voice
catching. Even though I know on some level that Alex isn’t really here, that
Alex isn’t saying these things, the notion still relaxes me. ‘Neve, you need to
stop blaming yourself.’
‘I can’t.’ I shake my head. ‘If I had done
something sooner… told someone…’
‘We both know I wouldn’t have let you,’
Alex laughs dryly. ‘This one is on me. Or maybe it’s not on either of us at
all,’ he muses. I shake my head stubbornly, a tear rolling down my cheek as I
close my eyes.
‘Neve, I lo-’
But the echo of his voice is carried away
with the wind, and when I open my eyes again Alex is gone, leaving me alone
once more.
I hug my knees, trying to swallow the thick
lump that has formed in the back of my throat. I often ponder over whether, if
he was here, Alex would blame me for what happened or not.
I like to think that he wouldn’t,
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