disgust. I often see them whispering to each other and pointing when I walk by. It was hard at first. I wanted to run and hide. I wanted to disappear and never come back to this school. The threats Frank makes are the only reason I am still here. He makes sure I am too scared to leave. He makes it clear every day that I can never run far enough away to escape him. He will always be watching me. The dirty looks and whispers have subsided mostly. It isn’t such an issue for me anymore, but it is starting up again. I might have to cut out of school early. I don’t have the energy to go through this again. I thought I was past this.
I walk to my locker so I can grab my stuff to get out of here. I pass by some girls who are talking. I overhear their conversation as I take my time getting my stuff.
“I heard he actually took her out this weekend. Like in public. He just killed his rep here,” one of the girls, Rebecca, said to her friend.
Rebecca and I had been friends until she turned her back on me when all the shit happened to me. She has been the one spreading all the crap about me and participating in the bullying I have been going through. Since she knows me on a very personal level, she knows things were bad for me. She is using things only she knows about me to ruin me. I don’t understand why she is doing this to me. It hurts a little bit deeper. I know it shouldn’t because I should expect this from her now. I just want to disappear and not exist here anymore. I want to be able to walk around without the whispers and snickers. I guess I should feel lucky they aren’t tripping and shoulder bumping me anymore. I still occasionally get a hateful note on my locker or car window, but that’s mild in comparison to how it was right after.
I try my hardest to rise above it, but I can’t seem to shake it. I slam my locker door shut causing the bitches to jump and head for the front doors of the school to get out of here. I need to get away. It hurts knowing I am bringing Jase down with me. I know what I have to do even if it breaks my heart. I have to stop hanging out with him. I can’t be seen around the halls with him, or any place for that matter.
While I am passing the offices I stop dead in my tracks. I see Phillip Becker, the D.A. who dropped my mom’s case saying there wasn’t enough evidence to prove Frank and Dixon were the cause of her death. He let them walk. I know he is on Frank’s payroll. I can’t think of any reason he would be here. I haven’t heard about anything happening at school, but on the other hand I am disconnected with what goes on here being the social scum of the school. I must have lingered a little too long because as soon as he finishes up in the office he notices me staring. This is when it starts to get awkward. We are having a whole conversation with just our eyes. I know he knows who I am. I have seen him many times in my house, but have never spoken a word to his corrupt sorry excuse of a person who is supposed to seek justice for the ones whose lives have been blown to pieces by acts of violence. There is something in his eyes that is incredibly familiar, but I can’t place it for the life of me. I shake off the eerie feeling and take off to my car.
Once I am in the safety of my car, I take a deep breath and think about what I have to do to stop whatever this is between Jase and I now before things get more confusing between us. I will be leaving in a few months and now is better than when I am deeper in. I don’t have room for distractions. I need to focus on the plan and make sure I execute it correctly. One wrong move and I could meet the same fate as my mom. What happened and how ugly I am inside will never come out. I can never let Jase know about any of this. I would rather leave with him clueless than knowing the truth about me.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I pass Jase while he is driving in. I try hard to not to look his way, but it’s pointless. He holds up
I walk to my locker so I can grab my stuff to get out of here. I pass by some girls who are talking. I overhear their conversation as I take my time getting my stuff.
“I heard he actually took her out this weekend. Like in public. He just killed his rep here,” one of the girls, Rebecca, said to her friend.
Rebecca and I had been friends until she turned her back on me when all the shit happened to me. She has been the one spreading all the crap about me and participating in the bullying I have been going through. Since she knows me on a very personal level, she knows things were bad for me. She is using things only she knows about me to ruin me. I don’t understand why she is doing this to me. It hurts a little bit deeper. I know it shouldn’t because I should expect this from her now. I just want to disappear and not exist here anymore. I want to be able to walk around without the whispers and snickers. I guess I should feel lucky they aren’t tripping and shoulder bumping me anymore. I still occasionally get a hateful note on my locker or car window, but that’s mild in comparison to how it was right after.
I try my hardest to rise above it, but I can’t seem to shake it. I slam my locker door shut causing the bitches to jump and head for the front doors of the school to get out of here. I need to get away. It hurts knowing I am bringing Jase down with me. I know what I have to do even if it breaks my heart. I have to stop hanging out with him. I can’t be seen around the halls with him, or any place for that matter.
While I am passing the offices I stop dead in my tracks. I see Phillip Becker, the D.A. who dropped my mom’s case saying there wasn’t enough evidence to prove Frank and Dixon were the cause of her death. He let them walk. I know he is on Frank’s payroll. I can’t think of any reason he would be here. I haven’t heard about anything happening at school, but on the other hand I am disconnected with what goes on here being the social scum of the school. I must have lingered a little too long because as soon as he finishes up in the office he notices me staring. This is when it starts to get awkward. We are having a whole conversation with just our eyes. I know he knows who I am. I have seen him many times in my house, but have never spoken a word to his corrupt sorry excuse of a person who is supposed to seek justice for the ones whose lives have been blown to pieces by acts of violence. There is something in his eyes that is incredibly familiar, but I can’t place it for the life of me. I shake off the eerie feeling and take off to my car.
Once I am in the safety of my car, I take a deep breath and think about what I have to do to stop whatever this is between Jase and I now before things get more confusing between us. I will be leaving in a few months and now is better than when I am deeper in. I don’t have room for distractions. I need to focus on the plan and make sure I execute it correctly. One wrong move and I could meet the same fate as my mom. What happened and how ugly I am inside will never come out. I can never let Jase know about any of this. I would rather leave with him clueless than knowing the truth about me.
Pulling out of the parking lot, I pass Jase while he is driving in. I try hard to not to look his way, but it’s pointless. He holds up
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