want to tell me?”
“Yes. I hate this. Everything I’m doing here. None of it makes sense and if I could go back in time and tell you one thing it would be to run away before your senior year.”
“Well, that’s honest.” She attempted to smile. “I did run away, remember? Just yesterday when Father ... well, you know what he did.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
The memory haunted me and I tried so hard to forget about it. I spent years ignoring triggers and thoughts or pretty much anything that reminded me of the night Father brought that boy into my bedroom. My eyes traveled up and down the reflection of me and landed on the blood soaked socks. I ran away that night without shoes. Only those socks and a long nightgown. I could still feel the cool cement under my feet and the rocks and sticks as I ran into the woods. Of course Blake found me before sunrise and carried me back home. And of course it was the worst punishment of my life.
The mirror slid from view. I kept walking and wondered if Audrey was okay. Then a mirror appeared with her on it. She smiled and twirled around in her prom dress. As a junior she went to senior prom with the most popular guy in our school. She didn’t say anything mean to me, but she definitely doted on and on about it while admiring herself in the mirror and it felt rude, like she wanted me, once again, to know that she was better.
When my watch buzzed that night with a message from her I wanted to ignore it, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. She lied and said she wanted to leave early, but the entire school knew why she really left and they talked about it for weeks. She became known as “Little Virginia,” but I guess it really bothered her because shortly after that everyone began to respect her as some sort of guru. They called her “Queen Lauxes.”
Audrey and I were never best friends, but after that we weren’t even friends.
I wiped a tear from my face as I stopped in front of another mirror.
“No, not this one,” I said, tilting my head toward the ceiling. “I’m done now. I can’t do this one.”
My reflection stared at me as though I were the one who hurt her, but we both knew what really happened. I never meant to do it. Why didn’t anyone ever believe me?
“Maybe you did mean to do it,” the reflection said. “Maybe you killed her because you were jealous.”
“I never wanted to be with Blake. Not like that.”
“Not even Blake believes you.” Her—or my—hair dripped water and formed a puddle at her feet. She shivered, trying not to cry. Her bloodshot eyes winced and her fingers shook violently as they wrapped around her arms in a desperate attempt to gather warmth into her body. Knees pressed tight together. Shoulders hunched. Her hair whipped into her face and stuck to her lips. The picture of fear and dread. She stared into me. “Blake still doesn’t believe you.”
“Blake knows me,” I defended myself, knowing why she said it. Deep down part of me feared it. I didn’t care if everyone else didn’t believe me, but if Blake didn’t believe me ... if he didn’t know me ... then no one did. And the loneliness of not being known, truly known, by a single person in the world ... it haunted me. My worst fear.
“No one knows you,” she snarled. “No one cares. You’re alone, little girl. You’re alone.”
I turned away and closed my eyes.
“You’re alone,” she said again.
Hands over my ears, I slouched to the ground. Her voice continued to seep into my mind. My voice. Me. Did I believe it? Was I alone?
All of the reflections crowded around me, even with my eyes closed they plagued my vision. I opened my eyes and a dozen different versions of Audrey and I reached for me, their hands fully opened and grasping for the mirror. For me. I closed my eyes again and screamed as loud as possible, “Stop! It’s too much!” The voices bounced off the walls of my mind, creating waves of piercing sound. My
“Yes. I hate this. Everything I’m doing here. None of it makes sense and if I could go back in time and tell you one thing it would be to run away before your senior year.”
“Well, that’s honest.” She attempted to smile. “I did run away, remember? Just yesterday when Father ... well, you know what he did.”
I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
The memory haunted me and I tried so hard to forget about it. I spent years ignoring triggers and thoughts or pretty much anything that reminded me of the night Father brought that boy into my bedroom. My eyes traveled up and down the reflection of me and landed on the blood soaked socks. I ran away that night without shoes. Only those socks and a long nightgown. I could still feel the cool cement under my feet and the rocks and sticks as I ran into the woods. Of course Blake found me before sunrise and carried me back home. And of course it was the worst punishment of my life.
The mirror slid from view. I kept walking and wondered if Audrey was okay. Then a mirror appeared with her on it. She smiled and twirled around in her prom dress. As a junior she went to senior prom with the most popular guy in our school. She didn’t say anything mean to me, but she definitely doted on and on about it while admiring herself in the mirror and it felt rude, like she wanted me, once again, to know that she was better.
When my watch buzzed that night with a message from her I wanted to ignore it, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. She lied and said she wanted to leave early, but the entire school knew why she really left and they talked about it for weeks. She became known as “Little Virginia,” but I guess it really bothered her because shortly after that everyone began to respect her as some sort of guru. They called her “Queen Lauxes.”
Audrey and I were never best friends, but after that we weren’t even friends.
I wiped a tear from my face as I stopped in front of another mirror.
“No, not this one,” I said, tilting my head toward the ceiling. “I’m done now. I can’t do this one.”
My reflection stared at me as though I were the one who hurt her, but we both knew what really happened. I never meant to do it. Why didn’t anyone ever believe me?
“Maybe you did mean to do it,” the reflection said. “Maybe you killed her because you were jealous.”
“I never wanted to be with Blake. Not like that.”
“Not even Blake believes you.” Her—or my—hair dripped water and formed a puddle at her feet. She shivered, trying not to cry. Her bloodshot eyes winced and her fingers shook violently as they wrapped around her arms in a desperate attempt to gather warmth into her body. Knees pressed tight together. Shoulders hunched. Her hair whipped into her face and stuck to her lips. The picture of fear and dread. She stared into me. “Blake still doesn’t believe you.”
“Blake knows me,” I defended myself, knowing why she said it. Deep down part of me feared it. I didn’t care if everyone else didn’t believe me, but if Blake didn’t believe me ... if he didn’t know me ... then no one did. And the loneliness of not being known, truly known, by a single person in the world ... it haunted me. My worst fear.
“No one knows you,” she snarled. “No one cares. You’re alone, little girl. You’re alone.”
I turned away and closed my eyes.
“You’re alone,” she said again.
Hands over my ears, I slouched to the ground. Her voice continued to seep into my mind. My voice. Me. Did I believe it? Was I alone?
All of the reflections crowded around me, even with my eyes closed they plagued my vision. I opened my eyes and a dozen different versions of Audrey and I reached for me, their hands fully opened and grasping for the mirror. For me. I closed my eyes again and screamed as loud as possible, “Stop! It’s too much!” The voices bounced off the walls of my mind, creating waves of piercing sound. My
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