Holiday Homecoming by Jean C. Gordon Page A

pageant.”
    Something in him rebelled at the way she emphasized “as friends,” as if she could wash away everything that had been between them by telling her story, and they could pick up being the friends they’d been back in high school. It might normally be his job, but he didn’t want to be her confessor. She wasn’t one of his parishioners. She was his first and, so far, only love. The woman who’d trashed his heart. He clenched his jaw, waiting for her to continue.
    â€œFirst,” she said, chipping at what was left of the pink polish on her thumbnail, “I need to apologize for the thoughtless way I turned down your proposal.”
    Need
to, not
want
to. It was only semantics, but in Connor’s mind, Natalie’s word choice made the situation all about her.
    â€œYou caught me by surprise. I hadn’t realized you were that serious about us. We were so comfortable with each other.”
    Comfortable
. Not exactly the top way he’d choose to be described. Connor sat back and stretched his legs out across the trapdoor.
    Concern flickered across Natalie’s face as she looked from the door he’d been trying to open to him. “It was because of something Kirk—Kirk Sheldon, my professor—said.” She seemed to choke on his name.
    â€œI remember him,” Connor said without showing any of the rancor he felt, despite the twist of anger in his gut.
    â€œHe’d been talking to the class about the anchor job he had waiting for him in Chicago and how the station expected to be hiring an entry-level news reporter. I wanted that job, and he stopped me after class to suggest I apply. He said I had a good probability of getting it, that he’d write a reference for me. I wanted to surprise you with my news.”
    â€œAnd I surprised you with my proposal before you could.”
    â€œYou did. You knew how much I wanted to be an on-camera newsperson. I’d thought you’d understand my hasty response once I told you about the possible job in Chicago. But you cut me short before I could tell you the details.” She bit her lip. “You still had two years of seminary. I’d figured I could get some work experience before we got that serious. When you didn’t seem to understand, I was confused and frustrated. You’d always understood before when no one else did.”
    Connor’s guard went up. What had she expected? She’d refused his proposal. He hadn’t been in the most understanding of moods.
    â€œI was afraid. The future with you that flashed in my head had me tied down in some small town just like Paradox Lake. I wanted something different, more.”
    â€œSo you told me we needed a clean break,” he ventured, “that you had better things to do than to be a small-town pastor’s wife.” His words tasted as bitter as they sounded.
    â€œI’m so sorry. I wanted to hurt you as much as it hurt me when you didn’t want to hear about the opportunity I thought the Chicago job would be.”
    And she had. He stared at the attic wall behind her.
    â€œI didn’t return your calls when I got back because part of me was afraid I’d give in to you and miss out on the opportunity.”
    And he avoided seeing Natalie in person because he hadn’t wanted to risk her rejecting him again because he wasn’t good enough. Connor realized that their breakup hadn’t been entirely one-sided. He’d still had issues about being Jerry Donnelly’s son that he hadn’t worked out. He’d fallen back on his old defense of closing down, depending only on himself.
    She shook her head. “It probably wouldn’t have made a difference. My family wasn’t as encouraging about the job in Chicago as I wanted, either. I thought you were all against me. I wanted to prove you all wrong. I know now that Mom and Dad were reserved about it because they didn’t want me to be too