snapped. “It’s an emergency. It’s about the Freewill.”
“You know the Freewill?”
“Yeah,” I chimed in, “she’s sitting right next to me.”
“Sorry...sir,” came the reply. “Praise be to the one who shall lead our armies in battle...”
“We’re kind of in a rush here,” Sally interrupted.
“Oh...sorry. Hold please.”
Bland elevator music began to play as she muted the speaker again.
“Are they always like that?”
“Yep. Aside from James, I’m pretty sure Boston exclusively employs a legion of boot-lickers.”
“And zombies,” I added, remembering the not-so ravenous hordes of the undead the vampire nation liked to use as clerical help.
“They smell bad, but at least they keep their fucking mouths shut...those that have mouths, anyway. That’s more than I can say for most of those assholes.”
Almost as if summoned, a familiar oily voice came onto the line. “Can I help you?”
“Colin?” Sally asked, unable to disguise her dislike for James’s assistant. They apparently had history, but she had never let me in on what that was. If I had to guess, though, I’d say Colin was an ex fuck-buddy gone sour. Of course when it came to Sally, I sort of assumed the same of everyone she knew.
There was nothing but silence on the other end. “Colin, are you still there?”
“Oh I’m here...just waiting for you to address me properly.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Since you’re a little slow on the uptake, as usual, I’ll give you a hint. That’s Regional Coven Master, Colin, prefect for the northeastern United States to you.”
“No fucking way.”
“Oh yes,” he replied eagerly. “James’s promotion left an open spot and I, already knowing and...dare I say... excelling at the job, was the natural choice.”
Sally’s nails dug into the arms of her chair as she listened to him gloat. It was probably only a matter of time before she said something that would get us hung up on.
“Congratulations, Coven Master Colin.” I figured it was easier to give him a little mollification. No skin off my teeth as at the end of the day he’d still be an asshole.
Sally’s eyes grew wide and she mouthed, “What the fuck?!”
I gestured for her to relax. My experience in corporate America taught me how to play the game.
“Is that you, Freewill?”
“It is.”
“Always a pleasure,” he replied flatly.
“Likewise. We were hoping to speak to James.” Bantering with Colin was pointless. He disliked Sally and his opinion of me was even lower.
“The First are not at your beck and call, nor do they speak with children. You two really should know the rules, but then again, I guess that’s to be expected.”
“We have a special exception from James and you know it,” Sally spat.
I hit mute. “We do?”
“Uh, yeah. Unlike you , I haven’t spent the past month jerking off to anime. Shit is going down and you’re gonna be a part of it whether you like it or not. I talked to James and he agreed that the least they can do is answer the fucking phone for us.”
She had a good point. I’d been avoiding reality while she dealt with it head-on.
“That exception is only to be used in times of emergency.”
“You’re right, Colin,” Sally replied as she unmuted the phone. “So how does our entire fucking coven being wiped out by a bunch of magic-wielding assholes sound to you? Is that emergency enough?”
“Well...”
She turned beet red - quite an accomplishment for someone lacking a heartbeat. “They were trying to kill the Freewill!” she snapped.
There was a pause as Colin no doubt tried to figure out how to stonewall us some more. “Very well. I guess that does count as a potential emergency.”
“Potential...”
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Sally, my dear. Assuming you wear them, something I highly doubt...”
I snatched the phone out of the way as her fist came down on the heavy desk, leaving a visible crack in its
“You know the Freewill?”
“Yeah,” I chimed in, “she’s sitting right next to me.”
“Sorry...sir,” came the reply. “Praise be to the one who shall lead our armies in battle...”
“We’re kind of in a rush here,” Sally interrupted.
“Oh...sorry. Hold please.”
Bland elevator music began to play as she muted the speaker again.
“Are they always like that?”
“Yep. Aside from James, I’m pretty sure Boston exclusively employs a legion of boot-lickers.”
“And zombies,” I added, remembering the not-so ravenous hordes of the undead the vampire nation liked to use as clerical help.
“They smell bad, but at least they keep their fucking mouths shut...those that have mouths, anyway. That’s more than I can say for most of those assholes.”
Almost as if summoned, a familiar oily voice came onto the line. “Can I help you?”
“Colin?” Sally asked, unable to disguise her dislike for James’s assistant. They apparently had history, but she had never let me in on what that was. If I had to guess, though, I’d say Colin was an ex fuck-buddy gone sour. Of course when it came to Sally, I sort of assumed the same of everyone she knew.
There was nothing but silence on the other end. “Colin, are you still there?”
“Oh I’m here...just waiting for you to address me properly.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Since you’re a little slow on the uptake, as usual, I’ll give you a hint. That’s Regional Coven Master, Colin, prefect for the northeastern United States to you.”
“No fucking way.”
“Oh yes,” he replied eagerly. “James’s promotion left an open spot and I, already knowing and...dare I say... excelling at the job, was the natural choice.”
Sally’s nails dug into the arms of her chair as she listened to him gloat. It was probably only a matter of time before she said something that would get us hung up on.
“Congratulations, Coven Master Colin.” I figured it was easier to give him a little mollification. No skin off my teeth as at the end of the day he’d still be an asshole.
Sally’s eyes grew wide and she mouthed, “What the fuck?!”
I gestured for her to relax. My experience in corporate America taught me how to play the game.
“Is that you, Freewill?”
“It is.”
“Always a pleasure,” he replied flatly.
“Likewise. We were hoping to speak to James.” Bantering with Colin was pointless. He disliked Sally and his opinion of me was even lower.
“The First are not at your beck and call, nor do they speak with children. You two really should know the rules, but then again, I guess that’s to be expected.”
“We have a special exception from James and you know it,” Sally spat.
I hit mute. “We do?”
“Uh, yeah. Unlike you , I haven’t spent the past month jerking off to anime. Shit is going down and you’re gonna be a part of it whether you like it or not. I talked to James and he agreed that the least they can do is answer the fucking phone for us.”
She had a good point. I’d been avoiding reality while she dealt with it head-on.
“That exception is only to be used in times of emergency.”
“You’re right, Colin,” Sally replied as she unmuted the phone. “So how does our entire fucking coven being wiped out by a bunch of magic-wielding assholes sound to you? Is that emergency enough?”
“Well...”
She turned beet red - quite an accomplishment for someone lacking a heartbeat. “They were trying to kill the Freewill!” she snapped.
There was a pause as Colin no doubt tried to figure out how to stonewall us some more. “Very well. I guess that does count as a potential emergency.”
“Potential...”
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch, Sally, my dear. Assuming you wear them, something I highly doubt...”
I snatched the phone out of the way as her fist came down on the heavy desk, leaving a visible crack in its
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