Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen A. Bogle Page B
Book: Hooking Up : Sex, Dating, and Relationships on Campus by Kathleen A. Bogle
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Authors: Kathleen A. Bogle
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still looking around while you are talking to them—they are not interested. They are absolutely positively not interested. They are
. . . not asking you questions back if you are asking questions
. . . 30 seconds you can tell.
Although not all students claimed Kevin’s talent for quickly recognizing whether a hookup was possible, both men and women indicated that the stages leading to hooking up involved a series of nonverbal cues.
The majority of students agreed with Kevin that eye contact and a certain
“vibe” are key components of discerning interest in hooking up. Students also mentioned overall body language, “joking around,” and “flirting” with someone in order to indicate interest in a potential hookup.17
Where to Go
Once it is determined that the right vibe is there, the two parties have to figure out where to hook up. Again, they must figure this out T H E H O O K U P
35
without actually verbalizing that they are planning to hook up. One of the factors that seemed to determine the location of the hookup was how much sexual interaction was going to take place. Many students, like Emily, a sophomore at Faith University, indicated that when they hooked up, they were “just kissing” or “making out” with someone. In some cases, they felt no need for this to take place in private, so they were willing to hook up right at the social event, whether it was a campus party or bar.
KB : If you hook up with someone, what happens next? I mean do you sleep over with them that night or how does it work?
Emily : I don’t usually ever [sleep over].
KB : Where does it [the hookup] happen?
Emily : I would say at parties most often or maybe back at your dorm . . . later on if you’re hanging out with them.
Since there is a taboo against getting more physical than kissing in front of other people, those interested in a greater degree of sexual intimacy would find a private room to hook up or would return to the dorm room or apartment of one of the partners. This does not mean that everyone who goes home with someone intends to do more than kiss, some students valued privacy for any level of sexual intimacy.
A second factor determining the location of a hookup was whether one of the students had a preference for sleeping overnight or not. Some students said they like to leave the hookup partner that night, thereby avoiding the awkwardness of waking up the next day next to someone.
Some students I interviewed also mentioned wanting to avoid the
“walk of shame,” or walking home the day after a hookup in the same clothes they wore the night before. Style of dress varies significantly between the daytime and nighttime, so that it is obvious to onlookers if someone is still in their nighttime wear. Interestingly, women seemed more concerned with the walk of shame than their male counterparts.
In addition to these considerations, some students indicated that they preferred not to sleep over with their hookup partner because they had trouble actually sleeping with someone in the same bed; so it was deemed better to part that night. Max, a sophomore at State University, referred to these problems associated with spending the night with a woman.
36
T H E H O O K U P
Max : Hopefully they didn’t sleep over.
KB : Oh, they don’t stay over?
Max : If I have any say, I hope not.
KB : So you hook up and you walk them home?
Max : Yeah, for me, yeah, hopefully.
KB : And why do you say that?
Max : I’m like a “scoocher,” I like totally want to sleep well, like, I want to scooch all around my bed.
KB : So, you find it physically uncomfortable for them to stay over?
Max : Right. On top of the fact, then it’s the whole, maybe it’s a cop out, but I think it’s easier when you’re both kind of tipsy or whatever then the next morning to wake up and be like now we’re both hung-over and you know like [groans] and then you have that awkward conversation, you know what I mean?
KB : Right.
Max :
. . . not asking you questions back if you are asking questions
. . . 30 seconds you can tell.
Although not all students claimed Kevin’s talent for quickly recognizing whether a hookup was possible, both men and women indicated that the stages leading to hooking up involved a series of nonverbal cues.
The majority of students agreed with Kevin that eye contact and a certain
“vibe” are key components of discerning interest in hooking up. Students also mentioned overall body language, “joking around,” and “flirting” with someone in order to indicate interest in a potential hookup.17
Where to Go
Once it is determined that the right vibe is there, the two parties have to figure out where to hook up. Again, they must figure this out T H E H O O K U P
35
without actually verbalizing that they are planning to hook up. One of the factors that seemed to determine the location of the hookup was how much sexual interaction was going to take place. Many students, like Emily, a sophomore at Faith University, indicated that when they hooked up, they were “just kissing” or “making out” with someone. In some cases, they felt no need for this to take place in private, so they were willing to hook up right at the social event, whether it was a campus party or bar.
KB : If you hook up with someone, what happens next? I mean do you sleep over with them that night or how does it work?
Emily : I don’t usually ever [sleep over].
KB : Where does it [the hookup] happen?
Emily : I would say at parties most often or maybe back at your dorm . . . later on if you’re hanging out with them.
Since there is a taboo against getting more physical than kissing in front of other people, those interested in a greater degree of sexual intimacy would find a private room to hook up or would return to the dorm room or apartment of one of the partners. This does not mean that everyone who goes home with someone intends to do more than kiss, some students valued privacy for any level of sexual intimacy.
A second factor determining the location of a hookup was whether one of the students had a preference for sleeping overnight or not. Some students said they like to leave the hookup partner that night, thereby avoiding the awkwardness of waking up the next day next to someone.
Some students I interviewed also mentioned wanting to avoid the
“walk of shame,” or walking home the day after a hookup in the same clothes they wore the night before. Style of dress varies significantly between the daytime and nighttime, so that it is obvious to onlookers if someone is still in their nighttime wear. Interestingly, women seemed more concerned with the walk of shame than their male counterparts.
In addition to these considerations, some students indicated that they preferred not to sleep over with their hookup partner because they had trouble actually sleeping with someone in the same bed; so it was deemed better to part that night. Max, a sophomore at State University, referred to these problems associated with spending the night with a woman.
36
T H E H O O K U P
Max : Hopefully they didn’t sleep over.
KB : Oh, they don’t stay over?
Max : If I have any say, I hope not.
KB : So you hook up and you walk them home?
Max : Yeah, for me, yeah, hopefully.
KB : And why do you say that?
Max : I’m like a “scoocher,” I like totally want to sleep well, like, I want to scooch all around my bed.
KB : So, you find it physically uncomfortable for them to stay over?
Max : Right. On top of the fact, then it’s the whole, maybe it’s a cop out, but I think it’s easier when you’re both kind of tipsy or whatever then the next morning to wake up and be like now we’re both hung-over and you know like [groans] and then you have that awkward conversation, you know what I mean?
KB : Right.
Max :
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