symbols to make the most effective reading. Just as taking a single word out of context from a sentence might leave you confused or thoroughly misled, so will reading non-verbal signs in isolation.
The simplest way to become better at reading body language is to practise. Keep an eye out for signals in your own interactions but watch others too. Sitting in a café for an hour and watching how the other customers interact with each other – the displays of affection, the temper tantrums, the seething resentments and complex power plays – can be a most instructive experience.
Here are a few useful tips to bear in mind when studying body language. Remember, these are necessarily generalities, not hard and fast rules. Indeed, some people will deliberately manipulate their own body language to mislead you. This list is but the tiniest tip of a vast iceberg:
Different sides of the brain deal with different functions. In simplistic terms, the right side deals with emotions and creativity and the left with facts and memories. If you ask someone a question and they look to the right, this may be an indication that they are fabricating or guessing. Looking to the left is indicative of fact retrieval.
Direct eye contact implies honesty, interest and even attraction. Dilated pupils and widened eyes may also be a signal of attraction, while excessive blinking is suggestive of nervousness or excitement. Making ‘doe eyes’ by looking up and sideways (especially when done by a female) suggests both vulnerability and interest in a subject. Holding eye contact for an extended moment then looking away can be another signal of attraction.
A full-bodied, genuine laugh is indicative of a relaxed subject, but a tight-lipped smile is more likely to mean they are keeping something back.
Male posturing such as standing with chest out and shoulders back can be a sign of aggression or an attempt to capture female attention.
Nervous ticks include nail-biting, trembling hands and activities such as fiddling with a pen.
A raised chin is indicative of confidence and sometimes defiance (hence admonitions to ‘keep your chin up’ when the chips are down).
Crossed arms suggest defensiveness, as does the use of a prop such as a bag as a barrier between two subjects.
Touching or scratching the nose while speaking is sometimes suggestive that the subject is lying. Touching an ear while speaking might indicate indecisiveness.
Playing with hair can be a sign of flirtation or, conversely, a symptom of exasperation.
Handshakes can tell you much. A handshake in which both of a subject’s hands are used implies they want to be trusted by the recipient of the handshake. A palm-up handshake suggests an element of submission, while a palm-down shake is a sign of wishing to dominate.
Leg direction while sitting. The feet and legs tend to point toward a subject of interest and away from one that is uninteresting or unwanted.
The mirroring of body language between two subjects is indicative of empathy, while non-synchronisation suggests the opposite. But mirroring should not be consciously forced, as it can appear as mockery.
Remember that while you are watching someone else’s body language, they will be picking up signals from you too. Body language is a dialogue.
Laying Your Cards on the Table
‘He had played nearly every day at one club or other, but he was a cautious player, and usually rose a winner.’
‘THE ADVENTURE OF THE EMPTY HOUSE’
It is unclear how much of body language is inborn in us and how much is learned. Charles Darwin highlighted certain facial expressions (happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise and anger) that are recognised across cultures, suggesting they at least are genetically inherited. But much else is learned socially.
The card table is one of the prime battlefields of body language. Every serious card player aims to mask their own body language, while attempting to discern the ‘innate’ body language
The simplest way to become better at reading body language is to practise. Keep an eye out for signals in your own interactions but watch others too. Sitting in a café for an hour and watching how the other customers interact with each other – the displays of affection, the temper tantrums, the seething resentments and complex power plays – can be a most instructive experience.
Here are a few useful tips to bear in mind when studying body language. Remember, these are necessarily generalities, not hard and fast rules. Indeed, some people will deliberately manipulate their own body language to mislead you. This list is but the tiniest tip of a vast iceberg:
Different sides of the brain deal with different functions. In simplistic terms, the right side deals with emotions and creativity and the left with facts and memories. If you ask someone a question and they look to the right, this may be an indication that they are fabricating or guessing. Looking to the left is indicative of fact retrieval.
Direct eye contact implies honesty, interest and even attraction. Dilated pupils and widened eyes may also be a signal of attraction, while excessive blinking is suggestive of nervousness or excitement. Making ‘doe eyes’ by looking up and sideways (especially when done by a female) suggests both vulnerability and interest in a subject. Holding eye contact for an extended moment then looking away can be another signal of attraction.
A full-bodied, genuine laugh is indicative of a relaxed subject, but a tight-lipped smile is more likely to mean they are keeping something back.
Male posturing such as standing with chest out and shoulders back can be a sign of aggression or an attempt to capture female attention.
Nervous ticks include nail-biting, trembling hands and activities such as fiddling with a pen.
A raised chin is indicative of confidence and sometimes defiance (hence admonitions to ‘keep your chin up’ when the chips are down).
Crossed arms suggest defensiveness, as does the use of a prop such as a bag as a barrier between two subjects.
Touching or scratching the nose while speaking is sometimes suggestive that the subject is lying. Touching an ear while speaking might indicate indecisiveness.
Playing with hair can be a sign of flirtation or, conversely, a symptom of exasperation.
Handshakes can tell you much. A handshake in which both of a subject’s hands are used implies they want to be trusted by the recipient of the handshake. A palm-up handshake suggests an element of submission, while a palm-down shake is a sign of wishing to dominate.
Leg direction while sitting. The feet and legs tend to point toward a subject of interest and away from one that is uninteresting or unwanted.
The mirroring of body language between two subjects is indicative of empathy, while non-synchronisation suggests the opposite. But mirroring should not be consciously forced, as it can appear as mockery.
Remember that while you are watching someone else’s body language, they will be picking up signals from you too. Body language is a dialogue.
Laying Your Cards on the Table
‘He had played nearly every day at one club or other, but he was a cautious player, and usually rose a winner.’
‘THE ADVENTURE OF THE EMPTY HOUSE’
It is unclear how much of body language is inborn in us and how much is learned. Charles Darwin highlighted certain facial expressions (happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, surprise and anger) that are recognised across cultures, suggesting they at least are genetically inherited. But much else is learned socially.
The card table is one of the prime battlefields of body language. Every serious card player aims to mask their own body language, while attempting to discern the ‘innate’ body language
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