Hunt and Pray by Cindy Sutherland Page B

her were tainted by the smell of her jasmine perfume mixed with the metallic tang of blood and how just before his father had broken through the door, she’d pushed him into the closet and told him not to come out no matter what.
    He’d forgiven that three-year-old a long time ago. For a while when he was a teenager he’d been racked with guilt that he hadn’t done anything to save her, but he’d finally realized if he’d tried that, he’d most likely be dead as well, and her sacrifice would have been for nothing.
    On his darkest days, Chance wondered if being dead wouldn’t have been better all along. He could never quite work up the courage to take his own life, and while serving in a combat zone had offered plenty of opportunities to not make it back alive, most of the time his death would have meant death for people who depended on him for survival, and that was something his conscience couldn’t allow.
    So he continued on, hoping that someday something would come along to break him out of the hold his father had on him.
    Apparently, Drew Edwards was that something.
    He looked again at the man trying so desperately to stay awake as he leaned against the tree.
    When his father assigned the task of watching Drew to him, he knew he was being tested. The colonel had put Chance in direct contact with the handsome, young gay man to see what would happen.
    Apparently his father had suspected something Chance hadn’t admitted to himself yet, even though he knew it was true.
    He was gay.
    He’d known it since his sophomore year in high school. His father had been stationed in San Diego at Camp Pendleton, and Chance had been attending high school off base. That didn’t happen often, since his father preferred him to attend school on base as he thought the civilian population could be a bad influence on his son.
    But this time he’d had no choice, and Chance had enjoyed the relative freedom it afforded him that year. Not that he participated in much or made a lot of friends. It wouldn’t have made sense when he knew he could be pulled out at any time to move to the next duty station
    However, “Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell” didn’t exist off base, and California was always a little more open than the rest of the places he’d been.
    The first time he came across two guys walking hand in hand on campus, he was shocked.
    The first time he saw them kissing behind the school, he knew his automatic reaction should have been to turn away in revulsion… but it wasn’t.
    He had stood there, hidden from their sight just around a corner, and watched, trying to figure out the low ache deep in his gut. It was mostly fear but it was tempered with something he hadn’t really expected… arousal.
    The two boys weren’t going at it hot and heavy. They kissed lazily, wrapped around each other with one of them gently cradling the face of his partner in his hands like he was the most precious thing in the world.
    That was the thing that jolted him the most. His father had always tried to tell him that sex between two men was nothing but hard, fast, and painful because there could never be true love for them.
    But he’d been wrong.
    The two men had looked at each other like their whole world was standing right there in front of them, and it was obvious they were in love.
    The sight made Chance’s gut clench with another familiar feeling—jealousy. He knew there was no way he would ever have something like that. His father made it impossible for him to have anyone, man or woman. He couldn’t bring anyone home to be subjected to the hateful man who controlled his life, and he knew his father would never let him go. He was resigned to being alone.
    He’d turned and quickly walked away from the school, trying hard to ignore the press of tears behind his eyes. His sixteen-year-old mind had told him he would never escape his father’s clutches.
    Yet here he was, finally breaking free, though it might be the last thing he ever did. He