I Ain't Me No More by E.N. Joy Page A

so far that I’d turned Dub into a monster? If I had created this monster, was God punishing me by making me have to live with it?

Stone Number Eight
    â€œHey, Ma, I’m ready,” I called out to my mom as I lugged both Baby D’s and my things to the front door. “Where’s your keys? I’ll start loading our overnight bags and stuff in the car.”
    â€œOn the living-room table,” my mother called from her bedroom as she finished getting dressed.
    Lynn had come over to visit. She and Mom were going to head to the movies after they dropped me and Baby D off at Dub’s to spend the night.
    I was only seventeen, but because Dub and I shared a one-year-old baby, I was allowed to spend more time and do more things with my boyfriend than the normal teenager would have been permitted to do. It was safe to say my mom treated me a little bit more like an adult now that I was a parent. I didn’t have carte blanche freedom, but how we saw it, the damage had already been done. It was obvious Dub and I were having sex. We had a baby to prove it. And there wasn’t anything anyone could have done at that point to keep us from having it.
    It wasn’t unusual for me to spend the night at Dub’s house during weekends or on weekdays. Sometimes it was easier if I stayed at Dub’s house and went to school from there since he kept the baby during the day, anyway. As far as school was concerned, I was right on schedule to graduate with the rest of my class. The school system had set up homeschooling for me once I was eight months pregnant, so I hadn’t missed a beat with grades and assignments. Six weeks after having Baby D, I was right back in school.
    I was now a senior in high school and Dub kept Baby D while I went to school and then to work immediately after my classes. I’d been hired by a computer company to do some clerical work as part of a school program. I had earned enough credits and had taken all the required courses to graduate, so I had to go to school only for the first four periods. But today was Friday, and Baby D and I were set to spend the entire weekend at Dub’s.
    His mom saw things the same way my mom saw them: We already had a baby. How could it hurt more if we spent the night together? At least now I was on birth control, something my doctor hadn’t wasted any time prescribing me after I had Baby D.
    â€œThey got a nice, decent-looking house,” Lynn said to me as we pulled up in front of Dub’s house. She had never been to his house before in the two years we had been together. “I’ll help you carry your stuff in.”
    Once my mom put the car in park, Lynn and I got out and began gathering all my things. I bent over and fought with Baby D’s car seat for a minute while Lynn gathered our bags from the trunk.
    â€œAll right. Thanks, Ma,” I said as I removed the car seat from the car with Baby D still in it. I then moseyed toward Dub’s house.
    Lynn was still removing stuff from the trunk by the time I was halfway up the walkway. I heard the trunk slam, then Lynn’s feet connecting with the pavement as she whispered my name.
    â€œHelen. Helen,” she called under her breath. “Your teddy is hanging out.”
    â€œHuh?” I asked.
    â€œYour teddy. I can see it,” she said between clenched teeth, then looked over her shoulder back at our mother.
    Just then my eyes grew wide. I realized what she was trying to tell me. The little pink teddy that I had purchased from Schottenstein department store for $6.99 and that was two sizes too small was showing. It was one that snapped between the legs. I hadn’t tried it on in the store, but it looked like it would fit. Well, it didn’t. Evidently, during my bout with Baby D’s car seat, it had unsnapped between my legs, and now the tail part was hanging out. I inconspicuously tucked it away, wishing I could do the same with the embarrassment I