I know it's…I know it's hard. The nature of what we're doing is so, so uh…if I thought there was another way, trust me, I'd do it. But we won't be able to pass as a genuine couple if we don't live as one. And because of that, I think things have the tendency to get…muddled."
He was struggling to find the right words. "It's like what we talked about before," I said. "About not letting things get too personal."
He shot me a tired smile. "But that's not really possible, is it? I think we're both learning that."
"Hey, I believe in us." I laid my hand on his shoulder, and felt his muscles tense under my hand. The gesture surprised even me, but at the same time, it felt right. "Here's to being as impersonal and robotic as possible while we pretend to be madly in love."
Daniel chuckled, and I pulled my hand away, slowly.
"I'm sure we can come out of this intact," I said. "We probably won't kill each other. Hey, maybe we'll even stay friends."
I hadn't meant for that to come out sounding so sincere. He looked away, a smile playing on his lips. "Why on earth would you want to be friends with me?" The question was addressed more to himself than it was to me, but I couldn't ignore it.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I prodded, jostling against him gently with my shoulder. I wasn't normally this into physical contact with near-strangers, but at this point I figured I might as well get used to touching him.
He was still looking at the carpet. "Maddy, if you ever need a favor, of course I'll help you. I don't expect a phone call on my birthday in exchange for that."
I didn't know what to say. This wasn't a side of him I'd ever expected to see. No wonder he'd been so bothered by what I'd said down in the living room. There was actually a part of him that thought his bank account was his only asset as a person.
"Don't be ridiculous," was what I finally managed to say. Not ideal, but it would have to do.
Suddenly, I was acutely aware of the electricity crackling in the space between us. We were sitting on a bed. It would be easy - so easy - to just lean over to him press my lips against his, and I was almost sure he wouldn't resist me. I could have what I wanted, if I could only find the courage to take it.
But what if he did resist?
What if he pushed back, saying no, no, Maddy, I don't think this is a good idea. Because it wasn't. But a part of me would always believe it was because I wasn't good enough for him. My ego was a fragile thing. I couldn't risk it.
But what if he didn't?
I could press him down into the fluffy, ridiculously luxurious bedclothes, and that's when he would resist, but not because he didn't want me. No, he liked to be in charge. About that, I was certain. He'd flip me over and hold me down by my wrists, growling in my ear, but when he loomed over me I'd see the wicked smile on his face. He'd kiss me until he forgot he was trying to restrain my arms and he'd let go then, his hands wandering all over my body, sliding under the light fabric of my blouse and pushing it up past my breasts. I'd lift my arms for him then, obediently, feeling the urgent twitch of him against my thigh. He'd pull the blouse over my head and toss it aside. I would bite my lip. My nipples would be so stiff he'd be able to tell how much I wanted him, even through the fabric of my bra. His lips would travel down my neck, his hot breaths sending little shivers down my expanse of bare skin…
I came back to reality with a start. I was staring at him, my mouth hanging open slightly. Luckily he didn't seem to be paying attention. Oh, my God. I had to stop doing this. I was going to drive myself crazy. I swallowed with difficulty; my throat had gone completely dry, and my heartbeat seemed to have relocated itself to somewhere between my legs.
I felt fuzzy and lightheaded, just like last night, but without the wine. Clearly, I didn't need alcohol to go completely stupid for Daniel.
He spoke, finally, still not looking at me.
He was struggling to find the right words. "It's like what we talked about before," I said. "About not letting things get too personal."
He shot me a tired smile. "But that's not really possible, is it? I think we're both learning that."
"Hey, I believe in us." I laid my hand on his shoulder, and felt his muscles tense under my hand. The gesture surprised even me, but at the same time, it felt right. "Here's to being as impersonal and robotic as possible while we pretend to be madly in love."
Daniel chuckled, and I pulled my hand away, slowly.
"I'm sure we can come out of this intact," I said. "We probably won't kill each other. Hey, maybe we'll even stay friends."
I hadn't meant for that to come out sounding so sincere. He looked away, a smile playing on his lips. "Why on earth would you want to be friends with me?" The question was addressed more to himself than it was to me, but I couldn't ignore it.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I prodded, jostling against him gently with my shoulder. I wasn't normally this into physical contact with near-strangers, but at this point I figured I might as well get used to touching him.
He was still looking at the carpet. "Maddy, if you ever need a favor, of course I'll help you. I don't expect a phone call on my birthday in exchange for that."
I didn't know what to say. This wasn't a side of him I'd ever expected to see. No wonder he'd been so bothered by what I'd said down in the living room. There was actually a part of him that thought his bank account was his only asset as a person.
"Don't be ridiculous," was what I finally managed to say. Not ideal, but it would have to do.
Suddenly, I was acutely aware of the electricity crackling in the space between us. We were sitting on a bed. It would be easy - so easy - to just lean over to him press my lips against his, and I was almost sure he wouldn't resist me. I could have what I wanted, if I could only find the courage to take it.
But what if he did resist?
What if he pushed back, saying no, no, Maddy, I don't think this is a good idea. Because it wasn't. But a part of me would always believe it was because I wasn't good enough for him. My ego was a fragile thing. I couldn't risk it.
But what if he didn't?
I could press him down into the fluffy, ridiculously luxurious bedclothes, and that's when he would resist, but not because he didn't want me. No, he liked to be in charge. About that, I was certain. He'd flip me over and hold me down by my wrists, growling in my ear, but when he loomed over me I'd see the wicked smile on his face. He'd kiss me until he forgot he was trying to restrain my arms and he'd let go then, his hands wandering all over my body, sliding under the light fabric of my blouse and pushing it up past my breasts. I'd lift my arms for him then, obediently, feeling the urgent twitch of him against my thigh. He'd pull the blouse over my head and toss it aside. I would bite my lip. My nipples would be so stiff he'd be able to tell how much I wanted him, even through the fabric of my bra. His lips would travel down my neck, his hot breaths sending little shivers down my expanse of bare skin…
I came back to reality with a start. I was staring at him, my mouth hanging open slightly. Luckily he didn't seem to be paying attention. Oh, my God. I had to stop doing this. I was going to drive myself crazy. I swallowed with difficulty; my throat had gone completely dry, and my heartbeat seemed to have relocated itself to somewhere between my legs.
I felt fuzzy and lightheaded, just like last night, but without the wine. Clearly, I didn't need alcohol to go completely stupid for Daniel.
He spoke, finally, still not looking at me.
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