I Represent Sean Rosen by Jeff Baron Page A

podcast. As soon as she saw the red light go on, Grandma would lean over and whisper something right into my digital voice recorder. “He’s doing a marvelous job.” “She wore that to a synagogue?” “Don’t you wish you had a bar mitzvah?” Grandma is not a quiet whisperer.
    The big party was at night at the hotel where Grandma was staying. In the afternoon a bus was taking the kids to play laser tag. I didn’t want to, but I thought about going anyway, just for the podcast. Then I thought about laser tag. It’s too dark for pictures, and it sounds like a video game with a lot of kids yelling. No.
    My dad wanted to drive around Detroit. I didn’t want to. Neither did Grandma, though she said she would if she could drive. She and I went for a walk instead. I had my digital voice recorder in my pocket. I decided it would be a more natural conversation if she didn’t know she was being recorded.
GRANDMA:
Sean, I’m glad you don’t go for those violent games.
ME:
Laser tag?
GRANDMA:
What isn’t violent about pointing a gun at someone?
ME:
You’re just trying to score points.
GRANDMA:
By shooting each other. It’s terrible. I think it’s the schools. They don’t teach you values anymore.
ME:
When was the last time you were in a school?
    Only my grandmother could get me to stick up for laser tag and school, two things I don’t even like.
GRANDMA:
That’s not the point. I live with the products of our schools. Salespeople who won’t look you in the eye. Drivers who veer into your lane because they’re at the wheel sexting.
ME:
I think you mean texting.
GRANDMA:
You’ve got an answer for everything, don’t you? Well, tell me this . . . Do you know one kid who doesn’t want to be rich?
    I thought about it.
ME:
Actually, no. But what’s wrong with being rich?
GRANDMA:
Plenty of things. Plenty of things.
    I thought about it some more.
ME:
I don’t want to be rich just to be rich. But if my career turns out the way I want it to, and millions of people are enjoying my movies and TV shows and games, I just will be rich. I actually don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.
    She didn’t say anything. She just gave me a really strong hug. Grandma is a fierce hugger. It actually hurts.
    When we got back to the hotel, I noticed there was a computer in the lobby. I thought about quickly checking Dan Welch’s e-mail, but whatever might be there . . .
    a) nothing
    b) an e-mail to Dan from Stefanie V. President
    c) an e-mail saying the Dan Welch account is closed because there actually is no Dan Welch. . .
    I didn’t want to find out in a hotel lobby. Plus, my parents were back from their drive, and we had to go change for the party.
    The party was crazy. Jakey couldn’t decide on a theme, so he had two. One was Las Vegas, so there was gambling, and waitresses in very small, very sparkly costumes. The other theme was the Detroit Red Wings, so the waiters all wore hockey uniforms. One of the waiters tripped on his skates and knocked over a waitress and her tray of drinks. I didn’t see it (I heard it), but one of Jakey’s friends told me the waitress’s top came off for a few seconds.
    You could have your picture taken in front of an actual hockey goal with an actual Detroit Red Wing. I forget which one. Obviously, there was a lot of good stuff for my podcast.

chapter 15
    W hen we got home, there wasn’t a police car waiting for me. We went inside and I unpacked. I hate packing for a trip. My mom tries to help me, but she gives up after about five minutes. Unpacking is easy. Everything either goes in the laundry or back in the closet because you didn’t wear it or it isn’t that dirty.
    I started up my annoying computer. It’s almost three years old, and when you first turn it on, it takes forever. I usually just leave it on, but we were going away. If I started it before