If You Loved Me by Vanessa Grant Page A

if he opened the door? What if he came into this room and said the words he'd said all those years ago under a streetlight: I want you?
    Not now, after all these years. She had another life, a man she cared about and planned to marry. Gray probably had a woman in his life too, perhaps someone who lived in the nearby city of Prince Rupert.
    Once she had Chris back, she would forget Gray MacKenzie and concentrate on building a life with Alex.
    Gray gave a low-voiced command and the footsteps moved away. The dog must sleep in the front bedroom with Gray.
    She hadn't seen Chiko yet, but when she did she would recognize him from the magazine picture. Gray with a golden-colored dog of no specific breed, a dog with adoring eyes fixed on its master—well trained. Any dog that belonged to Graham MacKenzie would be well trained.
    Gray always made sure he was the one in control.
    He was the one person in the world who could help her find Chris.
    She'd held on to the conviction that if Chris were terribly hurt, she would sense his pain with the instinct that had been with mothers through all history. Somehow she'd know.
    What if she was wrong? What if he hadn't called because he'd never be able to talk to her again? What if—
    No.
    She had to believe that her baby was alive and well, that she'd find him with Gray's help. Her baby. It seemed such a little time since Chris was an infant. He'd grown up fast. Last year he'd left the home she'd made for him, moving into a university dormitory for his freshman year. He'd become strong and confident, and she ached with both pride and love for her son.
    She turned restlessly and pushed the pillow into place. She had to sleep, must be alert tomorrow.
    We'll leave at first light. That meant she would be flying with Gray, searching for Chris. She'd been prepared to fight for her right to go, but she should have known better. Gray had never tried to shelter and protect her. When she talked about her dreams he'd never mentioned the problems a woman might encounter trying to make it in the medical world. He'd never thrown her childhood illness up at her—except once.
    He'd given her heartbreak, but he'd been the one person who never questioned her ability to be whatever she decided to be. Despite that, he had refused to believe that she loved him.
    He'd been right. When it came to the test, she hadn't had the courage to follow him off the edge of the world.
    She closed her eyes and concentrated on her breath. She was practiced at coaxing her body relax to control the tension of her mind. She'd had to learn to control the strong emotions that threatened her calm. She'd done it every night before surgery, for every child she'd operated on. Worry was the enemy of a steady hand, the enemy of sleep and a clear mind.
    She breathed deeply and counted slowly back from a hundred, visualizing each number written in big letters on her mind, slowly rubbing out ninety-nine before she put up ninety-eight. For years she'd used this technique and it was almost guaranteed to put her to sleep before she got to ninety.
    She erased ninety-four slowly and the rhythm was a sleepy thing. She let the numbers on the imaginary blackboard go. Ninety-four ... autumn with the chill of winter coming and the telephone silent. Her final year of high school. College next.
    The phone didn't ring all through October and November.
    Ninety-four. Had she rubbed out ninety-four yet?
    She ran into Gray in the department store while Christmas shopping. She'd just bought the perfect present for her mother and was hurrying toward the exit, dashing between perfumes and jewelry.
    She gasped as she saw him. She didn't know if she actually ran into him, but he gripped her arms as if to stop her.
    She wore her blue winter coat. Gray was massive in a khaki parka. His hair was red, not the black she'd imagined during that shadowed drive home, copper hair filled with strong waves and a frosting of snow from outside. His eyes were the blue of the