hard I almost fell sideways. “Besides, your mom would kill me if I let that asshole molest you like that.”
“It was by choice. We weren’t doing anything I didn’t want to!” I wanted to beat my head into the dashboard. “That was just foreplay. We weren’t going to do anything until we got back to his place.”
Jake was quiet for a long, charged moment. “Really, Joss?” he finally asked. “What do you see in that guy?”
“He’s nice to me. And he’s one of those rare guys who likes going down on a woman.”
He let out a huff. “Not so rare,” I thought I heard him say under his breath.
I turned away. “Well, you’ve just robbed me of an orgasm.”
“Sorry,” he said, sounding anything but.
I kept my eyes fixed on the window, thinking about Eli and the way he’d looked at me when he figured out my secret. Who was he to judge?
“Maybe he’s right,” I whispered. “I am fucked up.”
Jake glanced at me. “Nothing an aspirin and water won’t fix.”
“No.” I turned my entire body towards him. “I mean I’m fucked up. I want something I can’t have.”
“Joss…” he said on a sigh.
“I know. I get it. You don’t want me!” I said, throwing my hands up. “It’s just… for the first time in my whole life, I feel this need, this craving. Like, I lie awake at night physically needing you. To do—I don’t know. Everything. Make love to me then cuddle with me. Talk to me until we can’t keep our eyes open anymore.”
He refused to look at me. “You know why that can’t happen.”
“I know. I’m a terrible person and the worst daughter, to even think those thoughts about you. I love my mom so much. She deserves an honest man, someone who’ll love her and take care of her.” I swallowed down a sob. “But… it’s my birthday, and I kind of think I deserve someone like that too.”
“You do,” he said, turning to me. “Someday he’ll come along and sweep you off your feet. And then you’ll see that you're just projecting a fantasy onto me. At most, it’s nothing but a tiny, insignificant crush.”
“A tiny, insignificant crush,” I echoed with a humorless laugh. Somehow I didn’t think this was that. At all. “But I’m moving out soon, so I won’t have to see you as much.”
He pulled over on the side of the road and killed the engine. “You’re moving out?” he demanded.
“Didn’t Mom tell you?”
“No.” He leaned back in the seat, lost in his thoughts for a moment. Then he asked, “Because of me?”
I shook my head. I had just bared my soul but somehow it seemed important that he know I wasn’t running from him. “Because it’s time. I should have moved out a long time ago.”
“Joss…” he began. “That’s really not necessary. I can move out if it’s too uncomfortable.”
“No. I need this. I need to just… go.”
He was quiet for a long time, his blue eyes flying all over my face. Finally, he reached over and retrieved something from the glove box. “Here,” he said and held out a small gift-wrapped package.
“What’s this? You already made me the bookcase for my birthday.”
He set it on the seat between us. “Just open it.”
I ripped the packaging and found a small wood box with intricate swirly silver inlay. “It’s beautiful.” I flipped the lid open and found a wooden heart inside.
“It’s carved out of African Blackwood, one of the strongest in the world.” He lifted out the heart and placed it on the center of my palm. “One day, Joss, you’ll find the right guy who actually deserves you. Until that day comes, you keep your heart protected in this box.”
“What if I’ve already found him?” I asked, holding his gaze.
He shook his head. “It’s not me. And it’s definitely not Eli.”
“And what if I give it to the wrong guy?”
He didn’t have an answer for that. I suspected he was wondering the same.
“ T hank you ,” I told Jake as we entered the dark house twenty minutes
“It was by choice. We weren’t doing anything I didn’t want to!” I wanted to beat my head into the dashboard. “That was just foreplay. We weren’t going to do anything until we got back to his place.”
Jake was quiet for a long, charged moment. “Really, Joss?” he finally asked. “What do you see in that guy?”
“He’s nice to me. And he’s one of those rare guys who likes going down on a woman.”
He let out a huff. “Not so rare,” I thought I heard him say under his breath.
I turned away. “Well, you’ve just robbed me of an orgasm.”
“Sorry,” he said, sounding anything but.
I kept my eyes fixed on the window, thinking about Eli and the way he’d looked at me when he figured out my secret. Who was he to judge?
“Maybe he’s right,” I whispered. “I am fucked up.”
Jake glanced at me. “Nothing an aspirin and water won’t fix.”
“No.” I turned my entire body towards him. “I mean I’m fucked up. I want something I can’t have.”
“Joss…” he said on a sigh.
“I know. I get it. You don’t want me!” I said, throwing my hands up. “It’s just… for the first time in my whole life, I feel this need, this craving. Like, I lie awake at night physically needing you. To do—I don’t know. Everything. Make love to me then cuddle with me. Talk to me until we can’t keep our eyes open anymore.”
He refused to look at me. “You know why that can’t happen.”
“I know. I’m a terrible person and the worst daughter, to even think those thoughts about you. I love my mom so much. She deserves an honest man, someone who’ll love her and take care of her.” I swallowed down a sob. “But… it’s my birthday, and I kind of think I deserve someone like that too.”
“You do,” he said, turning to me. “Someday he’ll come along and sweep you off your feet. And then you’ll see that you're just projecting a fantasy onto me. At most, it’s nothing but a tiny, insignificant crush.”
“A tiny, insignificant crush,” I echoed with a humorless laugh. Somehow I didn’t think this was that. At all. “But I’m moving out soon, so I won’t have to see you as much.”
He pulled over on the side of the road and killed the engine. “You’re moving out?” he demanded.
“Didn’t Mom tell you?”
“No.” He leaned back in the seat, lost in his thoughts for a moment. Then he asked, “Because of me?”
I shook my head. I had just bared my soul but somehow it seemed important that he know I wasn’t running from him. “Because it’s time. I should have moved out a long time ago.”
“Joss…” he began. “That’s really not necessary. I can move out if it’s too uncomfortable.”
“No. I need this. I need to just… go.”
He was quiet for a long time, his blue eyes flying all over my face. Finally, he reached over and retrieved something from the glove box. “Here,” he said and held out a small gift-wrapped package.
“What’s this? You already made me the bookcase for my birthday.”
He set it on the seat between us. “Just open it.”
I ripped the packaging and found a small wood box with intricate swirly silver inlay. “It’s beautiful.” I flipped the lid open and found a wooden heart inside.
“It’s carved out of African Blackwood, one of the strongest in the world.” He lifted out the heart and placed it on the center of my palm. “One day, Joss, you’ll find the right guy who actually deserves you. Until that day comes, you keep your heart protected in this box.”
“What if I’ve already found him?” I asked, holding his gaze.
He shook his head. “It’s not me. And it’s definitely not Eli.”
“And what if I give it to the wrong guy?”
He didn’t have an answer for that. I suspected he was wondering the same.
“ T hank you ,” I told Jake as we entered the dark house twenty minutes
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