her head, as if to clear her ears. "Care to run
that past me again?"
"What the hell. You can't get any more pissed at me than you
are already." He reached into his rear pants' pocket and pulled out a
small paper sack, holding it out to her.
Jess reached for it hesitantly, as if it might contain a family of
tarantulas.
"Go ahead," he prodded. "Open it."
She did. Inside were two badly mashed, squishy flesh-tone objects.
She pulled them out, holding them by the tips of her fingers.
Her enunciation was exaggerated to the extreme, her tone deadly
calm as she inquired, "Are these what I think they are?"
"What do you think they are?" he hedged, his expression
as guilty as sin.
"Falsies." She all but spat the word at him.
"Actually, the correct term these days, according to the
saleslady who waited on me, is 'breast enhancers.' "
"I don't care if they're called booby balloons!" she
shot back, waving them in front of his nose. "It amounts to the
same thing! And you can take them right back! Maybe you can get a refund. If
not, wear them yourself for all I care. I certainly won't!"
"I knew you'd take this all wrong," he griped.
"Look, Jess. I was just trying to help."
"Help?" she mocked. "If this is your idea of help,
I can darned well do without it."
He sighed. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just
figured you must be self-conscious about the size of your breasts, and maybe
you were too shy or sensitive about the subject to buy something like this
yourself."
"But you weren't at all shy about doing it for me, were
you?" she exclaimed in disbelief. "My God! I can't believe you
actually purchased these yourself! Or did you have someone else do it for
you?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Fess up, you cad. Who else
is in on this nasty little joke of yours?"
"It's no joke, Jess, and no one knows but you and me. I
honestly did buy them myself, and believe me when I tell you it was anything
but funny. I had to talk my ass off to get that woman to believe I was buying
the blasted things for my poor, embarrassed, underdeveloped little
sister."
"Well!" she huffed. "Thank you too much for your
blunt analysis of my attributes, or lack thereof. However, your efforts and any
embarrassment you suffered—and I hope you were humiliated to the hilt—were all
in vain. I learned a long time ago not to attempt to make myself over into
something I wasn't meant to be. I also learned this particular lesson the hard
way," she added, wagging the falsies at him for emphasis. "Believe
me, the lesson stuck."
"You, uh... you tried some already?"
"To my everlasting regret," she admitted. "I was
fifteen, and all the other girls in my class had chests. All but me. I was
still in the training bra stage, being teased to death by my older brother.
Finally, Mom took pity on me and bought me a padded bra. Overnight, I went from
a minus-A to a B cup, and I took a lot more ribbing from
brother Mike about that. He liked to claim I'd sprayed them with Miracle
Grow."
A chuckle spurted from Ty's lips. At Jess's scowl, he pursed them
in an effort to quell any further outbursts.
She resumed her tale. "Some of the other kids at school were
really unkind about it, too, but I ignored them all in favor of my new,
improved shape. Until the day the washer broke and Mom and I went to the
laundromat to do the clothes. Everything went fine until we got home and I
couldn't locate the foam inserts to my bra. To make a long story short, we
drove back to the laundromat. Mom went in and came out just as fast. She got
back into the car, clutched the wheel, and in a strangled voice told me that if
I wanted those things back that badly, I would have to go in and get them
myself, because someone had tacked them to the bulletin board."
"Oh, my Lord!" If his life had depended on it, Ty could
not have kept from laughing.
Even Jess was wearing a wry grin, remembering that long-ago day.
"Oh, go ahead. Mom laughed, too. So hard she could scarcely see to drive,
as I
that past me again?"
"What the hell. You can't get any more pissed at me than you
are already." He reached into his rear pants' pocket and pulled out a
small paper sack, holding it out to her.
Jess reached for it hesitantly, as if it might contain a family of
tarantulas.
"Go ahead," he prodded. "Open it."
She did. Inside were two badly mashed, squishy flesh-tone objects.
She pulled them out, holding them by the tips of her fingers.
Her enunciation was exaggerated to the extreme, her tone deadly
calm as she inquired, "Are these what I think they are?"
"What do you think they are?" he hedged, his expression
as guilty as sin.
"Falsies." She all but spat the word at him.
"Actually, the correct term these days, according to the
saleslady who waited on me, is 'breast enhancers.' "
"I don't care if they're called booby balloons!" she
shot back, waving them in front of his nose. "It amounts to the
same thing! And you can take them right back! Maybe you can get a refund. If
not, wear them yourself for all I care. I certainly won't!"
"I knew you'd take this all wrong," he griped.
"Look, Jess. I was just trying to help."
"Help?" she mocked. "If this is your idea of help,
I can darned well do without it."
He sighed. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I just
figured you must be self-conscious about the size of your breasts, and maybe
you were too shy or sensitive about the subject to buy something like this
yourself."
"But you weren't at all shy about doing it for me, were
you?" she exclaimed in disbelief. "My God! I can't believe you
actually purchased these yourself! Or did you have someone else do it for
you?" Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. "Fess up, you cad. Who else
is in on this nasty little joke of yours?"
"It's no joke, Jess, and no one knows but you and me. I
honestly did buy them myself, and believe me when I tell you it was anything
but funny. I had to talk my ass off to get that woman to believe I was buying
the blasted things for my poor, embarrassed, underdeveloped little
sister."
"Well!" she huffed. "Thank you too much for your
blunt analysis of my attributes, or lack thereof. However, your efforts and any
embarrassment you suffered—and I hope you were humiliated to the hilt—were all
in vain. I learned a long time ago not to attempt to make myself over into
something I wasn't meant to be. I also learned this particular lesson the hard
way," she added, wagging the falsies at him for emphasis. "Believe
me, the lesson stuck."
"You, uh... you tried some already?"
"To my everlasting regret," she admitted. "I was
fifteen, and all the other girls in my class had chests. All but me. I was
still in the training bra stage, being teased to death by my older brother.
Finally, Mom took pity on me and bought me a padded bra. Overnight, I went from
a minus-A to a B cup, and I took a lot more ribbing from
brother Mike about that. He liked to claim I'd sprayed them with Miracle
Grow."
A chuckle spurted from Ty's lips. At Jess's scowl, he pursed them
in an effort to quell any further outbursts.
She resumed her tale. "Some of the other kids at school were
really unkind about it, too, but I ignored them all in favor of my new,
improved shape. Until the day the washer broke and Mom and I went to the
laundromat to do the clothes. Everything went fine until we got home and I
couldn't locate the foam inserts to my bra. To make a long story short, we
drove back to the laundromat. Mom went in and came out just as fast. She got
back into the car, clutched the wheel, and in a strangled voice told me that if
I wanted those things back that badly, I would have to go in and get them
myself, because someone had tacked them to the bulletin board."
"Oh, my Lord!" If his life had depended on it, Ty could
not have kept from laughing.
Even Jess was wearing a wry grin, remembering that long-ago day.
"Oh, go ahead. Mom laughed, too. So hard she could scarcely see to drive,
as I
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