contour of the hill, he canât see far ahead, but as he comes around the side of the mountain the slope opens out and the path unravels a long way into the future. Now he can see Reiner in the distance, a tiny figure, moving fast and not looking back. He tries to speed up, but he is tired and heavy. He is also carrying more than his share, it is Reinerâs job to carry the tent but he strode off without it, everything in the end is coming down to a few lost pegs and the weight of a tent.
Â
After a while he stops trying to catch up. But when they are on the other side of the mountain he gets a full view of the path going on, then taking a sharp turn to the left and descending towards a river. Reiner is far along, approaching the turn. The path doesnât travel a direct route, and he sees that if he leaves the track here and cuts across a steep slope he can come out ahead of Reiner at the river.
Â
He goes off down to the left, scrabbling between little scrubby bushes and loose rocks, trying to keep his balance. From the corner of his eye he watches Reiner, he sees him speed up when he realizes whatâs going on, trying to keep his lead, then slowing down again when he realizes he canât do it. All this happens without mutual acknowledgement.
Â
Lurching and struggling, he comes to the bottom of the dip and rejoins the path ahead of Reiner. Now he can afford to relax. He takes a leisurely walk to the river and removes his pack and sits down to wait. The water is shallow but fast. Stones have been positioned so that you can hop from one to another to get across. Just over the crest of a rise on the far side are the pointed roofs of huts, a thin line of smoke cracking open the sky.
Â
In a few minutes Reiner arrives. They donât look at each other. He stands, gazing around, then also takes his pack off and sits down. They donât speak. They both stare silently in the same direction, a little way apart from each other. The noise of water underscores the scene. Both of them are calm, and it is understood that they will proceed together from this point.
Â
When they set off again it is Reiner who moves first, standing and stretching and busying himself with his pack. Then he also stands and prepares himself, mirroring Reiner. Itâs as if theyâre in different places, not a word has been spoken.
Â
Halfway across, he slips on a stone and falls. He isnât hurt, only wet and humiliated. Reiner has already gone across safely and he turns to look back briefly. He doesnât laugh but itâs as if heâs laughing. He doesnât wait, he doesnât pause, he leaves me kneeling in the water and goes on, in half a minute heâs disappeared over the rise.
Â
I get up, walk across to the other side. Stare for a second at the empty path, thinking, heâs gone again, heâs gone again. Then follow. Powered now by a fury that makes him glacially calm, all the unsaid words swirling in his mouth like smoke, limbs hot with all the things he didnât do.
Â
Over the rise he sees Reiner sitting in a dip, on a log, smiling as he watches children from the village playing in long grass around him. Smiling and smiling.
Â
He comes up and says, why didnât you wait.
Â
Reiner looks up, eyebrows raised, an expression of patient enquiry on his face.
Â
When I fell just now. In the water. Why didnât you wait. I waited for you.
Â
We will discuss it, Reiner says. But later.
Â
We will discuss it now.
Â
The last word, the now, is charged with a voltage that surprises everybody. The children, who havenât understood the meaning of this quiet exchange, suddenly go silent and move watchfully away.
Â
We will discuss it, Reiner says, but not in that tone of voice.
Â
His own tone is disdainful and bored, itâs as if a bad smell has passed under his nose, he looks at his companion then back at the children and
Â
After a while he stops trying to catch up. But when they are on the other side of the mountain he gets a full view of the path going on, then taking a sharp turn to the left and descending towards a river. Reiner is far along, approaching the turn. The path doesnât travel a direct route, and he sees that if he leaves the track here and cuts across a steep slope he can come out ahead of Reiner at the river.
Â
He goes off down to the left, scrabbling between little scrubby bushes and loose rocks, trying to keep his balance. From the corner of his eye he watches Reiner, he sees him speed up when he realizes whatâs going on, trying to keep his lead, then slowing down again when he realizes he canât do it. All this happens without mutual acknowledgement.
Â
Lurching and struggling, he comes to the bottom of the dip and rejoins the path ahead of Reiner. Now he can afford to relax. He takes a leisurely walk to the river and removes his pack and sits down to wait. The water is shallow but fast. Stones have been positioned so that you can hop from one to another to get across. Just over the crest of a rise on the far side are the pointed roofs of huts, a thin line of smoke cracking open the sky.
Â
In a few minutes Reiner arrives. They donât look at each other. He stands, gazing around, then also takes his pack off and sits down. They donât speak. They both stare silently in the same direction, a little way apart from each other. The noise of water underscores the scene. Both of them are calm, and it is understood that they will proceed together from this point.
Â
When they set off again it is Reiner who moves first, standing and stretching and busying himself with his pack. Then he also stands and prepares himself, mirroring Reiner. Itâs as if theyâre in different places, not a word has been spoken.
Â
Halfway across, he slips on a stone and falls. He isnât hurt, only wet and humiliated. Reiner has already gone across safely and he turns to look back briefly. He doesnât laugh but itâs as if heâs laughing. He doesnât wait, he doesnât pause, he leaves me kneeling in the water and goes on, in half a minute heâs disappeared over the rise.
Â
I get up, walk across to the other side. Stare for a second at the empty path, thinking, heâs gone again, heâs gone again. Then follow. Powered now by a fury that makes him glacially calm, all the unsaid words swirling in his mouth like smoke, limbs hot with all the things he didnât do.
Â
Over the rise he sees Reiner sitting in a dip, on a log, smiling as he watches children from the village playing in long grass around him. Smiling and smiling.
Â
He comes up and says, why didnât you wait.
Â
Reiner looks up, eyebrows raised, an expression of patient enquiry on his face.
Â
When I fell just now. In the water. Why didnât you wait. I waited for you.
Â
We will discuss it, Reiner says. But later.
Â
We will discuss it now.
Â
The last word, the now, is charged with a voltage that surprises everybody. The children, who havenât understood the meaning of this quiet exchange, suddenly go silent and move watchfully away.
Â
We will discuss it, Reiner says, but not in that tone of voice.
Â
His own tone is disdainful and bored, itâs as if a bad smell has passed under his nose, he looks at his companion then back at the children and
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