In Front of God and Everybody by KD McCrite Page B

be worth something.” He straightened and looked around, but I sat quiet as a mouse, praying he’d never see me. And he didn’t. Not right then, anyway.
    What he did see was Grandma’s purse, laying right out there on the little table by the door, plain as day. Boy, oh boy, did his eyes light up. He turned toward it, his hand out.
    And he saw me. He gave a jump of surprise. I didn’t know I looked so scary.
    â€œGrandma is in the other room,” I told him.
    He stared at me a few seconds, then said, real loud, “Well, who are you? Wait! Don’t tell me. Let me guess.” He snapped his fingers. “You’re Miz Grace’s grandson.”
    I don’t look like a boy, even if he couldn’t see my long hair.
    â€œI’m a girl!” I yanked my red braid over a shoulder and all but waved it at the old goofball.
    â€œWhy, blamed if that ain’t so!” He laughed like an asthmatic hyena. “Blamed if that ain’t so. What’s your name, young’un?” He sat down right next to me. The air around us practically turned blue from all that Old Spice aftershave lotion he musta bathed in.
    â€œApril Grace Reilly.”
    â€œHa!” he said so loud and quick that I was the one who jumped that time. “Named after your granny, are you?”
    I nodded and wished that said granny would get back in here and take care of this thing.
    â€œYou like school?”
    â€œI like summer vacation better.”
    He leaned closer and yelled, “How’s that?”
    I could see, plain as daylight, that he wore hearing aids, so why didn’t he turn ’em on?
    â€œI said I like summer vacation better,” I repeated.
    He snorted and laughed and slapped his thigh like that was the funniest joke since God created Myra Sue. Grandma finally came out of the bedroom, her hair all fresh combed and smooth. She wore her new, blue, just-for-church dress.
    â€œYou going to church, Grandma?”
    Her cheeks got red, and I realized too late that she’d dressed up for Mr. Rance. He turned to face her and looked her up and down the way Daddy does to Mama when he thinks nobody is looking. Mr. Rance didn’t seem to care that I was sitting right there.
    â€œWell, don’t you look a picture, Miz Grace?” He pushed both hands against his thighs and stood up, grunting a little.
    â€œThank you, Jeffrey,” she said real soft. I doubted the deaf old man heard her.
    Then he did the unthinkable. He gave her a big, loud, wet smooch you could have heard clear up to the Missouri state line. I squinched myself back into the sofa as far as I could and pressed my face with a green cushion embroidered with the Lord’s Prayer.
    Grandma mumbled something. “Whatsa matter?” Mr. Rance boomed. “Ain’t she never heard of kissin’ before?”
    I kept the cushion over my face and pretended I was in the Outback of Australia, away from Rough Creek Road, Myra Sue, the St. Jameses, Queenie, Mr. Rance, and Grandma.
    â€œApril and I were fixing to go into Cedar Ridge,” Grandma said. “It’s Tuesday, you know. Double coupons at the Grocerteria, and one percent off regular prices for seniors.”
    Then Grandma yanked the cushion away from my face and looked like she wanted to swat my behind.
    â€œWell, what a coincidence.” Mr. Rance grinned so big, he like to have split his face. He had a mouthful of teeth, and he was showing every one of them. I hoped they were real, because I sure didn’t want to see dentures fall out of his head. He continued, “I was on my way to town myself, so I come over here to see if you wanted to go along, maybe have lunch at the Koffee Kup.”
    â€œOh.” Grandma looked about half-pleased and half-nervous.
    â€œWe’ve done had lunch,” I told him, hoping he’d go home. “Grandma made tuna sandwiches with little pickles in them.”
    â€œOh, April,” Grandma