In the Land of Birdfishes by Rebecca Silver Slayter Page A

suddenly, her face softened into a thrill of a smile.
    “Come on, Annie,” said Jim. He hummed something that sounded more like country than opera, and the two of them danced like that on the hill. I felt uncomfortable and trudged down the hill a little way. I had fifty dollars on me and a credit card. My bank card. I hadn’t worked out money with Stephan before he left. I had no idea if he was still drawing on my account or adding to it. I wished I could hike from here down to the town and get a hotel without needing to say anything else to these people. I looked back and they were still dancing. He had a deep smile on his face, pressed against Annie’s hair and the side of her face. She’d taken her hat off, or it had fallen off. She was so tiny, he was bent in two over her, but he lookedlike there was no other way to dance. He moved like a different kind of man. Like a gentle man. Like a man who would ask permission to use someone’s bathroom.
    “I’m going to go down now,” I said. “I’ve got to find a hotel room. Can I just follow this road down?”
    Annie turned to me, her face still smiling like she was a little girl at Christmastime. “You do what you want, honey. But it’s a long road down and no hotels to be had this time of night. Be careful of the bears.”
    “You’re not walking down,” said Jim, letting go of Annie. “We’ll drive you. You can crash with me tonight. I got lots of space.”
    “The hell you do,” said Annie. “She’s staying at my place. You got a tent?”
    “No,” I said. “Just that suitcase, that’s all I brought.”
    “You’ll have to get one tomorrow if you don’t find your sister. You can crash on my couch tonight. Let’s get out of here.”
    We drove into town, in the strange blue light of near dark that never quite became dark. When we dropped Jim off, Annie got out of the truck and hugged him for a long time. He opened his arms to me, but I stayed in the truck.
    “You have a nice visit,” said Jim. “I bet that sister of yours’ll be real glad to see you. It was nice to meet you and I hope to have the pleasure again.”
    “You’re such a cornball when you’ve been drinking,” said Annie.
    “Hey, Aileen, you know I’ve got a boat. I could take you out on the water—you like fishing?”
    “No,” I said. Annie looked at the ground and Jim turned sad, blurry eyes to me. “I don’t really want to go fishing,” I said.
    “Okey-dokey,” said Jim. “Well, I’ll be seeing you, Annie.”
    “You take care of yourself,” she said.
    Because until Stephan left me, I had always been just this side of being alone. But never all the way. Until he left, I never had a whole week of nights in the dark remembering how three years of my life long ago had been lived in the dark and how there had always been another out in that darkness, a hand waiting if I reached mine out …
    We drove to Annie’s house in quiet. It was a small, white woodframe house. Annie piled a blanket and a pillow on a couch. “There you go,” she said. “There’s coffee by the fridge, but I’ll ask you not to wake me in the morning.”
    “Thank you,” I said. “Thank you for the ride and letting me stay here. I don’t know what I would have done.”
    Annie had the hard, shining eyes of someone who’s had too much to drink, but her voice was sober. “You got a mean streak in you, don’t you,” she said softly. “You shouldn’t have treated Jim like that. He’s a good man. There’s no cause for treating people that way.”
    Before I could say anything, she turned around and switched off the light. “Good to meet you, Aileen,” she said, and headed up the stairs.
    I stretched out on the couch, leaving the blanket on a chair beside me. The night was warm. I closed my eyes, but already the blue light was getting brighter and whiter, filling the room. I lay awake for hours in the quiet of someone else’s house.

THREE
    A ND THAT WAS HOW I would answer him when he asked.