“Luke and I? I don’t know that I’m ready, really. I thought I was, I’m getting old… but I don’t know if I could actually live with another person.”
“How’d you find out?”
Dee fixed him with a bitter look, lips thinning, as he sat down in the recliner that was his game chair (where he sat to play video games). “What, you just assume—”
“Yes.”
He glared at him for a long moment, then sighed. “Fine. We went to Ocean Shores for a weekend, shared a hotel room, and I found out he has annoying habits.”
“Everybody has annoying habits. You just work around them or learn to live with them.”
“Is that what Dylan does with you?”
“Ha. Yes. He and I spend time pursuing separate interests, we both have loner tendencies, and that works for us. He does yoga and paints, and I break heads and become a lion. It’s a win-win.”
“Is it? He seems to think you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”
“He’s a very insightful man. Is there anything else?”
Dee stared at him again, but this time it was suspicious. “Did—did you just admit you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown?”
“What am I going to say at this point, Dee? It’s a slow-motion collapse. The pills keep it at bay, but it won’t hold forever, just like I won’t be Human forever. Got it, don’t need it spelled out for me. But thanks.”
Dee now sat forward, hands on his knees. “What? What was that about not being Human forever? Shit, is this related to Willow Creek? It is, isn’t it? What did you find out?”
Roan knew he should tell Dylan first, but he was tired and a bit headache-y from the partial change. Besides, Dee would understand what he was saying from a medical perspective. So he took a deep breath, and told him what Rosenberg had uncovered, and what she speculated might happen. Dee took it in with growing disbelief, or at least that’s what Roan decided his widening eyes and slightly unhinging jaw were all about.
When Roan finished talking, Dee said breathlessly, “Bullshit. Bullshit! There’s no way—”
“No way what? I’m becoming more lion? I fractured a man’s skull with one punch, and I was trying to go easy on him. I saw the tendons humans don’t have, I saw the bone spurs in my hands. Sometimes, if I press the skin hard enough, I swear I can feel them.”
“You’re not going to turn into a lion one day and not come back. That is not happening.”
“Are you sure? Can you give me a written guarantee?”
“Don’t be an asshole—”
“It’s what I do best.”
“Are you ever gonna stop interrupting me?”
Roan shrugged, and inexplicably felt like he was on the verge of tears. “I know I’m hurting Dylan, and I know that’s what you called to lecture me about, but there’s a danger you’re not aware of. I think I may actually hurt him, physically. I think I’m losing control. I don’t want to hurt him, Dee, but to keep the lion back I need more drugs than I have.”
“You don’t want to hurt him, do you?”
“No, of course not, how can you even ask that? But since he’s the only thing keeping me Human, I think the lion would be glad to have him gone.”
Dee stared at him for an uncomfortably long minute. “You do know how insane that sounds, right?”
He nodded. “If you think it sounds crazy, imagine being me.” He wiped the back of his hand beneath his eyes, getting rid of any lingering moisture.
Dee continued staring at him like he was the craziest person he’d ever met, which was saying something from a paramedic—along with cops and social workers they were often the front line of the crazy brigade. “You’re gonna get angry at me, I know, but people addicted to painkillers can have delusions—”
“It’s not a delusion, Dee. The lion is sneaking out—when I don’t want it to appear, it does. It’s getting stronger and I’m drowning. Rosenberg only confirmed it’s physical, not just mental. Did you know I can feel it? In my shoulders
“How’d you find out?”
Dee fixed him with a bitter look, lips thinning, as he sat down in the recliner that was his game chair (where he sat to play video games). “What, you just assume—”
“Yes.”
He glared at him for a long moment, then sighed. “Fine. We went to Ocean Shores for a weekend, shared a hotel room, and I found out he has annoying habits.”
“Everybody has annoying habits. You just work around them or learn to live with them.”
“Is that what Dylan does with you?”
“Ha. Yes. He and I spend time pursuing separate interests, we both have loner tendencies, and that works for us. He does yoga and paints, and I break heads and become a lion. It’s a win-win.”
“Is it? He seems to think you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown.”
“He’s a very insightful man. Is there anything else?”
Dee stared at him again, but this time it was suspicious. “Did—did you just admit you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown?”
“What am I going to say at this point, Dee? It’s a slow-motion collapse. The pills keep it at bay, but it won’t hold forever, just like I won’t be Human forever. Got it, don’t need it spelled out for me. But thanks.”
Dee now sat forward, hands on his knees. “What? What was that about not being Human forever? Shit, is this related to Willow Creek? It is, isn’t it? What did you find out?”
Roan knew he should tell Dylan first, but he was tired and a bit headache-y from the partial change. Besides, Dee would understand what he was saying from a medical perspective. So he took a deep breath, and told him what Rosenberg had uncovered, and what she speculated might happen. Dee took it in with growing disbelief, or at least that’s what Roan decided his widening eyes and slightly unhinging jaw were all about.
When Roan finished talking, Dee said breathlessly, “Bullshit. Bullshit! There’s no way—”
“No way what? I’m becoming more lion? I fractured a man’s skull with one punch, and I was trying to go easy on him. I saw the tendons humans don’t have, I saw the bone spurs in my hands. Sometimes, if I press the skin hard enough, I swear I can feel them.”
“You’re not going to turn into a lion one day and not come back. That is not happening.”
“Are you sure? Can you give me a written guarantee?”
“Don’t be an asshole—”
“It’s what I do best.”
“Are you ever gonna stop interrupting me?”
Roan shrugged, and inexplicably felt like he was on the verge of tears. “I know I’m hurting Dylan, and I know that’s what you called to lecture me about, but there’s a danger you’re not aware of. I think I may actually hurt him, physically. I think I’m losing control. I don’t want to hurt him, Dee, but to keep the lion back I need more drugs than I have.”
“You don’t want to hurt him, do you?”
“No, of course not, how can you even ask that? But since he’s the only thing keeping me Human, I think the lion would be glad to have him gone.”
Dee stared at him for an uncomfortably long minute. “You do know how insane that sounds, right?”
He nodded. “If you think it sounds crazy, imagine being me.” He wiped the back of his hand beneath his eyes, getting rid of any lingering moisture.
Dee continued staring at him like he was the craziest person he’d ever met, which was saying something from a paramedic—along with cops and social workers they were often the front line of the crazy brigade. “You’re gonna get angry at me, I know, but people addicted to painkillers can have delusions—”
“It’s not a delusion, Dee. The lion is sneaking out—when I don’t want it to appear, it does. It’s getting stronger and I’m drowning. Rosenberg only confirmed it’s physical, not just mental. Did you know I can feel it? In my shoulders
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