would take the test together. Instead, I’m sitting in a sterile, white examining room in a blue hospital-gown with diamond patterns on it, staring at a white stick.
Doctor Starr must sense my anxiety, because she walks over and pats my back. “This is great news. Let’s hope that you’re pregnant, and you can just find a fun way to tell him.”
I look up at her through blurry tear-filled eyes. “We’ve just been through so much this year. I wanted Colin to have this moment as validation for all of his hard work.”
She smirks. “The hard part starts in nine months when the baby has colic, your nipples are raw and bleeding, and y’all haven’t slept in a week. Trust me, Caroline, Colin will have a lot more moments.”
She can certainly put things in perspective, like Rachael. I know that she’s right, but I feel so guilty for not letting Colin come to this appointment, especially after he asked to attend.
When the timer goes off, she looks at me. “Want me to do the honors?”
“Please,” I reply as I wait for the news. I keep telling myself over and over there is no way I’m pregnant. I had a period. I HAD A PERIOD! The test is negative, and Colin and I’ll begin infertility treatments. You don’t have periods if you’re pregnant. Break through bleeding sure. But, not a period where you have to use products over multiple days.
I watch her walk to the counter and look down at the stick. She turns back around and her eyes reveal the truth before her mouth does. I’m pregnant.
The tears that I’ve been fighting to keep in check come pouring out. I must have gotten pregnant in the last couple of weeks. I can’t believe it. The realization hits me. I’m going to be a mom. Colin and I are going to be parents. Colin is going to be a daddy. Pancho will have a baby to play with. My parents and Colin’s parents will be grandparents. My sisters will be aunts. I leap to my feet and throw my arms around Doctor Starr. “Thank you. Thank you so much!”
She hugs me back and says, “Honey, I didn’t do anything. Seems like you and Colin did all the heavy lifting.”
I laugh at her cute joke.
“Now, we need to see how far along you are.” I crawl up on the exam table and wait for her questions. “When was your last period?”
“Three weeks ago.” I reply.
“That can’t be right. It’s too early to confirm a pregnancy with one of these sticks. Are you sure that your dates are right?” she says, looking in my chart as if the answer is hiding there.
“Trust me. I know exactly when I had that period,” I reply, now a bit concerned.
“Here, let’s go do an ultrasound, and see if we can see anything.”
I follow her out of the exam room and down the hall to the last door at the end, hoping that this gown is providing at least a degree of modesty. She knocks once, and then opens it. I lie down on the table as she dims the lights. She takes a seat on a bright-blue plastic rolling-stool.
She flips on the monitor and grabs a wand, slipping a condom over it. She places a huge dollop of gel on it that she removed from a warming container.
I put my feet in the stirrups like a good girl, spreading my knees. She slides the wand inside as I feel pressure expanding me.
“Okay, Caroline. We might see your baby. We might not. Please don’t panic. This is just to see how far along you are,” she reassures me.
“I understand.” I nod my head.
I close my eyes, and pray that I’m newly pregnant. My alcohol-infused trip to Cabo cannot have happened with a life inside of me… can it? I finger my wedding ring, hoping for good news.
“Open your eyes,” Doctor Starr instructs.
I do as she asks, and roll my head to the side to see the monitor. There’s our baby, about the size of a bean. The grainy black and white image is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. Tears roll down my cheeks as I clasp my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God, that’s my baby,” I gasp.
“Do you see that tiny flicker?”
Doctor Starr must sense my anxiety, because she walks over and pats my back. “This is great news. Let’s hope that you’re pregnant, and you can just find a fun way to tell him.”
I look up at her through blurry tear-filled eyes. “We’ve just been through so much this year. I wanted Colin to have this moment as validation for all of his hard work.”
She smirks. “The hard part starts in nine months when the baby has colic, your nipples are raw and bleeding, and y’all haven’t slept in a week. Trust me, Caroline, Colin will have a lot more moments.”
She can certainly put things in perspective, like Rachael. I know that she’s right, but I feel so guilty for not letting Colin come to this appointment, especially after he asked to attend.
When the timer goes off, she looks at me. “Want me to do the honors?”
“Please,” I reply as I wait for the news. I keep telling myself over and over there is no way I’m pregnant. I had a period. I HAD A PERIOD! The test is negative, and Colin and I’ll begin infertility treatments. You don’t have periods if you’re pregnant. Break through bleeding sure. But, not a period where you have to use products over multiple days.
I watch her walk to the counter and look down at the stick. She turns back around and her eyes reveal the truth before her mouth does. I’m pregnant.
The tears that I’ve been fighting to keep in check come pouring out. I must have gotten pregnant in the last couple of weeks. I can’t believe it. The realization hits me. I’m going to be a mom. Colin and I are going to be parents. Colin is going to be a daddy. Pancho will have a baby to play with. My parents and Colin’s parents will be grandparents. My sisters will be aunts. I leap to my feet and throw my arms around Doctor Starr. “Thank you. Thank you so much!”
She hugs me back and says, “Honey, I didn’t do anything. Seems like you and Colin did all the heavy lifting.”
I laugh at her cute joke.
“Now, we need to see how far along you are.” I crawl up on the exam table and wait for her questions. “When was your last period?”
“Three weeks ago.” I reply.
“That can’t be right. It’s too early to confirm a pregnancy with one of these sticks. Are you sure that your dates are right?” she says, looking in my chart as if the answer is hiding there.
“Trust me. I know exactly when I had that period,” I reply, now a bit concerned.
“Here, let’s go do an ultrasound, and see if we can see anything.”
I follow her out of the exam room and down the hall to the last door at the end, hoping that this gown is providing at least a degree of modesty. She knocks once, and then opens it. I lie down on the table as she dims the lights. She takes a seat on a bright-blue plastic rolling-stool.
She flips on the monitor and grabs a wand, slipping a condom over it. She places a huge dollop of gel on it that she removed from a warming container.
I put my feet in the stirrups like a good girl, spreading my knees. She slides the wand inside as I feel pressure expanding me.
“Okay, Caroline. We might see your baby. We might not. Please don’t panic. This is just to see how far along you are,” she reassures me.
“I understand.” I nod my head.
I close my eyes, and pray that I’m newly pregnant. My alcohol-infused trip to Cabo cannot have happened with a life inside of me… can it? I finger my wedding ring, hoping for good news.
“Open your eyes,” Doctor Starr instructs.
I do as she asks, and roll my head to the side to see the monitor. There’s our baby, about the size of a bean. The grainy black and white image is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. Tears roll down my cheeks as I clasp my hand over my mouth. “Oh my God, that’s my baby,” I gasp.
“Do you see that tiny flicker?”
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