sooner the better. Marrying Simon would have eased the familyâs burden even when Father was alive; how much more would it do that now? Love makes everything that is heavy light , her father had said. But did she love Simon?
âI guess I need to know if youâd be willing to let me take care of you. Iâm not that good with words. Itâs not just takin g car e of you, you know what I mean, providing for you. I care for you. I . . . I love you. I never said that before. I never said it to anyone, but you know Iâve always felt that.â
She reached over, squeezed his hand, and then looked away. âThank you,â she said.
She felt the weight of silence. She knew he was waiting for her to say she loved him, but she couldnât bring herself to speak the words.
He went on, disappointment in his voice, âI know Iâm not the most exciting guy out there, but Iâm dependable and respectful and I would never do anything to hurt you.â
âSimon, I know all that. I just donât know if I can give you the kind of assurances you want right now.â
âIâve been patient,â he said. He sounded impatient when he said it.
âPatient?â
âYouâre always studying. When we get together, itâs to do homework or research. We never do anything fun. We hardly even make out.â
âWe make out all the time.â
âOnce a week, maybe, and you always put a stop to it after a short while. You know what I mean,â he said. He didnât sound like he was complaining; he sounded like he was marshaling his evidence to show she was not affectionate.
âI didnât know that bothered you.â
âIt doesnât bother me. But Iâm a guy. Iâm trying to tell you I never asked anything from you.â
âI donât get it,â Kate said. âWhat exactly are you asking for now? I thought you were talking about making a more formal commitment, like an engagement. Now it sounds like youâre saying we havenât been intimate enough.â
âNo, thatâs not what I meant. I meant that weâve been in the same place for a long time. I know your father let me go out with you because he trusted me, and I never wanted to let him down. I just think that now we should move on to the next step. I donât even know if itâs engagement. It may be going straight to marriage.â
âWe would go from being boyfriend and girlfriend, skipping pre-engagement and engagement, straight to marriage.â She couldnât help poking fun at him. âFirst you tell my aunt weâre pre-engaged without even talking to me, and now you want to get married without actually proposing.â
âOh, man. I really botched this up. Can I start over again?â
Kate looked at the neighborsâ house. Mr. and Mrs. DomÃnguez had lived in that house for thirty-five years. Their children had grown up and gotten married, and now a rusty swing set stood in the backyard, used now and then by the grandchildren. Kate thought of the DomÃnguezesâ living room. It was carpeted with a thick, burgundy carpet. A wine-colored sofa and armchair surrounded a giant TV screen. An armoire full of porcelain angels that Mrs. DomÃnguez collected at yard sales stood in the corner. Every time Kate visited the DomÃnguezes, she imagined what it would be like to spend her life in that living room. Was she wrong in thinking there was more to life than that? Why did she fear she would end up in that living room forever if she married Simon?
Simon was dependable, respectful, hardworking. He didnât drink or belong to a gang. She had been his first serious girlfriend even though many other girls had been after him. They were comfortable around each other and never once did Kate feel discontented with what they had. She knew Simon would have sex with her if she let him, but she never felt strongly enough about him to have sex.
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