It's Just Lola by Dixiane Hallaj Page A

a woman?”
    “ What does size have to do with it?   I ’ m almost fourteen years old.”
    “That’s what worries me.  Fourteen is still very young.  I ’ m not playing games.  I want to marry a woman who can be a true wife—not a little girl playing at love.”
    How could he doubt her?  How could he think she was just playing?  She hadn’t played with her dolls for ages, even though they still sat on her bed during the day.  “Of course I love you as a woman loves a man.  I wish us to be wed, and I thought that was your wish as well.”
    “I do love you , but my doubts keep me awake at night.  I want to ask your father for your hand, but if you ’ re not yet a woman… ”  He took a breath before plunging into the next sentence.   “ It would be a mistake to trap you into a commitment before you ’ re mature enough to know your own mind.   Dearest Lola, I ’ ve tried to dispel my doubts but I can’t.  You ’ re the only one who can erase them and put me at ease.  You must show me that you can love me as a wife loves a husband.”
    “How could you even suggest such a thing?  If you love me you wouldn ’ t want my virtue and reputation to be ruined!”
    Rudolfo gave a short laugh.  “Strictly speaking, we have already lain together.”
    Lola gasped in shock.  “You know we didn’t… I mean you know nothing…”  She was so hurt and confused that she couldn’t even think the words she should be saying.
    “Do you really think anyone would believe that?  Your father, for instance?”
    Lola was furious.  She stomped out of his apartment and ran to the house with tears streaming down her face. 
    Rosa opened the door for the tearful girl.  Lola forestalled her questions by saying she had a sick headache from the heat.  She needed to lie down for a bit with a cool cloth on her head—and could Rosa please tell Pilar that she would not be coming down for the evening meal.
    Lola lay on her bed feeling very sorry for herself.  It did not take long for her to be consumed by fear that she ’ d lost Rudolfo forever.  She ’ d never felt more alone and forlorn.  By evening Lola had convinced herself that Rudolfo’s request was reasonable.  He deserved to go into a marriage without any doubts.  Since they were to be wed soon anyway, what harm could it do?  
    The next morning Lola was startled to find Rudolfo in her office when she arrived.  He shut the door behind her, and apologized with such an expression of desolation that even if Lola hadn ’ t forgiven him the night before, she would have done so immediately when she saw how sorry he was.
    “There ’ s nothing to forgive,” she said, throwing herself into his arms.  “You have every right to know that I ’ m truly a woman before you ask for my hand.”  She gave him a kiss.   “As much as I ’ d like to show you how sincere I am right this very minute,” she said, “we both have work to do.  You must get out to the fields before Papa thinks you ’ re not doing your job.” He nodded and released her, promising to be back for lunch and a very special siesta time.  Lola gave him a playful shove out the door.   Her hands were shaking with fear and anticipation as she pulled the ledger books out of the drawers .  It took all of her will and concentration to get through the morning.  When the whistle blew releasing the workers for the midday break, she thought she ’ d never heard a more beautiful sound. 
    Lola was trembling all over by the time she mounted the stairs to Rudolfo’s apartment.  She had only the vaguest idea of what to expect.
    “What if something happens?” she asked with trembling lips.
    “Of course something will happen, dearest,” Rudolfo reassured her.  “Something wonderful will happen between two people in love.”
    She shook her head.  That wasn’t what she meant, but she had trouble saying what was on her mind.  “I mean something else.”  Rudolfo seemed unable or unwilling to