long-winded talk about feelings. I glowered at Jax, grateful at least that he'd have to suffer through it too.
"It occurs to me…" Annie sat back in her chair, wielding her favorite opening line.
"Whatever. Listen," Jax pushed his chair back, "as much fun as this little oversharing family time has been, I've got shit to do." His chair scraped across the floor obnoxiously. "Don't wait up."
He disappeared around the back, deftly avoiding the photographers, and leaving me with our parents like some sacrificial lamb.
"Lily, have you any idea what's going on with Jax?" Annie said.
"Going on?" I stammered. "No, I just got here, how the hell would I know?"
"I don't know, you two seemed awfully close for a while."
I squirmed under Annie's gaze, tripping over how exactly how close we were. "Wish I could tell you something helpful, but I know even less than you do. Today was the first time we talked since I left for New York." My ears burned as I remembered exactly why I had left.
And just like that, I hated him again.
Chapter Twelve
Jaxson
It was a new place, louder and more raucous than our usual haunts, but tonight, that suited me just fine.
"Dude, slow down. I'm not in the mood to be cleaning up your puke tonight."
I finished my shot anyway and then leveled my gaze on Casper. My guitarist, and the closest thing I had to a friend, was so pale that the black lights made him glow. "I already have a mother," I slurred. "I don't need another one."
"I've met your mother, asshole!" he shouted over the sound of the bass. "She signed my guitar."
"I'm never going to forgive you for that. Traitor."
Casper grinned, his teeth glowing blue. "It's my retirement plan! In case my boss drinks himself to death instead of finishing his album."
"Don't call me your boss!" I groaned. "Makes me sound like I'm paying you to hang out with me."
"Well, shit! You kind of are. I don't have the money for this kind of place… bottle service… high-class girls." He shot a grin at his girl, Harlow, who looked up from her conversation with her blonde friend—Laney, Lana, something like that—and stuck her tongue out at him.
"You will!" The liquor was making me feel expansive. Grandiose. "Just stick with me…" A ripple went through me and I caught myself before I added, "…please."
It's a sad fucking state of affairs that even now, after years of knowing each other and two years playing together, I still wasn't entirely comfortable around Casper, or Toad, or any of them. There was always that voice—that nagging voice in my head that sounded suspiciously like Annie's—that told me they were using me. Using my money. Using my mother's name. My name. That no one actually liked me for just… me.
I used to think that about everyone. Until I met Bit. For some reason, she seemed to bring out a side of me that was actually likable. Maybe not to everyone, but to her, at least. She never looked at me like she was only barely tolerating my presence.
At least, she never did before.
Now, though, well… it was clear she wanted to hate my guts. Her cute little temper tantrum in the bathroom was proof of that. But the way she’d looked at me at dinner made her a liar. At dinner, when I had rescued her from her dad's epic awkwardness, she had looked at me like she used to. With those eager, open eyes.
And it had been too fucking much for me to take. I had to get out of that restaurant before I said or did something that we both would regret.
"Jaxson, I'm serious here. Give it a rest." Casper's hand was on mine. I hadn't even noticed that mine was on the bottle.
I shook my head to clear it. "Fine. Let's take a break. I need to dance anyway. Clear my head."
Harlow and Laney-Lana jumped up immediately. "Finally!" Harlow whooped and draped herself across Casper's back. He grinned and carried her piggyback down the steps to the crowded dance floor.
Laney-Lana sashayed up to me, smoothing her hands down her hips, subtly pulling her
"It occurs to me…" Annie sat back in her chair, wielding her favorite opening line.
"Whatever. Listen," Jax pushed his chair back, "as much fun as this little oversharing family time has been, I've got shit to do." His chair scraped across the floor obnoxiously. "Don't wait up."
He disappeared around the back, deftly avoiding the photographers, and leaving me with our parents like some sacrificial lamb.
"Lily, have you any idea what's going on with Jax?" Annie said.
"Going on?" I stammered. "No, I just got here, how the hell would I know?"
"I don't know, you two seemed awfully close for a while."
I squirmed under Annie's gaze, tripping over how exactly how close we were. "Wish I could tell you something helpful, but I know even less than you do. Today was the first time we talked since I left for New York." My ears burned as I remembered exactly why I had left.
And just like that, I hated him again.
Chapter Twelve
Jaxson
It was a new place, louder and more raucous than our usual haunts, but tonight, that suited me just fine.
"Dude, slow down. I'm not in the mood to be cleaning up your puke tonight."
I finished my shot anyway and then leveled my gaze on Casper. My guitarist, and the closest thing I had to a friend, was so pale that the black lights made him glow. "I already have a mother," I slurred. "I don't need another one."
"I've met your mother, asshole!" he shouted over the sound of the bass. "She signed my guitar."
"I'm never going to forgive you for that. Traitor."
Casper grinned, his teeth glowing blue. "It's my retirement plan! In case my boss drinks himself to death instead of finishing his album."
"Don't call me your boss!" I groaned. "Makes me sound like I'm paying you to hang out with me."
"Well, shit! You kind of are. I don't have the money for this kind of place… bottle service… high-class girls." He shot a grin at his girl, Harlow, who looked up from her conversation with her blonde friend—Laney, Lana, something like that—and stuck her tongue out at him.
"You will!" The liquor was making me feel expansive. Grandiose. "Just stick with me…" A ripple went through me and I caught myself before I added, "…please."
It's a sad fucking state of affairs that even now, after years of knowing each other and two years playing together, I still wasn't entirely comfortable around Casper, or Toad, or any of them. There was always that voice—that nagging voice in my head that sounded suspiciously like Annie's—that told me they were using me. Using my money. Using my mother's name. My name. That no one actually liked me for just… me.
I used to think that about everyone. Until I met Bit. For some reason, she seemed to bring out a side of me that was actually likable. Maybe not to everyone, but to her, at least. She never looked at me like she was only barely tolerating my presence.
At least, she never did before.
Now, though, well… it was clear she wanted to hate my guts. Her cute little temper tantrum in the bathroom was proof of that. But the way she’d looked at me at dinner made her a liar. At dinner, when I had rescued her from her dad's epic awkwardness, she had looked at me like she used to. With those eager, open eyes.
And it had been too fucking much for me to take. I had to get out of that restaurant before I said or did something that we both would regret.
"Jaxson, I'm serious here. Give it a rest." Casper's hand was on mine. I hadn't even noticed that mine was on the bottle.
I shook my head to clear it. "Fine. Let's take a break. I need to dance anyway. Clear my head."
Harlow and Laney-Lana jumped up immediately. "Finally!" Harlow whooped and draped herself across Casper's back. He grinned and carried her piggyback down the steps to the crowded dance floor.
Laney-Lana sashayed up to me, smoothing her hands down her hips, subtly pulling her
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