her face but she was absolutely about to start defending Nick. And she knew Skye just wanted what was best for her. She wrapped her fingers and thumb around her forehead to massage her own temples. “He’s the only one I want. He’s the only one that calls to me.” Haleigh rolled over a bit, staring up at her. Jenna lowered her hand, running Haleigh’s hair through her fingers to have something to do with her hands and something to focus on. “He’s in the dreams too. Not so much in them-in them, but in my head in the dreams, while Ian’s fucking me. It’s totally messed up. But I really do believe it’s Nick or nothing. And nothing right now is going to kill me if I can’t get some good sleep in the next few nights. I’m running on fumes as it is.” Cyn took her hand and squeezed it. “Then you do what you need to and we’ll be here when you need to fall apart if you don’t want to do it in front of Nick. We’ll be your rocks, just like you were for each of us. Got it?” Tears filled her eyes but she closed them before they tumbled over. She was so lucky to have them in her life. Women that understood her and her needs. Didn’t ridicule or look down their nose at her for her desires. There weren’t a lot of people in the world that could say that and truly mean it, and she felt blessed. Her mind was so scattered by everything but one thing kept popping up in her mind with giant question marks plastered over it. She blurted it out before she could stop herself. “Will it ever stop?” “What? The dreams?” Cyn asked. “No. The hurt. It’s been four years. And two months and twenty-three days. Will it ever go away?” Sympathy crossed Cyn’s face but Haleigh’s the one who spoke up. “It’s probably like losing someone but you didn’t get to say goodbye. I think it’s harder that way. Keeps the pain fresh because you have no end to the pain. No way to forgive yourself or stop playing the ‘what if’ game.” For all of Haleigh’s innocence, when she made comments like that she reminded all of them she’d lived with a lot. Battled in the fight of her life and won but at a heavy price. Jenna made a mental note to hug Kyle and Scott again, just for simply loving such a sweet and wonderful soul as Haleigh’s. All three of them were special to her. Cyn pulled her out of her own inner to-do list. “What did you mean by self-suspend? Or something like that. Skye started to say it earlier but you cut her off.” Jenna wiped her eyes, glad to be focused on something else for a bit. “I not only bottom to riggers who can tie me in rope, I can tie myself.” Silence met her explanation until Haleigh broke it. “Huh?” Jenna chuckled and Skye snorted. “It took me a while to get my head around it but once you see her do it? It will blow your mind.” “But isn’t the point of being tied up to have sex?” “Sometimes.” “Huh again?” Haleigh added. “ Qu’est que c’est , sometimes? My brain does not compute with that.” “Rope is very different than most forms of bondage. Two people that aren’t sexually attracted to each other can have amazing rope energy. And some other people that are very attracted to each other can crash and burn when it comes to rope. It’s very intense, whether you’re doing floor work or suspension or dynamic suspensions—where you transition through different ties, one leading into the next and to the next.” “But how do you do it yourself?” Cyn questioned. “I don’t even see how that’s possible. Tying yourself up on the floor maybe, but in the air? Wouldn’t that be really hard? I can barely do ten chin-ups before I need a break and a smoothie.” Jenna flexed her arm, proud as hell when her biceps made an impressive appearance. “Ever wondered why I’m so strong?” Haleigh felt her arm, squeezing as she flexed. “Remind me to hire you as my bodyguard if I ever need it.” Skye curled her hand into a fist at the mention