way.
Old Man smiled some more.
I could tell he wasnât going to speak, though.
I saw the doubt
in Caitlanâs eyes.
Itâs okay, I said. I think heâs here to help us find Jenson. (Donât know for sure why I said that, but I did.)
We hiked through some dense bush on a trail that didnât seem much like a trail. It had been overgrown with alders and maple saplings. And then we came to a bare ridge of rock that led higher up the hill until there were no trees at all. Just a bare ridge of bedrock running north and south.
I was breathing hard.
Caitlan was breathing hard.
Old Man had kept walking faster and faster, getting farther and farther ahead of us.
And then he was far away and we couldnât see him.
Maybe he was gone.
I heard a sparrow singing.
And then I looked down.
It was faint, hard to make out at first, worn down by a thousand years of weather, covered with lichen.
But Iâd been there before as a boy
with my grandfather
when he was alive.
I brushed away some lichen and moss.
I see it, she said.
A star.
North, south, east, and west.
What does it mean?
Iâm not sure, I said.
But it was put here a long time ago
because this is a sacred place
of spirits.
Caitlan traced the lines
in the rocks with her finger.
And thatâs when we heard someone
walking our way.
What the Sparrow Saw
The sparrow was still singing.
I saw him now on the prickly limb
of a low, scrubby pine tree.
He flew off to the south
when Jenson walked by.
Caitlan swallowed hard.
Jenson?
I donât know if I should be here, he said
But I followed you.
I was wide-eyed but said nothing.
I pretended I was not afraid.
I thought of Geronimo coaxing the sun to come up later,
Crazy Horse understanding the real world behind the shadow world of the living.
I silently said, Holy Fuck, Old Man, you are really messing with us now.
Old Man only said, âShushâ inside my head.
Jenson Speaks
I wanted to sort this all out in my head and make sense of what was going on but realized it was way beyond my control or my full understanding or any of that shit.
Sit back and let things roll.
Caitlan walked right up to Jenson
and I expected him to vanish like Old Man had.
I thought it was all some kind of trick,
some kind of weird dream
but it wasnât like that.
Caitlan turned to me. Jeremy, she said,
would you mind leaving us here
alone for a bit?
I looked at Jenson, tried to fathom who he was, what he was, what his intentions were, tried to figure out if Caitlan was in danger, if we were both complete psychos, if it had really been Old Man leading us, and worst of all, wondering how could Jenson be here if he never existed in the first place?
Shush, Old Man told me.
I nodded, walked north in the direction Old Man had gone, followed the ridge of granite into the bush on what I knew was once a well-travelled path of my ancestors, expecting any minute to see a hawk or an owl, but there was nothing.
Only black flies and a few mosquitoes that attacked me
because they knew a truly confused boy
was no warrior but just easy prey
and a good source
of blood.
I sat down on an outcropping of rock
and looked down at the valley belowâ
my old community.
I saw the house I had been born in,
thought of my childhood,
my family,
and how
so much had changed,
how much I had lost,
thought maybe I was
in some kind of stupor again
like the night before,
wondered why Old Man
wasnât there
to comfort me,
to tell me it was all
going to be okay.
I waited for a sign,
some signal,
some voice inside my head,
some image in the sky
but I got nothing.
I felt small
and insignificant
and left behind.
I lost my courage and slipped into a dark place
where I was all
alone.
And then I heard hurried footsteps
and shallow, fast breathing.
Jeremy.
I stood up and Caitlan fell into me, wrapped her arms around me.
She was crying.
Jenson explained everything,
she
Old Man smiled some more.
I could tell he wasnât going to speak, though.
I saw the doubt
in Caitlanâs eyes.
Itâs okay, I said. I think heâs here to help us find Jenson. (Donât know for sure why I said that, but I did.)
We hiked through some dense bush on a trail that didnât seem much like a trail. It had been overgrown with alders and maple saplings. And then we came to a bare ridge of rock that led higher up the hill until there were no trees at all. Just a bare ridge of bedrock running north and south.
I was breathing hard.
Caitlan was breathing hard.
Old Man had kept walking faster and faster, getting farther and farther ahead of us.
And then he was far away and we couldnât see him.
Maybe he was gone.
I heard a sparrow singing.
And then I looked down.
It was faint, hard to make out at first, worn down by a thousand years of weather, covered with lichen.
But Iâd been there before as a boy
with my grandfather
when he was alive.
I brushed away some lichen and moss.
I see it, she said.
A star.
North, south, east, and west.
What does it mean?
Iâm not sure, I said.
But it was put here a long time ago
because this is a sacred place
of spirits.
Caitlan traced the lines
in the rocks with her finger.
And thatâs when we heard someone
walking our way.
What the Sparrow Saw
The sparrow was still singing.
I saw him now on the prickly limb
of a low, scrubby pine tree.
He flew off to the south
when Jenson walked by.
Caitlan swallowed hard.
Jenson?
I donât know if I should be here, he said
But I followed you.
I was wide-eyed but said nothing.
I pretended I was not afraid.
I thought of Geronimo coaxing the sun to come up later,
Crazy Horse understanding the real world behind the shadow world of the living.
I silently said, Holy Fuck, Old Man, you are really messing with us now.
Old Man only said, âShushâ inside my head.
Jenson Speaks
I wanted to sort this all out in my head and make sense of what was going on but realized it was way beyond my control or my full understanding or any of that shit.
Sit back and let things roll.
Caitlan walked right up to Jenson
and I expected him to vanish like Old Man had.
I thought it was all some kind of trick,
some kind of weird dream
but it wasnât like that.
Caitlan turned to me. Jeremy, she said,
would you mind leaving us here
alone for a bit?
I looked at Jenson, tried to fathom who he was, what he was, what his intentions were, tried to figure out if Caitlan was in danger, if we were both complete psychos, if it had really been Old Man leading us, and worst of all, wondering how could Jenson be here if he never existed in the first place?
Shush, Old Man told me.
I nodded, walked north in the direction Old Man had gone, followed the ridge of granite into the bush on what I knew was once a well-travelled path of my ancestors, expecting any minute to see a hawk or an owl, but there was nothing.
Only black flies and a few mosquitoes that attacked me
because they knew a truly confused boy
was no warrior but just easy prey
and a good source
of blood.
I sat down on an outcropping of rock
and looked down at the valley belowâ
my old community.
I saw the house I had been born in,
thought of my childhood,
my family,
and how
so much had changed,
how much I had lost,
thought maybe I was
in some kind of stupor again
like the night before,
wondered why Old Man
wasnât there
to comfort me,
to tell me it was all
going to be okay.
I waited for a sign,
some signal,
some voice inside my head,
some image in the sky
but I got nothing.
I felt small
and insignificant
and left behind.
I lost my courage and slipped into a dark place
where I was all
alone.
And then I heard hurried footsteps
and shallow, fast breathing.
Jeremy.
I stood up and Caitlan fell into me, wrapped her arms around me.
She was crying.
Jenson explained everything,
she
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