were carefree and easy breezy running on a beach. Not only did her heart never get broken, but she also never bled through her white pants.
I walked away from the front of the room right after I stopped talking and was caught off guard by the spontaneous applause that erupted from the group. Had these people been to AA before or was this some kind of ingrained group dynamic? Whatever it was, it felt good; my spine grew an inch longer, and I stood a little taller before taking my seat. I had never gotten applause all for myself before.
I told my own story about how I caught Eric cheating with Floozy and staged my pathetic faux breakup in his apartment. I continued through the sad weeks of calling and texting and culminated with the man bits ending up on the Internet.
The room agreed that breaking up with someone to try to force them to (a) become more serious or (b) stop doing something hurtful to you just about never works. That seemed like a good rule to remember.
Rule 1: Staging a dramatic outburst
never leads to a grand gesture.
We went around the circle and everyone shared just like they had in the AA meeting, except each of these women’s stories involved some kind of neurosis about men and relationships.
Everyone started out by putting their hands in the air, saying their name and “I’m a love addict,” like we had seen people do in the movies. It made us giggle at first, but I have to admit there was something therapeutic about saying it out loud.
Cameron: Was addicted to online dating, despite several disastrous dates that resulted from her efforts on Match.com, J-Date, and something called A Lot of Fish. Among these disasters was Vegan Biter. In his online profile on A Lot of Fish, Matthew had seemed totally datable. He was a lawyer, living in Brooklyn, nonsmoker, social drinker, liked travel, loved animals. When they got to the bar, Cameron found out that Matthew loved animals so much he didn’t eat them. Cameron let this go despite her own near addiction to medium-rare hamburgers with blue cheese and continued with the date. Over the next three hours, Matthew told her he was from Staten Island, his dad was a racist, his sister had two illegitimate children, he never went in the ocean because he was afraid of sharks, and he didn’t fly because he was afraid of planes. “I thought you said in your profile you liked to travel?” Cameron asked. “I’ve driven to Disney World seven times. Have you been to Epcot? It’s like seeing the whole world without getting on a plane,” he said.
When Cameron told him maybe he was sharing too much for a first date, he replied, “Wouldn’t you rather have everything out on the table at the very start of things?” Since this seemed entirely rational, Cameron agreed and kept drinking dirty martinis, maybe a little faster than before. He invited her back to his place to see his fish. He wouldn’t shut up about his damn fish, and against her better judgment she went. She blamed the gin and the fact that he promised some of his fish glowed in the dark. They did indeed glow in the dark and before Cameron knew it they were making out by the light of the glow-in-the-dark fish in the bedroom of his junior one-bedroom in Chelsea. That’s when he started biting. The first one was right above her left hip and it was a sizable bite. Cameron bruised easily and yelped, “Hey, cut it out.” And he did for about ten minutes until he got his teeth close to the fleshy part of her thigh and then, CHOMP! That was the last straw, and Cameron called it a night. She couldn’t wear a bikini for weeks while the welts healed.
Annie got a good laugh at that one.
“He was hungry. He hadn’t had protein in nine years!!!!”
The other online outcasts Cameron picked up included a banker who brought his mom along on their first date, a television producer who she caught wearing her black La Perla panties after he spent the night at her apartment, and the dog walker who left a
I walked away from the front of the room right after I stopped talking and was caught off guard by the spontaneous applause that erupted from the group. Had these people been to AA before or was this some kind of ingrained group dynamic? Whatever it was, it felt good; my spine grew an inch longer, and I stood a little taller before taking my seat. I had never gotten applause all for myself before.
I told my own story about how I caught Eric cheating with Floozy and staged my pathetic faux breakup in his apartment. I continued through the sad weeks of calling and texting and culminated with the man bits ending up on the Internet.
The room agreed that breaking up with someone to try to force them to (a) become more serious or (b) stop doing something hurtful to you just about never works. That seemed like a good rule to remember.
Rule 1: Staging a dramatic outburst
never leads to a grand gesture.
We went around the circle and everyone shared just like they had in the AA meeting, except each of these women’s stories involved some kind of neurosis about men and relationships.
Everyone started out by putting their hands in the air, saying their name and “I’m a love addict,” like we had seen people do in the movies. It made us giggle at first, but I have to admit there was something therapeutic about saying it out loud.
Cameron: Was addicted to online dating, despite several disastrous dates that resulted from her efforts on Match.com, J-Date, and something called A Lot of Fish. Among these disasters was Vegan Biter. In his online profile on A Lot of Fish, Matthew had seemed totally datable. He was a lawyer, living in Brooklyn, nonsmoker, social drinker, liked travel, loved animals. When they got to the bar, Cameron found out that Matthew loved animals so much he didn’t eat them. Cameron let this go despite her own near addiction to medium-rare hamburgers with blue cheese and continued with the date. Over the next three hours, Matthew told her he was from Staten Island, his dad was a racist, his sister had two illegitimate children, he never went in the ocean because he was afraid of sharks, and he didn’t fly because he was afraid of planes. “I thought you said in your profile you liked to travel?” Cameron asked. “I’ve driven to Disney World seven times. Have you been to Epcot? It’s like seeing the whole world without getting on a plane,” he said.
When Cameron told him maybe he was sharing too much for a first date, he replied, “Wouldn’t you rather have everything out on the table at the very start of things?” Since this seemed entirely rational, Cameron agreed and kept drinking dirty martinis, maybe a little faster than before. He invited her back to his place to see his fish. He wouldn’t shut up about his damn fish, and against her better judgment she went. She blamed the gin and the fact that he promised some of his fish glowed in the dark. They did indeed glow in the dark and before Cameron knew it they were making out by the light of the glow-in-the-dark fish in the bedroom of his junior one-bedroom in Chelsea. That’s when he started biting. The first one was right above her left hip and it was a sizable bite. Cameron bruised easily and yelped, “Hey, cut it out.” And he did for about ten minutes until he got his teeth close to the fleshy part of her thigh and then, CHOMP! That was the last straw, and Cameron called it a night. She couldn’t wear a bikini for weeks while the welts healed.
Annie got a good laugh at that one.
“He was hungry. He hadn’t had protein in nine years!!!!”
The other online outcasts Cameron picked up included a banker who brought his mom along on their first date, a television producer who she caught wearing her black La Perla panties after he spent the night at her apartment, and the dog walker who left a
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