could pierce him with my stare. He was in a red haze, the blood behind my eyes made the whole world take on red. The red rushed in front of my eyes back and forth, in and out, with every beat of my beating heart. Sweetie’s breath in me was hot as dragon’s breath.
T. J. laughed and pointed at me, then snorted again.
Through the pounding in my ears, I heard Sweetie say, “Lissa, show him your fire inside.”
I screamed, “ You idiot !” Spit flew from my mouth and I wiped at it.
“Oh no! Look at the dog slobbering fat ass!” He looked back at his gang. “Be careful, she might sit on us.”
It all happened fast, before I had time to think, even though it seemed as if it was in a dreamy slow motion. The pounding in my ears, Sweetie’s scorching breath, my brother’s book, my fat, my stutters, all the teasing from all the kids everywhere I’d ever been, T. J.’s torments that never stopped, all of it whirled around in a tornado of blazing red fury and heat—I was one of Nonna’s burning barns that people didn’t see but was there, big and bright.
I bull-charged T. J., hit him with all my might. He stumbled back and fell into the creek. The boys laughed, even though it was against the Boy Posse Rules: Boys Stick Together Always . His eyes were widened in surprise, his clothes, hair, and face soaking with creek water. He sputtered, cursing and thrashing.
“Hot diggity dog!” Sweetie jumped up and down, clapping her hands. I looked over at her, a grin pulling at my lips, puffed up with my bravery and strength. I was about to say, That’ll teach him, won’t it, Sweetie ? when she shouted, “Look out, Lissa!”
T. J. blindsided me, hitting me with an open palm and knocking me on the ground. He stood over me. “You fat piece of crap.”
All my brave and strong left me then and I was just a fat girl sprawled on the ground.
Sweetie ran up to him, pushing him away from me. “Leave her be.”
His face purpled, the veins sticking out in his neck. “I’ll beat the fat off your friend, Sweetie-Pie , and then I’ll beat your crazy ass into the ground.”
“I am not crazy!” Sweetie swung, hit him on the side of his head with a solid thwunk .
T. J. turned and punched Sweetie right in the mouth and there were “Oh’s!” that came from the Head Circle Girls or the Posse or maybe me, or all of us. Sweetie didn’t even flinch, only crossed her arms over her chest and laughed. When he hit her again, her head bounced back, she lost her footing a bit, straightened, and when she grinned, her lip split open.
“Sweetie!” I was still sprawled, a slug in the grass. The side of my head throbbed from his open slap—what was Sweetie feeling with his punches? I tried to think what to do. Get up and start swinging, that’s what I would do. I would then grab Sweetie and run to hide us away inside the old three-rock cave, where they’d never find us. I stood, feeling dizzy and scared. I wanted to be like Sweetie, tough and unafraid.
Sweetie said, “That all you got? You big sugar tit.”
T. J. raised his fist to her again, but he didn’t look so sure of himself anymore.
“Don’t hurt my friend!” I heard the sound of my own trembling voice—a baby sound, a fraidy cat sound. It made me mad with shame.
T. J. cut his eyes to me. “Soon as I’m finished with her, it’s your turn, Fat Ass.”
From across the creek, one of the Posse said, “It ain’t right to beat up on girls. Just ’cause your dad does it to your mom, don’t mean you got a call to.”
Jeremy called out, “That’s right, Sugar Tit ,” and the boys whooshed out all their air laughing.
Sweetie said, “You losing all your power, T. J. Even your posse’s laughing at you.”
T. J.’s eyes bulged.
Deidra hollered, “ Get her, T. J.! She isn’t a lady, so it doesn’t count if you beat her up!” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and glared at the other boys. “If he gets that fudge, I’ll let him kiss me.”
The Posse
T. J. laughed and pointed at me, then snorted again.
Through the pounding in my ears, I heard Sweetie say, “Lissa, show him your fire inside.”
I screamed, “ You idiot !” Spit flew from my mouth and I wiped at it.
“Oh no! Look at the dog slobbering fat ass!” He looked back at his gang. “Be careful, she might sit on us.”
It all happened fast, before I had time to think, even though it seemed as if it was in a dreamy slow motion. The pounding in my ears, Sweetie’s scorching breath, my brother’s book, my fat, my stutters, all the teasing from all the kids everywhere I’d ever been, T. J.’s torments that never stopped, all of it whirled around in a tornado of blazing red fury and heat—I was one of Nonna’s burning barns that people didn’t see but was there, big and bright.
I bull-charged T. J., hit him with all my might. He stumbled back and fell into the creek. The boys laughed, even though it was against the Boy Posse Rules: Boys Stick Together Always . His eyes were widened in surprise, his clothes, hair, and face soaking with creek water. He sputtered, cursing and thrashing.
“Hot diggity dog!” Sweetie jumped up and down, clapping her hands. I looked over at her, a grin pulling at my lips, puffed up with my bravery and strength. I was about to say, That’ll teach him, won’t it, Sweetie ? when she shouted, “Look out, Lissa!”
T. J. blindsided me, hitting me with an open palm and knocking me on the ground. He stood over me. “You fat piece of crap.”
All my brave and strong left me then and I was just a fat girl sprawled on the ground.
Sweetie ran up to him, pushing him away from me. “Leave her be.”
His face purpled, the veins sticking out in his neck. “I’ll beat the fat off your friend, Sweetie-Pie , and then I’ll beat your crazy ass into the ground.”
“I am not crazy!” Sweetie swung, hit him on the side of his head with a solid thwunk .
T. J. turned and punched Sweetie right in the mouth and there were “Oh’s!” that came from the Head Circle Girls or the Posse or maybe me, or all of us. Sweetie didn’t even flinch, only crossed her arms over her chest and laughed. When he hit her again, her head bounced back, she lost her footing a bit, straightened, and when she grinned, her lip split open.
“Sweetie!” I was still sprawled, a slug in the grass. The side of my head throbbed from his open slap—what was Sweetie feeling with his punches? I tried to think what to do. Get up and start swinging, that’s what I would do. I would then grab Sweetie and run to hide us away inside the old three-rock cave, where they’d never find us. I stood, feeling dizzy and scared. I wanted to be like Sweetie, tough and unafraid.
Sweetie said, “That all you got? You big sugar tit.”
T. J. raised his fist to her again, but he didn’t look so sure of himself anymore.
“Don’t hurt my friend!” I heard the sound of my own trembling voice—a baby sound, a fraidy cat sound. It made me mad with shame.
T. J. cut his eyes to me. “Soon as I’m finished with her, it’s your turn, Fat Ass.”
From across the creek, one of the Posse said, “It ain’t right to beat up on girls. Just ’cause your dad does it to your mom, don’t mean you got a call to.”
Jeremy called out, “That’s right, Sugar Tit ,” and the boys whooshed out all their air laughing.
Sweetie said, “You losing all your power, T. J. Even your posse’s laughing at you.”
T. J.’s eyes bulged.
Deidra hollered, “ Get her, T. J.! She isn’t a lady, so it doesn’t count if you beat her up!” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and glared at the other boys. “If he gets that fudge, I’ll let him kiss me.”
The Posse
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