only wanted to be popular in a theoretical way, but not in a real way. Like, I had fun with all the planning and shopping and decorating but now that it’s time for the big move, I’m suddenly realizing that I might not actually want to live there. Because if this is what’s required of us, phony smiling ‘til our faces ache, avoiding foodwhile our stomachs growl, and putting aside all of our opinions just so we can pretend to like and dislike the exact same things as everybody else—well, it’s starting to feel like way too high of a price. It’s starting to feel like the ultimate sellout.
But since I can’t exactly say that, much less ignore the ominous look Sloane is giving me, I just break off a miniscule piece of scone, pop it in my mouth, and throw the rest away. Wondering how on earth I can possibly make it to lunch without fainting from hunger.
During the ten-minute break, Sloane shows up with Claire again. And by lunch I can hardly believe it when we’re promoted to Table A. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re sitting in the center, or anywhere near the top (which is the absolute most coveted spot because then practically the whole school can see you), but we’re definitely securely perched on the far outermost edge. And even though I don’t really say anything, and even though nobody says anything to me, and even though I don’t really like anyone here (other than Sloane), I gotta admit, it still feels pretty amazing.
After school we’re all (and by all I mean, me, Sloane, Jaci, Holly, and Claire), standing in the school parking lot, talking and laughing while waiting for our rides when Cash Davis strolls by.
And the second he’s out of earshot, Jaci puts her hand over her heart and goes, “Omigod, have you ever seen a more perfect specimen?”
And then Holly and Claire immediately agree and mumble something about his rock-hard ass and major tight abs. And then Sloane looks at me, who up until now, everyone has pretty much been trying to ignore, and goes, “Well, you guys, Winter actually
talked
to him.”
They all stare at me, their faces bearing a skepticism that’s impossible to miss.
”Seriously.” She nudges me in the arm.
“Tell
them.”
I glance at Sloane, wishing she wouldn’t do this, even though I know she’s only trying to help, and then I look at everyone else and sigh. “It was nothing,” I say, trying to affect what I hope comes off as a jaded, world-weary demeanor. “So not a big deal.”
“Oh, please,” Sloane says, nudging me even harder this time. “Tell them how he picked up your books and stuff.”
She’s smiling, but her eyes are cold and hard, warning me not to say something stupid, begging me not to blow this. And just as I open my mouth so I can resurrect my lie about Cash bumping into me, Jaci, rolls her eyes, stifles a yawn, and goes, “Uh, excuse me; but the last time I saw you anywhere
near
Cash Davis was when you were freaked-out and covered in head-to- toe smoothie. So, whatever. Anyway, my ride’s here. So kiss-kiss, everyone!”
I just stand there, unable to speak, as I watch Jaci, Holly, and Claire trot off toward their “ride,” which is actually just Jaci’s angry-looking mom, hunched behind the wheel of her highly accessorized black Range Rover, yelling into her cell phone.
“What the hell? How come you never mentioned that to me?” Sloane asks, looking pretty angry just as her own mom pulls up in her shiny, new Lexus.
I just look at her, nervously dangling my backpack from two, outstretched fingers, and wondering how I’m going to explain this. Then finally I take a deep breath and say, “Well, I started to, but-” But then I just stop and shrug, suddenly unwilling to finish my own sentence. I mean, I really don’t like the way this is starting to feel. And I really don’t like how, lately, I always have to defend just about everything I say and do around her.
But Sloane just exhales loudly and gives me
But since I can’t exactly say that, much less ignore the ominous look Sloane is giving me, I just break off a miniscule piece of scone, pop it in my mouth, and throw the rest away. Wondering how on earth I can possibly make it to lunch without fainting from hunger.
During the ten-minute break, Sloane shows up with Claire again. And by lunch I can hardly believe it when we’re promoted to Table A. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we’re sitting in the center, or anywhere near the top (which is the absolute most coveted spot because then practically the whole school can see you), but we’re definitely securely perched on the far outermost edge. And even though I don’t really say anything, and even though nobody says anything to me, and even though I don’t really like anyone here (other than Sloane), I gotta admit, it still feels pretty amazing.
After school we’re all (and by all I mean, me, Sloane, Jaci, Holly, and Claire), standing in the school parking lot, talking and laughing while waiting for our rides when Cash Davis strolls by.
And the second he’s out of earshot, Jaci puts her hand over her heart and goes, “Omigod, have you ever seen a more perfect specimen?”
And then Holly and Claire immediately agree and mumble something about his rock-hard ass and major tight abs. And then Sloane looks at me, who up until now, everyone has pretty much been trying to ignore, and goes, “Well, you guys, Winter actually
talked
to him.”
They all stare at me, their faces bearing a skepticism that’s impossible to miss.
”Seriously.” She nudges me in the arm.
“Tell
them.”
I glance at Sloane, wishing she wouldn’t do this, even though I know she’s only trying to help, and then I look at everyone else and sigh. “It was nothing,” I say, trying to affect what I hope comes off as a jaded, world-weary demeanor. “So not a big deal.”
“Oh, please,” Sloane says, nudging me even harder this time. “Tell them how he picked up your books and stuff.”
She’s smiling, but her eyes are cold and hard, warning me not to say something stupid, begging me not to blow this. And just as I open my mouth so I can resurrect my lie about Cash bumping into me, Jaci, rolls her eyes, stifles a yawn, and goes, “Uh, excuse me; but the last time I saw you anywhere
near
Cash Davis was when you were freaked-out and covered in head-to- toe smoothie. So, whatever. Anyway, my ride’s here. So kiss-kiss, everyone!”
I just stand there, unable to speak, as I watch Jaci, Holly, and Claire trot off toward their “ride,” which is actually just Jaci’s angry-looking mom, hunched behind the wheel of her highly accessorized black Range Rover, yelling into her cell phone.
“What the hell? How come you never mentioned that to me?” Sloane asks, looking pretty angry just as her own mom pulls up in her shiny, new Lexus.
I just look at her, nervously dangling my backpack from two, outstretched fingers, and wondering how I’m going to explain this. Then finally I take a deep breath and say, “Well, I started to, but-” But then I just stop and shrug, suddenly unwilling to finish my own sentence. I mean, I really don’t like the way this is starting to feel. And I really don’t like how, lately, I always have to defend just about everything I say and do around her.
But Sloane just exhales loudly and gives me
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