McKay says I’ve taken a HUGE first step.
Just by admitting I have a problem. So maybe,
in a way, your butterfly saved me.”
She bites her lower lip and fidgets in her seat
like she’s trying hard to believe her own words.
But somehow she’s not sure. Then she pulls my
arm into her lap and before I can yank it away,
she swirls her black Sharpie across my wrist.
“Your first butterfly!”
She smiles and says how it’s stronger because she
drew it for me, instead of me drawing it for myself.
Then, she adds a dot to each antenna and tells me
I need to name it. And it’s just like when someone
sets out a birthday cake and says,
“Blow out the candles and make a wish.”
You can’t really help yourself.
The wish just pops into your head,
and before you know it, people are clapping,
and wax is dripping all over the frosting.
That’s how it is with Sean’s name.
It just pops into my head.
Like a wish.
A wish to be a better big sister.
A wish to be a halfway decent role model.
And most of all, a wish not to be
a pathological liar who someday cuts herself
with her little brother’s Cub Scout knife
and traumatizes him so bad that
he ends up locked in a rubber room
just like that poor pencil stabber.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
Thing to Do #826
I don’t know why but even after
Skylar draws the butterfly on me,
I’m still thinking about that plastic
tape dispenser and I decide to start
talking with an English accent.
Just like Dan and Phil.
From YouTube.
“Hello, Love,” I say.
“Have you seen Dan and Phil?
Well, they’re bloody brilliant!
I just saw their shoot on Pancake Day,
and Dan wore his trousers ‘round his arse.”
Skylar joins in with her pinky in the air
like she’s sipping Earl Grey and she says
how she’d fancy another cup.
And Donya says, “Get off your bum,
you lazy wanker, and get the tea yourself.”
Then Jag tells Donya to piss off.
But not in a mean way.
More as a joke.
And we talk about how
Attaboys smells like a loo
and therapy sessions are rubbish
and we can’t wait to get our own flats
so we can faff around all day
and do nothing but watch BBC on the telly.
It’s fun talking like this.
Oh bloody hell.
It’s aces.
And it makes me forget
about the tape dispenser.
Completely.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
Ding Dong Tells Me—No Visitors Today
But that’s okay.
Because Mom’s picking Dad up at the airport,
so he’ll be here for tomorrow’s family meeting.
And I suppose there was only one flight available
from O’Hare to TIA and that was the 6 p.m.
The exact same time as visiting hour.
And I guess there must’ve been no taxicabs,
or airport shuttles, or rental cars, or buses
in the entire state of Florida, so the only option
was for Mom to circle around the terminal
in her Lexus until Dad’s plane touched down.
That’s the reason they’re not here.
It’s not because Mom thinks her car’s gonna
get jacked in this lovely part of town,
or because Avery needs a ride to gymnastics,
or because Dad can’t look at me yet,
It’s just a transportation problem.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
Small Talk
Since we don’t have any visitors,
Ding Dong lets me and Jag watch TV
but I have to sit on the end of the couch
and Jag has to straddle the beanbag chair
and she makes us promise to keep an invisible
hula hoop of space between us at all times.
“I’m watchin’ you, my little bandulus,”
Ding Dong says as she walks out.
But she has nothing to worry about,
because as soon as I’m alone with Jag,
I feel like I’m in one of those space-saving
storage bags with every ounce of air sucked
out and my thoughts
Just by admitting I have a problem. So maybe,
in a way, your butterfly saved me.”
She bites her lower lip and fidgets in her seat
like she’s trying hard to believe her own words.
But somehow she’s not sure. Then she pulls my
arm into her lap and before I can yank it away,
she swirls her black Sharpie across my wrist.
“Your first butterfly!”
She smiles and says how it’s stronger because she
drew it for me, instead of me drawing it for myself.
Then, she adds a dot to each antenna and tells me
I need to name it. And it’s just like when someone
sets out a birthday cake and says,
“Blow out the candles and make a wish.”
You can’t really help yourself.
The wish just pops into your head,
and before you know it, people are clapping,
and wax is dripping all over the frosting.
That’s how it is with Sean’s name.
It just pops into my head.
Like a wish.
A wish to be a better big sister.
A wish to be a halfway decent role model.
And most of all, a wish not to be
a pathological liar who someday cuts herself
with her little brother’s Cub Scout knife
and traumatizes him so bad that
he ends up locked in a rubber room
just like that poor pencil stabber.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
Thing to Do #826
I don’t know why but even after
Skylar draws the butterfly on me,
I’m still thinking about that plastic
tape dispenser and I decide to start
talking with an English accent.
Just like Dan and Phil.
From YouTube.
“Hello, Love,” I say.
“Have you seen Dan and Phil?
Well, they’re bloody brilliant!
I just saw their shoot on Pancake Day,
and Dan wore his trousers ‘round his arse.”
Skylar joins in with her pinky in the air
like she’s sipping Earl Grey and she says
how she’d fancy another cup.
And Donya says, “Get off your bum,
you lazy wanker, and get the tea yourself.”
Then Jag tells Donya to piss off.
But not in a mean way.
More as a joke.
And we talk about how
Attaboys smells like a loo
and therapy sessions are rubbish
and we can’t wait to get our own flats
so we can faff around all day
and do nothing but watch BBC on the telly.
It’s fun talking like this.
Oh bloody hell.
It’s aces.
And it makes me forget
about the tape dispenser.
Completely.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
Ding Dong Tells Me—No Visitors Today
But that’s okay.
Because Mom’s picking Dad up at the airport,
so he’ll be here for tomorrow’s family meeting.
And I suppose there was only one flight available
from O’Hare to TIA and that was the 6 p.m.
The exact same time as visiting hour.
And I guess there must’ve been no taxicabs,
or airport shuttles, or rental cars, or buses
in the entire state of Florida, so the only option
was for Mom to circle around the terminal
in her Lexus until Dad’s plane touched down.
That’s the reason they’re not here.
It’s not because Mom thinks her car’s gonna
get jacked in this lovely part of town,
or because Avery needs a ride to gymnastics,
or because Dad can’t look at me yet,
It’s just a transportation problem.
UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE
HarperCollins Publishers
..................................................................
Small Talk
Since we don’t have any visitors,
Ding Dong lets me and Jag watch TV
but I have to sit on the end of the couch
and Jag has to straddle the beanbag chair
and she makes us promise to keep an invisible
hula hoop of space between us at all times.
“I’m watchin’ you, my little bandulus,”
Ding Dong says as she walks out.
But she has nothing to worry about,
because as soon as I’m alone with Jag,
I feel like I’m in one of those space-saving
storage bags with every ounce of air sucked
out and my thoughts
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