know how.
“She’s not here, Ben. My baby never even got to go to kindergarten. And I’m here, cavorting. What is wrong with me?” The plea in her voice broke Todd’s heart.
“You’re in pain because you lost someone you loved more than anything.” Ben’s face softened as he reached for her. She allowed the contact for a moment but when he thumbed away her tears she sniffled and stepped back.
“I need to be alone. Please, please, just leave me alone. I can’t be with anyone right now.”
“Honey, you need to be with people who love you and understand.” Todd brushed the hair from her face.
“Later. Right now I need to be by myself. I’m asking you to respect that. Please.” She turned and ran.
Todd had never seen her run so fast as he stood paralyzed with his own pain.
“We need to go after her.”
Ben stopped him. “Let her be. She begged us to be left alone and I think we need to respect her. She’ll be all right. She’s upset, but not stupid.”
“What if she
does
something stupid?” Todd’s heart thundered in his chest at the thought.
Ben shook his head and Todd knew he was right. “She has Alexander now. And us. And before us she had Brody and Adrian. There is no way she’d do anything to harm herself. Give her the time and space she asked for.” Ben stepped close and cupped Todd’s face. “Baby, I know. I feel it too. We’ll go after her in a bit. For now, let’s head back to the bure and call Alexander to check in. Brody might have some good advice.”
* * *
Seeing Alexander’s face always made a weight lift off Ben’s shoulders. “Hey monkey, how are you today?”
Alexander’s smile was huge as he got his face close to the phone. “Daddy! Yo! We had pizza with fish on it!”
Todd laughed over Ben’s shoulder. “Anchovies?”
“Yo, Pop! Yes. Fish!” Then he made a face so much like Erin’s that it nearly broke Ben’s heart.
“Did you not like it? Should we get some when we get home?”
He frowned briefly, looking a lot like his uncle Brody. “I like cheese. Gotta go! Ma?”
“She’s not feeling well, pickle. She wanted me and Pop to tell you she loved you. She’ll call tomorrow.”
Alexander frowned. “Ma sick?”
“She is. But we’ll make her feel better. I promise.”
Alexander nodded then, very serious. “Ok. Kiss.” He leaned in and kissed the phone. “Love you.” He handed the phone to Brody and was done, and Ben could address the Erin issue safely out of Alexander’s earshot.
“Brody, before you go, can we talk a moment?”
“Hang on a sec. Elise, can you keep an eye on the kids? I need to take this out on the porch.”
In the background, Ben heard Elise laughing with the kids and the rumble of Adrian’s voice as well. He felt better knowing Alexander was surrounded by love and far away from any sadness.
Moments later he was back. “What’s going on? Is Erin all right?”
Ben poured the story out and Brody sighed at the end. “I was hoping she’d stop blaming herself for it. She’s off alone now?”
“For the time being. It felt like she needed it. She can’t get into any real trouble here anyway.”
“I think that’s a good call. You two know her. You know what she’s like. I’ve watched you take care of her for years. You love her like she needs to be loved. You know what she needs. I wish I weren’t so far away. I expect she’s missing Alexander just now too. We’re barbecuing this afternoon. I’ll send some pictures. She’ll like that.”
Ben realized that was a big part of it. Their baby being so far away. But he didn’t want Alexander to see Erin the way she was just then. And he knew she wouldn’t want it either.
And maybe, just maybe, it was best for her to let it all out. To wallow in the grief and guilt for a while until she could purge it. He needed to process that.
Ben replied to Brody’s comments. “She will, yeah. Us too. Miss that monkey of ours. He’s all right?”
“He’s been great. I
“She’s not here, Ben. My baby never even got to go to kindergarten. And I’m here, cavorting. What is wrong with me?” The plea in her voice broke Todd’s heart.
“You’re in pain because you lost someone you loved more than anything.” Ben’s face softened as he reached for her. She allowed the contact for a moment but when he thumbed away her tears she sniffled and stepped back.
“I need to be alone. Please, please, just leave me alone. I can’t be with anyone right now.”
“Honey, you need to be with people who love you and understand.” Todd brushed the hair from her face.
“Later. Right now I need to be by myself. I’m asking you to respect that. Please.” She turned and ran.
Todd had never seen her run so fast as he stood paralyzed with his own pain.
“We need to go after her.”
Ben stopped him. “Let her be. She begged us to be left alone and I think we need to respect her. She’ll be all right. She’s upset, but not stupid.”
“What if she
does
something stupid?” Todd’s heart thundered in his chest at the thought.
Ben shook his head and Todd knew he was right. “She has Alexander now. And us. And before us she had Brody and Adrian. There is no way she’d do anything to harm herself. Give her the time and space she asked for.” Ben stepped close and cupped Todd’s face. “Baby, I know. I feel it too. We’ll go after her in a bit. For now, let’s head back to the bure and call Alexander to check in. Brody might have some good advice.”
* * *
Seeing Alexander’s face always made a weight lift off Ben’s shoulders. “Hey monkey, how are you today?”
Alexander’s smile was huge as he got his face close to the phone. “Daddy! Yo! We had pizza with fish on it!”
Todd laughed over Ben’s shoulder. “Anchovies?”
“Yo, Pop! Yes. Fish!” Then he made a face so much like Erin’s that it nearly broke Ben’s heart.
“Did you not like it? Should we get some when we get home?”
He frowned briefly, looking a lot like his uncle Brody. “I like cheese. Gotta go! Ma?”
“She’s not feeling well, pickle. She wanted me and Pop to tell you she loved you. She’ll call tomorrow.”
Alexander frowned. “Ma sick?”
“She is. But we’ll make her feel better. I promise.”
Alexander nodded then, very serious. “Ok. Kiss.” He leaned in and kissed the phone. “Love you.” He handed the phone to Brody and was done, and Ben could address the Erin issue safely out of Alexander’s earshot.
“Brody, before you go, can we talk a moment?”
“Hang on a sec. Elise, can you keep an eye on the kids? I need to take this out on the porch.”
In the background, Ben heard Elise laughing with the kids and the rumble of Adrian’s voice as well. He felt better knowing Alexander was surrounded by love and far away from any sadness.
Moments later he was back. “What’s going on? Is Erin all right?”
Ben poured the story out and Brody sighed at the end. “I was hoping she’d stop blaming herself for it. She’s off alone now?”
“For the time being. It felt like she needed it. She can’t get into any real trouble here anyway.”
“I think that’s a good call. You two know her. You know what she’s like. I’ve watched you take care of her for years. You love her like she needs to be loved. You know what she needs. I wish I weren’t so far away. I expect she’s missing Alexander just now too. We’re barbecuing this afternoon. I’ll send some pictures. She’ll like that.”
Ben realized that was a big part of it. Their baby being so far away. But he didn’t want Alexander to see Erin the way she was just then. And he knew she wouldn’t want it either.
And maybe, just maybe, it was best for her to let it all out. To wallow in the grief and guilt for a while until she could purge it. He needed to process that.
Ben replied to Brody’s comments. “She will, yeah. Us too. Miss that monkey of ours. He’s all right?”
“He’s been great. I
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