didn’t cheat on him…”
“The only time I ever
cheated was the night before the wedding, but I don’t think he knows about
that.” She sighed. “I would do it again, though. I wouldn’t trade that one
night with Shay for all the years I spent with Clay.”
“Do you have a picture
of this man?” Mack was curious.
“Oh. Yes.” Erin reached
for her phone. She immediately pulled up her favorite picture of the two of
them. Ironically, it had been taken the night of her bachelorette party. They
had their arms around each other sitting at a tiki bar near the beach. The wind
was blowing and they were looking into each other’s eyes. Although it wasn’t
meant to be a romantic picture, there was no doubt in her mind that they knew
they loved each other.
“Oh, he was a handsome
one.” Mack smiled at the picture, thinking Shay had looked a lot like Drake.
“Yeah.” Erin pulled up
her favorite picture of Shay alone, shirtless, playing basketball in
Afghanistan. Though his normally long, shaggy hair was cut short, there was no
denying the killer body and strong arms.
“Holy tamale,” Mack
yelped. “How did you not eat him alive?”
“He was my C.O. And
that’s a big no-no when you’re deployed.”
“So he’s been dead,
what, two years?”
“A little over.”
“And your ex, his twin,
blames you?” Mack was nothing if not direct.
“He knows that Shay
loved me, but they made a deal that Clay would get the girl, that one time. The
only way Shay wouldn’t go back on his word about letting Clay have me was if he
got himself deployed, as far away from me as possible. He took one tour after
the other, and this last one, he only took because he knew I was the top
security expert in our division, and he knew that whoever headed up that team
would pick me. He asked for it so that he could watch out for me, make sure I
came home alive. Instead, he died, and Clay wishes it had been me. Deep down,
he knows he lost his brother when he made him give me up, and we were all too
young and immature to realize it at the time. Instead of just admitting he made
a mistake, he continued pretending to love me until Shay died, and then he had
someone he could blame.”
“And you? Do you blame
yourself?”
“For Shay’s death? No.
Shay loved the military. He became a Captain in record time; he lived and
breathed the Marines. I think he loved me because I loved it too; we loved
fighting for our country. He wanted to be there with me because he’d always
loved me and he’d finally figured out I loved him too. I think he was going to
make his move at the end of the tour. We’d gotten close again while we were
there—and even a few of the guys in our unit figured it out. His death was one
of many horrible tragedies that came from this damn war on terror, but if it
wasn’t him, it would’ve been me, or one of the other guys. His death is the
only thing I don’t blame myself for. Lots of other shit, but not that.”
“So what are you
waiting for then?”
“What?” Erin blinked.
“Why did you run away from
Drake after you slept with him and tell him you just wanted to be friends? We
both know that’s bullshit. He doesn’t care about your scars, you know.”
“You don’t know that
since he hasn’t seen them. And even if he could live with it, I haven’t come to
terms with it yet. If I don’t like myself, how can anyone else? My friends are
here because they love the person I was before. I promise you, they don’t
understand or completely like this traumatized, emotional wreck I’ve become.”
“Drake does. I mean,
you definitely confuse him, but he was drawn to you the moment he saw you
across the room. It’s been less than a week and he’s already out of his mind
worrying about you. My little brother is smitten, and I want to know what
you’re going to do about it.”
“I’m going to get
better,” Erin said firmly. “I have to be able to look in the mirror every day
and not see a monster. I
“The only time I ever
cheated was the night before the wedding, but I don’t think he knows about
that.” She sighed. “I would do it again, though. I wouldn’t trade that one
night with Shay for all the years I spent with Clay.”
“Do you have a picture
of this man?” Mack was curious.
“Oh. Yes.” Erin reached
for her phone. She immediately pulled up her favorite picture of the two of
them. Ironically, it had been taken the night of her bachelorette party. They
had their arms around each other sitting at a tiki bar near the beach. The wind
was blowing and they were looking into each other’s eyes. Although it wasn’t
meant to be a romantic picture, there was no doubt in her mind that they knew
they loved each other.
“Oh, he was a handsome
one.” Mack smiled at the picture, thinking Shay had looked a lot like Drake.
“Yeah.” Erin pulled up
her favorite picture of Shay alone, shirtless, playing basketball in
Afghanistan. Though his normally long, shaggy hair was cut short, there was no
denying the killer body and strong arms.
“Holy tamale,” Mack
yelped. “How did you not eat him alive?”
“He was my C.O. And
that’s a big no-no when you’re deployed.”
“So he’s been dead,
what, two years?”
“A little over.”
“And your ex, his twin,
blames you?” Mack was nothing if not direct.
“He knows that Shay
loved me, but they made a deal that Clay would get the girl, that one time. The
only way Shay wouldn’t go back on his word about letting Clay have me was if he
got himself deployed, as far away from me as possible. He took one tour after
the other, and this last one, he only took because he knew I was the top
security expert in our division, and he knew that whoever headed up that team
would pick me. He asked for it so that he could watch out for me, make sure I
came home alive. Instead, he died, and Clay wishes it had been me. Deep down,
he knows he lost his brother when he made him give me up, and we were all too
young and immature to realize it at the time. Instead of just admitting he made
a mistake, he continued pretending to love me until Shay died, and then he had
someone he could blame.”
“And you? Do you blame
yourself?”
“For Shay’s death? No.
Shay loved the military. He became a Captain in record time; he lived and
breathed the Marines. I think he loved me because I loved it too; we loved
fighting for our country. He wanted to be there with me because he’d always
loved me and he’d finally figured out I loved him too. I think he was going to
make his move at the end of the tour. We’d gotten close again while we were
there—and even a few of the guys in our unit figured it out. His death was one
of many horrible tragedies that came from this damn war on terror, but if it
wasn’t him, it would’ve been me, or one of the other guys. His death is the
only thing I don’t blame myself for. Lots of other shit, but not that.”
“So what are you
waiting for then?”
“What?” Erin blinked.
“Why did you run away from
Drake after you slept with him and tell him you just wanted to be friends? We
both know that’s bullshit. He doesn’t care about your scars, you know.”
“You don’t know that
since he hasn’t seen them. And even if he could live with it, I haven’t come to
terms with it yet. If I don’t like myself, how can anyone else? My friends are
here because they love the person I was before. I promise you, they don’t
understand or completely like this traumatized, emotional wreck I’ve become.”
“Drake does. I mean,
you definitely confuse him, but he was drawn to you the moment he saw you
across the room. It’s been less than a week and he’s already out of his mind
worrying about you. My little brother is smitten, and I want to know what
you’re going to do about it.”
“I’m going to get
better,” Erin said firmly. “I have to be able to look in the mirror every day
and not see a monster. I
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