Learning to Stand by Claudia Hall Christian Page B

because...”
    “ You carried me in,” she
said. She smiled. “That was fun.”
    “ You’re shivering. When do
you have to...?”
    “ I have a couple hours,” she
said.
    “ Come back to
bed.”
    He led her to the bed and layered down
comforters over her.
    “ I have a cortisone shot in
my bag.”
    Knowing better than to argue, she rolled on
her right side. Before her new hip, this was a twice daily ritual
for Alex. He pulled down her pajamas and stuck a needle full of
steroids and pain medication deep into her hip. She groaned.
    “ In pain?”
    “ Where’d you get the shot?”
she asked.
    “ Habit,” he said. “All
done.”
    He slipped over her to the bed. She rested
her head on his shoulder. Her hand looped through the chain for the
dog tag bearing her name which he wore around his neck.
    “ Did you throw up because
you were anxious?”
    “ Anxious,” she said. “I
haven’t been eating so there’s not much to throw up. It’s
...”
    “ Automatic, yes,” he
finished her statement.
    Warm and relaxed, she snuggled against him.
She was almost asleep when he said:
    “ Is there something you wish
to tell me?”
    She jerked up to look at him.
    “ What do you
mean?”
    “ I thought we weren’t going
to do this anymore,” John said. “We agreed in Scotland to stop
hiding from each other.”
    “ We did.”
    “ Alexandra,” John rolled to
his side to look at her. “You haven’t had any alcohol in three
weeks. Max and Raz are accommodating but not enjoying your need for
decaffeinated coffee. And, I may not know a lot of things, but I
know this body, your body.”
    Slipping his hand under her pajamas, he
cupped her breast. His thumb ran over her nipple.
    “ Your breasts are full and
more sensitive. You’re softening around your face, your hips… in
all womanly places.”
    Alex rolled to her back to avoid looking at
him.
    “ I’ve been waiting for you
to tell me,” John said. “I thought you’d want to tell
me.”
    “ You’re a solution oriented
person. You’ll want to make decisions and I… I needed some
time.”
    “ Why does Raz
know?”
    “ He hacked into the doctor’s
computer. I was… upset after my doctor’s appointment and wouldn’t
tell him.”
    “ Let’s start with how,” John
said.
    “ After we spent the day
cleaning blood, flesh and decay off the floor of the vault in
Paris, Raz went to see his Parisian lady friend.
    “ Clarissa.”
    “ Right. He left me in the
bath.”
    “ I rang while you were in
the bath,” John said. “You spoke with me and Max.”
    “ I remember.”
    “ You seemed all right, just
tired. But something happened?”
    “ I started crying.” Alex
closed her eyes at the memory. “I’ve read about this kind of thing
happening in my Psych texts. A person dissociates feelings during a
crisis. After calming down, the feelings come back.”
    “ Like what happened when you
were held hostage?” John asked.
    “ Different. This was
emotion. No memories. No sensations. Just a flood of sadness. I
collapsed in the middle of our sitting area.”
    “ Why didn’t you call
me?”
    “ I couldn’t. It’s hard to
imagine but I was that upset. Before he left, Raz ordered dinner
for me. When room service arrived, they called the agent that was
handling us. You remember him, don’t you?”
    John nodded.
    “ The agent called a
doctor.”
    “ CIA doctor?”
    “ Yes. The agent waited for
the doctor then went to get Raz. By the time Raz arrived, the
doctor had given me a shot and I was calm, kind of blank. The
doctor told Raz to give me a shot every morning and every night.
Raz stayed with me to make sure I was all right.”
    “ So it’s his
baby?”
    “ Don’t be
stupid.”
    “ Alex, he knows you’re
pregnant. He was there in Paris. You slept together in
Paris.”
    “ We shared a bed. He didn’t
want me to be alone because I’m not any good in the dark alone.
You’re the one who told him, ‘Don’t leave her alone in the dark.’
That’s what you