linens, a bungalow in Malibu, Moët & Chandon, Jennifer Aniston’s cell number on speed dial. All of a sudden I wasn’t just doing readings; I was scrutinizing Nielsen ratings. I stopped listening to Desmond when he told me I was being a media whore. The way I saw it, I was still helping people. Didn’t I deserve a little something in return?
When Senator McCoy’s boy was kidnapped during fall sweeps, I knew I had a once-in-a-lifetime chance to become
the
greatest psychic of all time. After all, what better endorsement for my Gift than a politician who was probably going to be president? I had visions of him creating a Department of Paranormal Affairs, with me at the head; of the cute little town house I’d buy in Georgetown. I just had to convince him—a man who lived every moment in the public eye—that he could gain something from me, too, other than the ridicule of his constituents.
He had already used every connection at his disposal to mount a nationwide search for his son, but nothing had turned up. I knew that the odds of the senator coming onto my TV show and letting me do a live reading were slim at best. So I used the weapons in my
own
arsenal:I contacted the wife of the Maine governor, whose daughter was now in remission. Whatever she said to Senator McCoy’s wife worked, because his people called my people; and the rest, as they say, is history.
When I was little, and I couldn’t trust myself to tell the difference between a spirit and a living being, I just assumed that anyone and everyone had something to say to me. When I was famous, I knew very well how to tell the difference between the two worlds, but I was too distracted to listen.
I should not have gotten so cocky. I should not have assumed that my spirit guides would come whenever I called. That day on the show, when I told the McCoys that I had a vision of their little boy alive and well, I lied.
I didn’t have a vision of their boy. The only thing I was seeing was another Emmy.
I was used to Lucinda and Desmond covering my ass, and so when the McCoys sat across from me as the cameras rolled, I waited for them to tell me something about the kidnapping. Lucinda was the one who pushed Ocala into my head. Desmond, though, told her to keep her mouth shut, and after that, they said nothing. So I improvised, and told the McCoys what they—and America—wanted to hear.
And we all know how that turned out.
In the aftermath, I secluded myself. I did not turn on the TV or radio, where my critics were having a field day. I did not want to talk to my producers or to Cleo. I was humiliated, and worse, I had hurt a couple that was already devastated. I had given them the possibility of hope, and ripped it away.
I blamed Desmond. And when he finally showed his sorry spirit ass to me again, I told him to take Lucinda and go away, because I never wanted to speak to them again.
Be careful what you wish for.
Eventually, some other scandal took the place of the one I had created, and I went back to my TV show. But my spirit guides haddone exactly what I’d asked, and I found myself on my own. I made psychic predictions, but they were overwhelmingly wrong. I lost confidence, and eventually I lost everything.
Aside from being a diner waitress, though, I was completely unqualified to do anything but be a psychic. And so I found myself in the position of those I’d once sneered at. I became a swamp witch, setting up tables at country fairs and posting flyers on local bulletin boards, hoping to attract the occasional desperate client.
It’s been over a decade since I had a true, electrifying psychic thought, but I’ve still been able to scrape by, thanks to people like Mrs. Langham, who comes every week to try to connect with her dead husband, Bert. The reason she keeps returning is that, it turns out, I have a skill for faking readings just as much as I once had a skill for legitimately performing them. It’s called cold reading, and it’s all
When Senator McCoy’s boy was kidnapped during fall sweeps, I knew I had a once-in-a-lifetime chance to become
the
greatest psychic of all time. After all, what better endorsement for my Gift than a politician who was probably going to be president? I had visions of him creating a Department of Paranormal Affairs, with me at the head; of the cute little town house I’d buy in Georgetown. I just had to convince him—a man who lived every moment in the public eye—that he could gain something from me, too, other than the ridicule of his constituents.
He had already used every connection at his disposal to mount a nationwide search for his son, but nothing had turned up. I knew that the odds of the senator coming onto my TV show and letting me do a live reading were slim at best. So I used the weapons in my
own
arsenal:I contacted the wife of the Maine governor, whose daughter was now in remission. Whatever she said to Senator McCoy’s wife worked, because his people called my people; and the rest, as they say, is history.
When I was little, and I couldn’t trust myself to tell the difference between a spirit and a living being, I just assumed that anyone and everyone had something to say to me. When I was famous, I knew very well how to tell the difference between the two worlds, but I was too distracted to listen.
I should not have gotten so cocky. I should not have assumed that my spirit guides would come whenever I called. That day on the show, when I told the McCoys that I had a vision of their little boy alive and well, I lied.
I didn’t have a vision of their boy. The only thing I was seeing was another Emmy.
I was used to Lucinda and Desmond covering my ass, and so when the McCoys sat across from me as the cameras rolled, I waited for them to tell me something about the kidnapping. Lucinda was the one who pushed Ocala into my head. Desmond, though, told her to keep her mouth shut, and after that, they said nothing. So I improvised, and told the McCoys what they—and America—wanted to hear.
And we all know how that turned out.
In the aftermath, I secluded myself. I did not turn on the TV or radio, where my critics were having a field day. I did not want to talk to my producers or to Cleo. I was humiliated, and worse, I had hurt a couple that was already devastated. I had given them the possibility of hope, and ripped it away.
I blamed Desmond. And when he finally showed his sorry spirit ass to me again, I told him to take Lucinda and go away, because I never wanted to speak to them again.
Be careful what you wish for.
Eventually, some other scandal took the place of the one I had created, and I went back to my TV show. But my spirit guides haddone exactly what I’d asked, and I found myself on my own. I made psychic predictions, but they were overwhelmingly wrong. I lost confidence, and eventually I lost everything.
Aside from being a diner waitress, though, I was completely unqualified to do anything but be a psychic. And so I found myself in the position of those I’d once sneered at. I became a swamp witch, setting up tables at country fairs and posting flyers on local bulletin boards, hoping to attract the occasional desperate client.
It’s been over a decade since I had a true, electrifying psychic thought, but I’ve still been able to scrape by, thanks to people like Mrs. Langham, who comes every week to try to connect with her dead husband, Bert. The reason she keeps returning is that, it turns out, I have a skill for faking readings just as much as I once had a skill for legitimately performing them. It’s called cold reading, and it’s all
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