a gardener called Norman!’ says Tom. ‘That was in the old house. When we moved to Oxshott my mother had to let him go.’
Jeff raises an eyebrow at me. ‘Shall we head to the kitchens then? I’m sure you can’t wait to see the product,’ he says, with a trace of sarcasm.
‘Oh no!’ says Tom. ‘I really wanted to show Susie my slides that set up our brand rationale positioning.’
‘Uh-oh, Thomas. Is this another one of your Death by PowerPoints?’ says Jeff. His tone is light, but Tom bristles nonetheless.
‘This is a mega-strategic, super-high-profile, game-changing project. A lot of rigour’s gone into the thinking.’
‘Mega-strategic
and
game-changing? That sounds very important indeed,’ says Jeff. ‘I thought we were just trying to flog some pizzas?’
‘You don’t have to see the presentation, Jeff. I can take her through the slides and we’ll meet you in the kitchen after?’ says Tom.
Jeff looks me straight in the eye. It is a look filled with conspiratorial naughtiness.
You and I are the same. We are not like Tom. Let’s have some fun.
‘I’ll come with you,’ says Jeff. ‘I might learn how to be mega-strategic and game-changing. But will it be quick? I’ve got another meeting at 10 a.m.’
‘That’ll be fine,’ says Tom.
‘Can you do me one favour though, Tom?’ says Jeff.
‘What do you want?’ says Tom warily.
‘Can we do your presentation over coffee in the canteen? The fluorescent lighting in those meeting rooms makes me lose the will to live.’
Tom weighs this up as if it’s a trap. He takes a breath, then nods. ‘OK. I’ll go and fetch my laptop and meet you guys up there. Grab me a soy chai, would you Jeff?’
‘Will do,’ says Jeff. ‘Take your time.’
We walk through the building to the central lifts. Somehow it feels like we could be on a date, walking in the park rather than in a concrete office block with giant photos of grey, veiny prawns bearing down on us. There’s a crackle of something between us that feels almost visible. I know it’s ridiculous, we only met a few minutes ago, but he is most definitely flirting with me. And not just normal flirting. Mega-strategic, game-changing flirting. Flirting in a way that is totally caveman and presumptive: I, Man, flirt with you. I fancy you. You, Woman, flirt back. You fancy me. Let’s go to the toilets, take our security passes off, and take it from there.
Of course this is probably all in my mind and yet …
‘I like your earrings,’ he says. My hand immediately moves to my ear, and I find myself twirling with my hair.
‘I’ve forgotten which ones I put on,’ I say. ‘Are they the amber ones?’
‘They’re a sort of moonstone,’ he says. ‘They make your eyes look more blue than grey. You’ve got those sort of eyes that change depending on what you’re wearing, don’t you?’
I am definitely not imagining this.
‘So is it Susie with an
ie
or with a
zy
?’ he says, as we get in the lift.
Lift, for once, could you please get stuck, please? I’ve been trapped in these buggers at least once a year for six years, and never, ever with anyone remotely attractive.
‘Susie with an
ie
,’ I say.
‘I once went out with a Suziii who spelt her name with three Is. She used to put little flowers instead of dots on them. It was never going to work out,’ he says.
Aha! Proof that he’s straight too. Excellent. ‘So is it Jeff with a J or a G?’ I say.
‘J, like Jeff Bridges, though obviously he’s got a bit more hair than me. Have you seen
The Big Lebowski
?’
‘Like ten times,’ I say. ‘I think The Dude is based on this guy Sam who I work with …’
Jeff laughs a low, deep chuckle. ‘And there’s me thinking The Dude was based on me.’ he says. ‘Did you see that film the Coen brothers did a few years back, the Western?’
‘
No Country For Old Men
?’ I actually thought it was a touch over-rated but it looks like Jeff loves it, so I don’t want to say I
Jeff raises an eyebrow at me. ‘Shall we head to the kitchens then? I’m sure you can’t wait to see the product,’ he says, with a trace of sarcasm.
‘Oh no!’ says Tom. ‘I really wanted to show Susie my slides that set up our brand rationale positioning.’
‘Uh-oh, Thomas. Is this another one of your Death by PowerPoints?’ says Jeff. His tone is light, but Tom bristles nonetheless.
‘This is a mega-strategic, super-high-profile, game-changing project. A lot of rigour’s gone into the thinking.’
‘Mega-strategic
and
game-changing? That sounds very important indeed,’ says Jeff. ‘I thought we were just trying to flog some pizzas?’
‘You don’t have to see the presentation, Jeff. I can take her through the slides and we’ll meet you in the kitchen after?’ says Tom.
Jeff looks me straight in the eye. It is a look filled with conspiratorial naughtiness.
You and I are the same. We are not like Tom. Let’s have some fun.
‘I’ll come with you,’ says Jeff. ‘I might learn how to be mega-strategic and game-changing. But will it be quick? I’ve got another meeting at 10 a.m.’
‘That’ll be fine,’ says Tom.
‘Can you do me one favour though, Tom?’ says Jeff.
‘What do you want?’ says Tom warily.
‘Can we do your presentation over coffee in the canteen? The fluorescent lighting in those meeting rooms makes me lose the will to live.’
Tom weighs this up as if it’s a trap. He takes a breath, then nods. ‘OK. I’ll go and fetch my laptop and meet you guys up there. Grab me a soy chai, would you Jeff?’
‘Will do,’ says Jeff. ‘Take your time.’
We walk through the building to the central lifts. Somehow it feels like we could be on a date, walking in the park rather than in a concrete office block with giant photos of grey, veiny prawns bearing down on us. There’s a crackle of something between us that feels almost visible. I know it’s ridiculous, we only met a few minutes ago, but he is most definitely flirting with me. And not just normal flirting. Mega-strategic, game-changing flirting. Flirting in a way that is totally caveman and presumptive: I, Man, flirt with you. I fancy you. You, Woman, flirt back. You fancy me. Let’s go to the toilets, take our security passes off, and take it from there.
Of course this is probably all in my mind and yet …
‘I like your earrings,’ he says. My hand immediately moves to my ear, and I find myself twirling with my hair.
‘I’ve forgotten which ones I put on,’ I say. ‘Are they the amber ones?’
‘They’re a sort of moonstone,’ he says. ‘They make your eyes look more blue than grey. You’ve got those sort of eyes that change depending on what you’re wearing, don’t you?’
I am definitely not imagining this.
‘So is it Susie with an
ie
or with a
zy
?’ he says, as we get in the lift.
Lift, for once, could you please get stuck, please? I’ve been trapped in these buggers at least once a year for six years, and never, ever with anyone remotely attractive.
‘Susie with an
ie
,’ I say.
‘I once went out with a Suziii who spelt her name with three Is. She used to put little flowers instead of dots on them. It was never going to work out,’ he says.
Aha! Proof that he’s straight too. Excellent. ‘So is it Jeff with a J or a G?’ I say.
‘J, like Jeff Bridges, though obviously he’s got a bit more hair than me. Have you seen
The Big Lebowski
?’
‘Like ten times,’ I say. ‘I think The Dude is based on this guy Sam who I work with …’
Jeff laughs a low, deep chuckle. ‘And there’s me thinking The Dude was based on me.’ he says. ‘Did you see that film the Coen brothers did a few years back, the Western?’
‘
No Country For Old Men
?’ I actually thought it was a touch over-rated but it looks like Jeff loves it, so I don’t want to say I
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