notorious for buying college girls cars and
nice things, but as I found out, it often came with a price. I was
not trying to get involved with him, or fall into one of his traps.
My tone softened, “You have got to take this car back, you
shouldn’t have –”
“ Hope, there’s a lot of shit a nigga should not have done!” he
interrupted, taking a step back from me. This was our standoff,
but this was his world, I was just a visitor trying to get out.
“ I don’t know how I will ever be able to pay you back,” I said
with more innocence than I had intended. He took a look at my
body and smiled brightly.
“ You already did, last night, a brotha be loving that wild shit!”
That was not what I wanted to hear. Then he tried to take my
hand but I pulled away. His handsome face scowled into a look of
confession. “Um … about last night. I did not mean for it to go
that far.” He grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me up close
to him. I did not know if he was going to kiss me or hit me. His
breath was hot on my face, as hot as last night’s passion. I was
powerless to move. A couple stared as they passed by. In the dis-
tance I heard a fire truck. This closeness and energy from this man
seized me completely. If he told me to go back inside the hotel and
41
L i f e
take off all my clothes again so that he could make love to me, I
probably would have. Some men possess over whelming energy
that is just that power ful over women. Life Thugstin was one of
those men.
“ Hope, you cannot tell me that you didn’t enjoy last night as
much as I did.” His words seeped inside of me, nuzzling in a place
that I wanted to keep him forbidden. I attempted to speak but the
words just froze in my throat. I tried to look away, but his eyes
would not let me. They pleaded for an answer, an answer that he
and I knew the truth to. He squeezed my arm until it hurt. “I …
I … I’m engaged to someone.” My words came out on his face and
washed down on him. For a fleeting second, I swear I saw anger
in his eyes. I thought for sure he was going to knock my ass down.
He released me like I just told him I’d tested positive for some vir-
ulent plague. He reached into his pocket and handed me the keys
to the car. They were on the same key ring that my old keys were.
I walked around to the driver’s side, wishing there was something
I could say, something to comfort him. I felt like shit. As soon as
I got in the car I noticed the bags of clothes he bought me from
Macy’s. I saw an expensive Dooney and Burke purse, it was gor-
geous.
For the next half hour or so neither of us spoke, but I could
read his thoughts. He wanted me, and it shamed him. He gam-
bled on me and lost. I needed to speak my mind, for the longer
we remained silent, the more pent up frustration I felt with each
passing mile. Hell, no one told him to spend his damn money on
me! I turned to him, “What I did last night was so wrong and I’m
sorry. Things just got out of hand,” I said as I drove. I was so full
of anger that I saw veins in my hands as they clinched the steering
wheel. “I made a bad judgment … no, horrible judgment …
twice. I’m 21 years old.” He shot me a look that said what’s that
got to do with it. I continued, “I was not tr ying to take advantage
of you. I promise I’ll pay you back. How about fifty dollars a week
until I get this car paid off. Can we just be friends?”
“ Yo, check this out Shouty, all of my friends chase cats, eat shit
42
L i f e
and bark at the moon,” he said so coldly that I had to turn and
look in his direction. This was a side of him I had never seen
before. I watched as he casually took a cassette tape out of one of
the shopping bags and placed it into the deck. Jodeci crooned,
begging a woman to stay for a little while. The music was very
nice, melodic. I swayed into the rhythm of my emotions like Life
was using that song to talk to
nice things, but as I found out, it often came with a price. I was
not trying to get involved with him, or fall into one of his traps.
My tone softened, “You have got to take this car back, you
shouldn’t have –”
“ Hope, there’s a lot of shit a nigga should not have done!” he
interrupted, taking a step back from me. This was our standoff,
but this was his world, I was just a visitor trying to get out.
“ I don’t know how I will ever be able to pay you back,” I said
with more innocence than I had intended. He took a look at my
body and smiled brightly.
“ You already did, last night, a brotha be loving that wild shit!”
That was not what I wanted to hear. Then he tried to take my
hand but I pulled away. His handsome face scowled into a look of
confession. “Um … about last night. I did not mean for it to go
that far.” He grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled me up close
to him. I did not know if he was going to kiss me or hit me. His
breath was hot on my face, as hot as last night’s passion. I was
powerless to move. A couple stared as they passed by. In the dis-
tance I heard a fire truck. This closeness and energy from this man
seized me completely. If he told me to go back inside the hotel and
41
L i f e
take off all my clothes again so that he could make love to me, I
probably would have. Some men possess over whelming energy
that is just that power ful over women. Life Thugstin was one of
those men.
“ Hope, you cannot tell me that you didn’t enjoy last night as
much as I did.” His words seeped inside of me, nuzzling in a place
that I wanted to keep him forbidden. I attempted to speak but the
words just froze in my throat. I tried to look away, but his eyes
would not let me. They pleaded for an answer, an answer that he
and I knew the truth to. He squeezed my arm until it hurt. “I …
I … I’m engaged to someone.” My words came out on his face and
washed down on him. For a fleeting second, I swear I saw anger
in his eyes. I thought for sure he was going to knock my ass down.
He released me like I just told him I’d tested positive for some vir-
ulent plague. He reached into his pocket and handed me the keys
to the car. They were on the same key ring that my old keys were.
I walked around to the driver’s side, wishing there was something
I could say, something to comfort him. I felt like shit. As soon as
I got in the car I noticed the bags of clothes he bought me from
Macy’s. I saw an expensive Dooney and Burke purse, it was gor-
geous.
For the next half hour or so neither of us spoke, but I could
read his thoughts. He wanted me, and it shamed him. He gam-
bled on me and lost. I needed to speak my mind, for the longer
we remained silent, the more pent up frustration I felt with each
passing mile. Hell, no one told him to spend his damn money on
me! I turned to him, “What I did last night was so wrong and I’m
sorry. Things just got out of hand,” I said as I drove. I was so full
of anger that I saw veins in my hands as they clinched the steering
wheel. “I made a bad judgment … no, horrible judgment …
twice. I’m 21 years old.” He shot me a look that said what’s that
got to do with it. I continued, “I was not tr ying to take advantage
of you. I promise I’ll pay you back. How about fifty dollars a week
until I get this car paid off. Can we just be friends?”
“ Yo, check this out Shouty, all of my friends chase cats, eat shit
42
L i f e
and bark at the moon,” he said so coldly that I had to turn and
look in his direction. This was a side of him I had never seen
before. I watched as he casually took a cassette tape out of one of
the shopping bags and placed it into the deck. Jodeci crooned,
begging a woman to stay for a little while. The music was very
nice, melodic. I swayed into the rhythm of my emotions like Life
was using that song to talk to
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