Lightning Rods by Helen DeWitt Page B

days as a driven results-orientated individual often does, that sexual aggression will find an outlet in the office.”
    “Well.”
    “You invest in training. A man is bringing in $100 million of business. You leave him open to the danger of momentarily forgetting himself with a little $25,000-a-year secretary?”
    “Well . . .”
    “A properly run organization protects its employees.”
    “Sure, but . . .”
    “I have strong views on sexual harassment. I believe that those in a place of work who do not welcome sexual advances should not be subjected to them. I also believe that a man who is producing results in today’s competitive market place has a right to be protected from potential undesirable side effects of the physical constitution which enables him to make a valued contribution to the company.”
    At this stage he might be asked, “Are you suggesting we hire prostitutes?!” Or “Surely you are not suggesting…!”
    “Certainly not,” he would protest, “prostitution is degrading to all concerned, an atmosphere of mutual respect is indispensable in the modern office.”
    “I don’t understand,” he would be told.
    The concept was so revolutionary at the time that prostitution was the only thing people could think of. That was how original he was. He had to explain the whole thing from the word Go.
    He would explain the concept of the lightning rod in the face of skepticism.
    He would explain the importance of confidentiality.
    He would say: “The last thing we want to do is ghettoize a certain class of women. What we are doing is introducing highly qualified professionals to the workplace. These are women who on their credentials could walk straight into an opening of a more conventional nature, women with goals to pursue who are willing to make a real contribution to the company.”
    He would say: “The average man things of sex every five seconds.”
    “The average employee,” Joe would add, “spends two minutes in the course of a year reading the sexual harassment policy. If that. This is not, in my opinion, the level of protection which is appropriate to a high-testosterone performance-orientated individual.”
    He would sometimes add that access to the lightning rods could be restricted to high performers, acting as an incentive to less driven individuals.
    He would sometimes cite, if the occasion seemed to warrant it, a study on the orangutang or the baboon. Primates in captivity, he would explain, form hierarchical societies in which place is established by humiliation and aggressive sexual behavior. Humans are primates. The office is a form of captivity. Every precaution must be taken to avoid stigmatizing persons providing this valuable service. Those using them must never see their faces. They must be indistinguishable from their colleagues.
    He generally just made up whatever research he wanted on the baboon, since actual studies of the baboon might not support the point he wanted to make.
    Similarly with statistics, a good salesman has a feel for the statistics that will carry weight in a particular context, and will tend to go with his feeling rather than with what scientists have come up with in some totally unrelated context.
    One man said he was not exactly disputing the points made but he did not think he could reward his top earners with titless sex.
    Another said: “What if the man wanted to be naked from the waist down and whipped?”
    “Why would anyone want that?” asked Joe.
    Thinking What a weirdo.
    The guy said: “Well, some guys like that.”
    Joe thought: What if it turned out most high-performing individuals liked to be whipped on the bare butt? That would be something to see.
    One guy said he would give it a try.

ANONYMITY GUARANTEED
    Now it was Joe’s belief that in the long run a company that wanted to include lightning rods in its team for the twenty-first century had only one option: to outsource all personnel recruitment. Otherwise how are you going to