Literary Lapses by Stephen Leacock Page A

letter?”
    â€œDemonio.”
    â€œWell, now, Demonio must be a clam! What did be bring it for?”
    â€œOh, but he don’t know what’s in it, that’s just the slick part of it,” and Sinclair began to snigger to himself at the thought of it. “You see, this Carlo Carlotti the Condottiere…”
    â€œStop right there,” I said. “What’s a Condottiere?”
    â€œIt’s a sort of brigand. He, you understand, was in league with this Fra Fraliccolo…”
    A suspicion flashed across my mind. “Look here,” I said firmly, “if the scene of this story is laid in the Highlands, I refuse to listen to it. Call it off.”
    â€œNo, no,” Sinclair answered quickly, “that’s all right. It’s laid in Italy…time of Pius the something. He comes in–say, but he’s great! so darned crafty. It’s him, you know, that persuades this Franciscan…”
    â€œPause,” I said, “what Franciscan?”
    â€œFra Fraliccolo, of course,” Sinclair said snappishly. “You see, Pio tries to…”
    â€œWhoa!” I said, “who is Pio?”
    â€œOh, hang it all, Pio is Italian, it’s short for Pius. He tries to get Fra Fraliccolo and Carlo Carlotti the Condottiere to steal the document from…let me see, what was he called? Oh,yes…from the Dog of Venice, so that…or…no, hang it, you put me out, that’s all wrong. It’s the other way round. Pio wasn’t clever at all; he’s a regular darned fool. It’s the Dog that’s crafty. By Jove, he’s fine,” Sinclair went on, warming up to enthusiasm again, “he just does anything he wants. He makes this Demonio (Demonio is one of those hirelings, you know, he’s the tool of the Dog)…makes him steal the document off Porphirio, and…”
    â€œBut how does he get him to do that?” I asked.
    â€œOh, the Dog has Demonio pretty well under his thumb, so he makes Demonio scheme round till he gets old Pio–er–gets him under his thumb, and then, of course, Pio thinks that Porphirio–I mean he thinks that he has Porphirio–er–has him under his thumb.”
    â€œHalf a minute, Sinclair,” I said, “who did you say was under the Dog’s thumb?”
    â€œDemonio.”
    â€œThanks. I was mixed in the thumbs. Go on.”
    â€œWell, just when things are like this…”
    â€œLike what?”
    â€œLike I said.”
    â€œAll right.”
    â€œWho should turn up and thwart the whole scheme, but this Signorina Tarara in her domino…”
    â€œHully Gee! “I said, “you make my head ache. What the deuce does she come in her domino for?”
    â€œWhy, to thwart it.”
    â€œTo thwart what?”
    â€œThwart the whole darned thing,” Sinclair exclaimed emphatically.
    â€œBut can’t she thwart it without her domino?”
    â€œI should think not! You see, if it hadn’t been for thedomino, the Dog would have spotted her quick as a wink. Only when he sees her in the domino with this rose in her hair, he thinks she must be Lucia dell’ Esterolla.”
    â€œSay, he fools himself, doesn’t he? Who’s this last girl?”
    â€œLucia? Oh, she’s great!” Sinclair said. “She’s one of those Southern natures, you know, full of–er–full of…”
    â€œFull of fun,” I suggested.
    â€œOh, hang it all, don’t make fun of it! Well, anyhow, she’s sister, you understand, to the Contessa Carantarata, and that’s why Fra Fraliccolo, or…hold on, that’s not it, no, no, she’s not sister to anybody. She’s cousin, that’s it; or, anyway, she thinks she is cousin to Fra Fraliccolo himself, and that’s why Pio tries to stab Fra Fraliccolo.”
    â€œOh, yes,” I assented, “naturally he would.”
    â€œAh,” Sinclair said