thoughts focused on the one thing that brought me real happiness - Sophie .
I went to school on Friday with twenty bucks in my pocket with the sole intent of getting Aiden to sell me some of the morphine pills I’d seen in his middle drawer. I’d even called him and told him that I had the money. Morphine was so much better than Vicodin. I knew that taking one before school would leave me pretty mellow and numb until lunch, or maybe a little longer, if I was lucky.
The pot just wasn’t working to kill the voice in my head that told me to be quiet and not to wake my mother.
As soon as Jace parked in his usual spot, his hand moved from the gear shift to my leg. Then he removed his seatbelt as he leaned in close. I turned my head away and sighed.
“Fucking still?”
I shrugged and gave him a smile. I’d told him that I was on my period yesterday morning. It was a complete and utter lie since thanks to the “miracle shot,” I hadn’t had an actual period in years. But it was easier than explaining that since I’d kissed Elliott, I was having all these feelings that told me banging Jason would be wrong.
Even though I wasn’t Elliott’s girlfriend, I knew I’d feel guilty about that shit. Not to mention that since Ian, my head was filled with all sorts of devastating memories that just about crippled me.
It was my feelings for the beautiful, rusty-haired boy that were messed up.
I was horny as hell and there was someone currently sitting to my left who could give me satisfaction, but my stupid need to do right by someone who was not my boyfriend stopped me.
I didn’t know what the hell I was hoping to get out of any of it. There wasn’t anyone in the world worth all this. I knew where this was headed. I could see the flood of heartache and pain, and yet I couldn’t stop my stumbling feet from taking me down the Elliott path.
Aiden sold me the pills without drama, and I was thankful, but I wondered if he’d continue to tell everyone we’d had sex, when we didn’t. Not that I wasn’t used to being seen that way, but I’d prefer it to be over something I’d actually done. He was obviously a douche, but everyone around here had known him longer, so I wasn’t going to be able to change what they thought. I just hoped he’d keep his mouth shut and not continue to use non-existent sex as a cover-up for the drugs he sold me.
Once the pill was digested and the opium was coursing through me, I felt pretty damn decent. Morphine was like floating on a cloud while blanketed in bubble-wrap in the middle of a calm and peaceful sea.
The day sped by thanks to the floating and the sleeping I did during class. I was awake and fully functioning by the time Study Hall came around, so I’d downed another pill with my water and stealthily nibbled on my Pop-Tart. We weren’t supposed to eat or drink in the library and I wasn’t hungry, but my insulin was injected already. The sweet pastry was already planned for and counted toward my carbs. I drifted outside and smoked out with Jason. Then, a soft smile plastered on my face, I glided on into the Horticulture greenhouse with just moments to spare before the bell rang.
I meant to say hello to Elliott but it came out sounding more like a lustful, “Mmmmm, Elliott.” And lustful over him I was. I spent most of the hour ignoring the fact that there was a lecture occurring, and instead of listening to Mr. Reese, blatantly stared at the boy next to me who caused such deep and conflicting emotions.
He was perfect and sexy, and he had no clue that if he’d just fake a little confidence, he’d have most of these bitches hanging off his junk. Not that I wanted any of them on his junk. In fact, I probably would have fought a bitch over his junk.
Elliott remained blissfully unaware.
I didn’t think he had any idea that his sexy-but-not-too-pouty lips were making me clamp my legs together. He was clueless as to what those gorgeous hazel eyes and extremely long eyelashes
I went to school on Friday with twenty bucks in my pocket with the sole intent of getting Aiden to sell me some of the morphine pills I’d seen in his middle drawer. I’d even called him and told him that I had the money. Morphine was so much better than Vicodin. I knew that taking one before school would leave me pretty mellow and numb until lunch, or maybe a little longer, if I was lucky.
The pot just wasn’t working to kill the voice in my head that told me to be quiet and not to wake my mother.
As soon as Jace parked in his usual spot, his hand moved from the gear shift to my leg. Then he removed his seatbelt as he leaned in close. I turned my head away and sighed.
“Fucking still?”
I shrugged and gave him a smile. I’d told him that I was on my period yesterday morning. It was a complete and utter lie since thanks to the “miracle shot,” I hadn’t had an actual period in years. But it was easier than explaining that since I’d kissed Elliott, I was having all these feelings that told me banging Jason would be wrong.
Even though I wasn’t Elliott’s girlfriend, I knew I’d feel guilty about that shit. Not to mention that since Ian, my head was filled with all sorts of devastating memories that just about crippled me.
It was my feelings for the beautiful, rusty-haired boy that were messed up.
I was horny as hell and there was someone currently sitting to my left who could give me satisfaction, but my stupid need to do right by someone who was not my boyfriend stopped me.
I didn’t know what the hell I was hoping to get out of any of it. There wasn’t anyone in the world worth all this. I knew where this was headed. I could see the flood of heartache and pain, and yet I couldn’t stop my stumbling feet from taking me down the Elliott path.
Aiden sold me the pills without drama, and I was thankful, but I wondered if he’d continue to tell everyone we’d had sex, when we didn’t. Not that I wasn’t used to being seen that way, but I’d prefer it to be over something I’d actually done. He was obviously a douche, but everyone around here had known him longer, so I wasn’t going to be able to change what they thought. I just hoped he’d keep his mouth shut and not continue to use non-existent sex as a cover-up for the drugs he sold me.
Once the pill was digested and the opium was coursing through me, I felt pretty damn decent. Morphine was like floating on a cloud while blanketed in bubble-wrap in the middle of a calm and peaceful sea.
The day sped by thanks to the floating and the sleeping I did during class. I was awake and fully functioning by the time Study Hall came around, so I’d downed another pill with my water and stealthily nibbled on my Pop-Tart. We weren’t supposed to eat or drink in the library and I wasn’t hungry, but my insulin was injected already. The sweet pastry was already planned for and counted toward my carbs. I drifted outside and smoked out with Jason. Then, a soft smile plastered on my face, I glided on into the Horticulture greenhouse with just moments to spare before the bell rang.
I meant to say hello to Elliott but it came out sounding more like a lustful, “Mmmmm, Elliott.” And lustful over him I was. I spent most of the hour ignoring the fact that there was a lecture occurring, and instead of listening to Mr. Reese, blatantly stared at the boy next to me who caused such deep and conflicting emotions.
He was perfect and sexy, and he had no clue that if he’d just fake a little confidence, he’d have most of these bitches hanging off his junk. Not that I wanted any of them on his junk. In fact, I probably would have fought a bitch over his junk.
Elliott remained blissfully unaware.
I didn’t think he had any idea that his sexy-but-not-too-pouty lips were making me clamp my legs together. He was clueless as to what those gorgeous hazel eyes and extremely long eyelashes
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