Living With No Regrets by Jayton Young Page A

minute trying to help him breathe better, be able to eat, and to help him get sleep.  It had taken thirty something hours of steamy bathrooms and boiling water to create a steamy environment and no sleep for her except for in increments of a few minutes at a time as Randy would sleep.  By the time Randy was over the worst of it, she was fine again.
    “Yes, they got it all.” she said in answer to his question.  “I was diagnosed while I was pregnant with Randy, so I had to wait until he was born to get treatment, but obviously it was worth the wait.”
    “You went into remission?”
    “Yes.” 
    Russ didn’t notice the slight hesitation in her answer, but he did notice as she tilted her head and looked at him warily.  He had to tighten his hold on his cocoa to keep from reaching over to just run his fingers over her cheek as he used to.  God, she was so beautiful, he thought.  So lost in looking at her, he didn’t quite catch what she said.  He cleared his throat and asked her to repeat what she’d said.
    “You were so angry when you got here this afternoon.  What has changed that?”
    He thought about it for a minute and then shook his head.  “I don’t really know.” he answered slowly.  “I had been trying to find ulterior motives for you coming back, and then for you just now letting me know about Randy, but I couldn’t come up with anything that made since.  And then I manned up, at least to myself, and owned up to that fact that I am to blame in missing these years too.  If I had opened just one letter that you’d sent, then I would have known.  For the first time since it all happened, I’m not angry.”
    Leigh nodded and smiled a sad smile.  Russ knew that he was the reason, at least one of the reasons, behind that sadness.  “Something I’ve learned is that life is too short to waste time on regrets.  Everyone has done something in their past that they would change if they could.  But the best way to live is to concentrate on making today the best day you can so when you look back tomorrow, there will be no regrets.  You know the saying…something like: the past is gone, the future is not guaranteed, so live your life to the fullest today?  I don’t know…I think it is something like that.  The more I prayed the more that saying popped in my head, so I took it as my message from God as to how to live a good life.  That’s all I can do and that’s the most valuable thing I can give Randy and Mama and Mark.”
    “You really didn’t change, did you?”  He gave her a genuine smile.  Stuff like that – what she’d just said – was the reason he had fallen in love with her so long ago.  His smile slipped as the original question he’d wanted to ask popped back into his mind.  “What happened back then?” he whispered; afraid of the answer.
    Leigh stood up and grabbed both empty mugs and walked to the sink to wash them.  Russ could see the stiff tension in her body that wasn’t there the moment before.
    “Let’s just leave the past in the past.” She said, still facing away from him.  “As I said before, we can’t change it so I don’t want to dwell on it.”  Leigh turned back and motioned toward the front of the house.  “I really don’t mean to seem rude Russell, but I am tired.”
    He nodded, noticing the circles under her eyes seemed darker than they had earlier in the afternoon, and got up to follow her to the front door.  She did seem exhausted, but he hadn’t really noticed until she mentioned it.  He could see it in the way she was carrying herself.  “Can I come back tomorrow?” he asked as he stepped onto the front porch.  “I want us to go sign him up for school and then maybe go to the ranch and let him ride Misty.  He didn’t get to do that today.”
    “That’s fine.  As long as we don’t have plans, you can get Randy any time you’d like.  I’ll never keep him from you.”
    “I know.  Thank you, Leigh.  He is the best