Looking for X by Deborah Ellis Page A

I recited it correctly, and when I was done, Tammy said, “Once more, with feeling,” which is an old joke of ours, so I knew I was out of the dog house.
    â€œCan I have my atlases back?”
    â€œWell, I should make you wait until I’ve had time to make sure your school work is correct.”
    I held my breath. Juba and Tammy laughed at the expression on my face. Tammy went into her room to get my atlases.
    Mom’s room is different from the rest of the apartment. “I must have one haven of femininity in this apartment filled with boys and explorers!” she says. The room is all pink and yellow, with lots of dainty things she’s picked up at the Goodwill and yard sales over the years. It’s a pretty room, although I wouldn’t like to have one like it.
    In her closet, she keeps some of her costumes from when she was a dancer. I used to play dress-up with them when I was a little kid. Now that I’m too old to dress up myself, I sometimes dress up the boys. Tammy’s old costumes are great dress-up clothes — feather boas, capes, sparkly things. It’s hard to imagine Tammy even wearing that stuff. These days, she wears only jeans and sweaters. She dresses like me, only tidier.
    I don’t go into Tammy’s room without her permission (unless I need her during the night) and she doesn’t go into my alcove. I don’t mess with her stuff unless she says it’s okay, and she doesn’t mess with mine. One of the main reasons I won’t do drugs is that Tammy says any hint of me smoking dope means she gets to “plow through my stuff like there’s no tomorrow.” I like my privacy.
    Tammy handed me my atlases, and I crawled into bed with them. I have three atlases now — a Canadian atlas, a little kid’s atlas that I keep because it has photographs in it of faraway places,and a thick world atlas. They’re a little out of date — we bought them at the Goodwill — but I still love them.
    I plotted a journey across Egypt, following the Nile River from the Mediterranean Sea to Lake Nasser, until it was time to go to sleep.
    Tammy came in to kiss me goodnight.
    â€œI’m proud of you,” she said. “It was a long, hard week for you, and you came through it really well.”
    â€œCan we do something tomorrow? All of us? Could we go to Riverdale Farm?” Riverdale Farm is a real farm, with pigs and horses and chickens, a few blocks from our place. Tammy lets me go there alone, but it’s more fun to go with my whole family.
    Tammy hesitated. Then she said, “As a matter of fact, we can do something. We can go see the boys’ new home tomorrow.”
    I sat up on my elbows. “What?”
    â€œThe social worker will be by in the morning to drive us there. We’ll be spending the night there, to help get the boys used to it. I was going to leave you with Juba, but I’d much rather you came with us.”
    â€œYou’re still doing that? I said I didn’t want you to.” I sat all the way up. My head bumped the ceiling. If I grew any more, we’d have to get a taller apartment.
    â€œLower your voice, young lady. If you wake up your brothers, you’ll be the one sitting up with them all night.”
    â€œYou’re still giving them away?”
    Tammy turned off my light. “Go to sleep, Khyber. I’d love to have you come with us tomorrow, but if you don’t want to, you can go to Juba’s after your job. We won’t be back until late Sunday evening.”
    â€œI won’t go to Juba’s!”
    â€œYes, you will. You’re a pain in the neck sometimes, but you’re basically a good kid. You won’t give me anything extra to worry about. Now, goodnight.”
    She tried to kiss me, but I pulled away from her. She went back to the kitchen.
    I turned my light on again. “I’ll show her,” I grumbled. I half hoped Tammy would hear me and come