Losing Faith by Scotty Cade Page A

he think he was ready to do it now?
    After about an hour of figuratively smacking himself on the forehead over and over again for getting himself in this situation, Cullen gave up and left the familiarity of his park bench and the Riverwalk behind. He strolled toward the marina but stopped when he reached North Howe and heard the sound of children’s laughter.
    Something about the sound instantly transported Cullen back to the Church of Saint Mary of the Harbor in P-town and the children’s Sunday morning Bible study. He felt his lips begin to curl at the edges until a full-on smile consumed his face. He remembered the sounds he’d heard every Sunday morning before service as parents dropped off their two- to five-year-olds. “Bible study” for them was more like arts and crafts time, but the themes always surrounded stories from the Bible, and the kids really loved it. Most Sundays, right after service, Cullen would say good-bye to his congregation, and he and Cole would run down to the basement classroom and spend a little time with the youngsters.
    Without fail, when they reached the halfway point in the stairwell, he and Cole would hear the children’s laughter coming from the classroom. The laughter today, much like back then, warmed his heart. He and Cole had always wanted children.
    No! Determined not to ruin this moment, Cullen mumbled. “I’ll leave that disappointment for another time.”
    Cullen looked at his watch and decided he had time to take a little detour. He followed the laughter and the aroma of grilling hot dogs and hamburgers until he reached a quaint little square. On the corner was a sign that read Franklin Square Park. In the center of the space stood a small gazebo, and he noticed a young couple setting up for what looked like a puppet show. There were at least two dozen little children running around and jumping up and down in anticipation.
    Lingering at the edge of the park, Cullen stopped and took in the scene. It could have been Anytown, USA. The massive moss-covered oak trees spread over the grounds like a natural green leafy canopy. Underneath, picnic blankets spread out everywhere, and moms entertained toddlers and infants while dads played ball with the older children. It looked like a scene right off a Hallmark greeting card. Suddenly trumpets sounded, and all the kids stopped what they were doing and ran to the gazebo. They instantly settled down in front of the small puppet stage and waited patiently.
    Apparently not their first time at a puppet show!
    Music started to play, the curtain went up, and two marionettes dressed like a young prince and princess started singing and dancing, bowing and leaping. Cullen smiled as the kids squealed with delight. Everyone was having such a great time. A seemingly perfect Saturday morning in a perfect little town, with perfect little families, all leading their perfect little lives.
    A stab of the familiar pain hit Cullen hard. His mood quickly turned solemn, and he was once again reminded of how much he’d lost. He had no husband, no children, not even his faith. Losing faith and leaving his church had been as hard as losing Cole. The church had been his life until God added Cole to it.
    And then took him away , Cullen reminded himself. God and his church had turned their backs on him, and now he had nothing.
    Am I crazy? What kind of person begrudges people who are living and enjoying their lives? His smile disappeared. Crazy, bitter people! Just! Like! You!
    In danger of being suffocated by the loneliness and emptiness, he turned and started walking away. As the aromas, music, and laughter faded into the background, Cullen’s first thought was to go back to the marina, ready his boat, and simply shove off. Charleston was looking better and better, and he could escape all of this if he just left. That was his plan for a few blocks. At least until his rational brain reminded him that he would be doing exactly what he’d done for the last