Lost in Us by Heidi McLaughlin Page B

I’m just incredibly thankful that he wants to spend time with me. I don’t deserve it.
    My steps are staggered, and I feel like I’ve been run over by a diesel truck minus the tire treads. Ryan looks up and pockets his phone, his smile bright and welcoming. I wish that alone were enough to ease my stomach.
    “Are you feeling okay? You look a little green.”
    I shake my head but have to stop and close my eyes to keep my equilibrium intact. “As much as I want to be here, Ryan, I need to go back to my hotel.”
    “Okay, let’s get a cab.” Ryan places his arm around me, and I mold to his side, resting my head between his shoulder and chest. I’ve missed this and hate knowing he’s only doing it because I’m sick. Once we’re inside, he pulls me to him. I’m fighting the hope that’s building that this means more than it does, but my heart is screaming at me to accept it, to run with it. Sadly, if I did that I’d probably get five steps away before he cuts me off or reminds me that he has a girlfriend.
    I close my eyes for the duration of the cab ride. The stop-and-go motion isn’t helping my queasiness at all. The driver comes to a screeching halt making me so thankful that we’re out of this metal contraption. Now only an elevator ride and I’m home free.
    “I’ll pay you back for the cab ride,” I mumble as we walk through the lobby. It hasn’t escaped my notice that the paparazzi haven’t been around today. Maybe someone more famous is in town, garnering all their attention. Whatever it may be, I’m thankful that I’m not being caught looking the way I do.
    Ryan rifles through my purse to find my hotel key while I stand against the wall with my hands on my knees, bent at the waist. To say I’m pissed at myself would be an understatement. He calls to take me out and this happens. I know our days together are probably few and far between, and I need to make the most of the days that he’s offering. Today was a total fail.
    “Let’s get you into bed.” Ryan picks me up and cradles me to his chest, kicking the door shut behind us. Any other time, I’d say this is romantic. I’m just grateful that I don’t have to walk.
    “I need some water.”
    “I’ll get it for you, don’t worry. I won’t leave you.” I pretend that his words aren’t phasing me, but the truth is that my heart is now beating so fast I’m sure he can hear it. He sets me down gently on the bed and quickly works to remove my shoes.
    “Where are your pajamas?”
    “In the bathroom, I’ll get them,” I say, attempting to stand. I have to hang onto the bed, but I’m determined to make it there before him.
    “I’ll do it, Hadley, just lie down.” Ryan sidesteps me and beats me to the bathroom. I accept the inevitable and sit down. When he comes out, he’s holding his t-shirt and boxers. I try to smile, but it turns more into a smirk.
    “I missed you; they made me feel close to you.” I shrug. Ryan’s grin is small, but I see it. I try not to see too much in that smile and just relish in the fact that he’s here, helping me out. He could’ve bailed by now.
    “Um… I’ll just let you change.”
    I nod, remembering the last time I was sick he did everything for me. We even soaked in our garden tub until the water ran cold. Not this time though. I sigh when the bedroom door clicks leaving me surrounded by silence. I hate the quiet. I change as quickly as my body allows me to move. I’m feeling better than I was, but still very queasy.
    Ryan knocks just as I slip his t-shirt over my head. “Come in.”
    The door opens and Ryan steps in with a tray of food. I look at him questioningly. “Where did you get that?”
    “Room service.”
    “I’m aware of that, but they’re never this fast.”
    “I ordered it online. It’s just soup and some toast, nothing much until we know you can keep it down,” he says, walking over to my nightstand and positioning the tray so it doesn’t fall. “In you go.” Ryan pulls