this. I wanted to punch myself in the face.
Saul pursed his lips. “I don’t want a girlfriend, Soph. You know that. Is there a reason you’re asking me these questions?” he answered, but his tone was clipped.
Be brave.
“I like you.”
“I like you too, Soph.”
“Saul, stop!” I said and stopped walking.
Saul took another step and realised I wasn’t next to him. He spun around and stared at me. I stepped right up to him, we were now firmly in each other’s personal space.
“I like you,” I whispered. His eyes widened and he clenched his teeth. “Saul?” I was worried now.
“Can’t do this, Soph. Sorry,” he told me taking a step backward. Still staring at me for a second he then spun around and walked off.
I didn’t move for a minute, unsure of what had happened and how I’d managed to get things so wrong.
I was jerked out of my trance when I heard Con shout, “Saul, bro, where are you going?”
And Saul replied, “Later Con.” He flicked his wrist while walking away. All, without as much as a backward glance. Saul texted me later while I sat in my bedroom trying to be quiet and invisible because my mother had company.
Saul: Sorry about today.
I didn’t reply and a few minutes later he texted me again.
Saul: I’ll always be your friend Soph. That’s all I can offer.
That was just one of the times I’d been brushed off by Saul. There have been many. Because I was a glutton for punishment.
I look over at Dane wishing I could love someone other than Saul. My life would be so much easier if I could get over him. But it’s been over ten years and I still love him. The closest I’ve ever come to getting past it was with Dane. I don’t know if I would have fallen in love with Dane if we’d been together in a more formal way. What I do know is that there is no chance of that happening now. That ship has sailed and, to be honest, I like how things are between the two of us now. Dane is a friend and knowing he’s both Pea and Saul’s brother, I think friends is the safe option.
“What are you thinking, Tink?” he asks.
“Just that you’re right.” I sigh resting my elbows on the table and propping my head in my hands. “I love him, I always have. You’re wrong about one thing though. He doesn’t love me. He never has.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him by continuing, “Look Dane, I’m willing to accept that there may be a small chance that he does like me. But it doesn’t matter because if that’s true, then it just means he’s determined to do everything in his power to avoid and bury those feelings. Either way it’s never going to happen.”
“Then he’s a fucking idiot,” Dane states.
A few hours later and I feel more relaxed. I’m laying across the sofa in the family room and Dane has the television on. We’ve been watching films, but in truth I’ve just been thinking about things, the television being more like white noise in the background.
“Dane.”
“Yeah?”
“I was just wondering, how you knew about my feelings?”
He sits up and rubs his chin. “I didn’t…well, what I mean is, I’ve always suspected that you had strong feelings for Saul. I never really understood why you two hadn’t got together. But with the way our relationship has been over the years, and never really knowing those guys, it never seemed appropriate to ask.”
I nod at him and he continues, “When I came into this group, I could see how much stronger your feelings for Saul actually are, just by watching you two interact. You may choose not to believe me, but I’m a guy and even though I don’t know Saul very well, he does have some of my DNA running through him. So trust me when I say, he has feelings for you too. I can’t know how strong they are or what is holding him back, but something is definitely stopping him from claiming you.”
“Claiming me?” I say raising my eyebrows at him.
“Calm down, bra burner!”
Saul pursed his lips. “I don’t want a girlfriend, Soph. You know that. Is there a reason you’re asking me these questions?” he answered, but his tone was clipped.
Be brave.
“I like you.”
“I like you too, Soph.”
“Saul, stop!” I said and stopped walking.
Saul took another step and realised I wasn’t next to him. He spun around and stared at me. I stepped right up to him, we were now firmly in each other’s personal space.
“I like you,” I whispered. His eyes widened and he clenched his teeth. “Saul?” I was worried now.
“Can’t do this, Soph. Sorry,” he told me taking a step backward. Still staring at me for a second he then spun around and walked off.
I didn’t move for a minute, unsure of what had happened and how I’d managed to get things so wrong.
I was jerked out of my trance when I heard Con shout, “Saul, bro, where are you going?”
And Saul replied, “Later Con.” He flicked his wrist while walking away. All, without as much as a backward glance. Saul texted me later while I sat in my bedroom trying to be quiet and invisible because my mother had company.
Saul: Sorry about today.
I didn’t reply and a few minutes later he texted me again.
Saul: I’ll always be your friend Soph. That’s all I can offer.
That was just one of the times I’d been brushed off by Saul. There have been many. Because I was a glutton for punishment.
I look over at Dane wishing I could love someone other than Saul. My life would be so much easier if I could get over him. But it’s been over ten years and I still love him. The closest I’ve ever come to getting past it was with Dane. I don’t know if I would have fallen in love with Dane if we’d been together in a more formal way. What I do know is that there is no chance of that happening now. That ship has sailed and, to be honest, I like how things are between the two of us now. Dane is a friend and knowing he’s both Pea and Saul’s brother, I think friends is the safe option.
“What are you thinking, Tink?” he asks.
“Just that you’re right.” I sigh resting my elbows on the table and propping my head in my hands. “I love him, I always have. You’re wrong about one thing though. He doesn’t love me. He never has.”
He opens his mouth to say something, but I stop him by continuing, “Look Dane, I’m willing to accept that there may be a small chance that he does like me. But it doesn’t matter because if that’s true, then it just means he’s determined to do everything in his power to avoid and bury those feelings. Either way it’s never going to happen.”
“Then he’s a fucking idiot,” Dane states.
A few hours later and I feel more relaxed. I’m laying across the sofa in the family room and Dane has the television on. We’ve been watching films, but in truth I’ve just been thinking about things, the television being more like white noise in the background.
“Dane.”
“Yeah?”
“I was just wondering, how you knew about my feelings?”
He sits up and rubs his chin. “I didn’t…well, what I mean is, I’ve always suspected that you had strong feelings for Saul. I never really understood why you two hadn’t got together. But with the way our relationship has been over the years, and never really knowing those guys, it never seemed appropriate to ask.”
I nod at him and he continues, “When I came into this group, I could see how much stronger your feelings for Saul actually are, just by watching you two interact. You may choose not to believe me, but I’m a guy and even though I don’t know Saul very well, he does have some of my DNA running through him. So trust me when I say, he has feelings for you too. I can’t know how strong they are or what is holding him back, but something is definitely stopping him from claiming you.”
“Claiming me?” I say raising my eyebrows at him.
“Calm down, bra burner!”
Similar Books
