relationship. There had never been a chance he
wouldn’t discover what was going on. Daniel had always known that.
“Don’t play coy, Daniel. It doesn’t suit you. And I don’t
require it.” James walked back behind his little table full of correspondence
and sat down again. “I am giving you what you want.”
“No. No, you’re not.” Daniel walked over and rested his
fists on the table, leaning over until they were face-to-face. “I do not want
Ashbury in your service. I do not want him at risk.”
“At risk? Has it escaped your notice that we are at war?
That Ashbury is an officer?” James scoffed incredulously. “Daniel, he’s at risk
every moment he’s here. The chances are very good he’s going to die. Surely you
know that. Don’t fool yourself otherwise. Working for me or continuing his
service in the dragoons—either way he will die.”
Daniel had trouble breathing as he digested James’
assessment. Daniel had told himself the same things time and again, and yet
hearing it spoken aloud as if it were fated to pass made him sick. “He will not
die,” he said in a rough whisper. “I won’t let him.”
James reached out and gently covered one of Daniel’s hands
with his. “You cannot prevent it,” he said quietly. “I thought to give him to
you for as long as I could.”
Daniel shook his head, trying to clear the image from his
mind. “Why?” he asked. “I don’t understand you.”
“Don’t you?” James lifted his hand from Daniel’s and leaned
back in his chair. “I would do anything for you. I think you are the only one
who doesn’t realize that.”
“What?” Daniel was flabbergasted as James’ admission. “But
we…that is…I didn’t realize.”
James smiled. He was back to his usual enigmatic behavior.
Self-contained and secretive and so sublimely amused by everyone and
everything. “Of course you didn’t. What I’m saying is that if you want Ashbury,
I will get him for you. That’s all.”
“I don’t want him.”
“Liar.”
Daniel gritted his teeth and made a frustrated sound as he
spun away from James. “Not that way. I don’t want to own him. I…what we have is
fine. I don’t want more.”
“You already have more. If that’s not what you want, then
you should inform your lieutenant. I don’t believe he understands what you
need.”
“And you do?” Daniel had gotten himself under control. “You
presume.”
“I do. I have known you a long time, Daniel. And I have
known you intimately. You have always needed more.”
“Need and want are two different things.”
“Touché.” James got up again and followed in Daniel’s
footsteps until they faced one another again. “Let me give this to you,
Daniel,” he whispered. He broke all protocol and unspoken rules between them by
caressing Daniel’s cheek tenderly with his forefinger. “I will give you
anything you want. Anything.”
“I don’t want Harry here. I don’t want him working here, for
you, at risk. I know we’re at war, but what you and I do here is…it’s ugly,
Barnabas. You know it is. Don’t bring Harry into that. He’s not part of that.
He’s different.” Daniel felt as if he’d opened up a vein to reveal even that
much to James.
“Then I will keep him safe for you,” he said quietly. “Is
that what you want? Be very clear, Daniel. Because I will do it. For you.”
Daniel couldn’t breathe under that sort of pressure. James
was all-powerful in this world. He controlled life and death here far more
effectively than his lordship or Napoleon. This was his world, a world of chaos
and death and, if he chose, life. And he was offering all that power to Daniel.
“Why?”
“You are my conscience,” James said, still quiet, still secretive,
his face closed and his emotions leashed as he made confessions that would
break lesser men. “You keep me grounded and sane in this insane place and time.
You are a good thing in this living hell. You have made me forget, for
wouldn’t discover what was going on. Daniel had always known that.
“Don’t play coy, Daniel. It doesn’t suit you. And I don’t
require it.” James walked back behind his little table full of correspondence
and sat down again. “I am giving you what you want.”
“No. No, you’re not.” Daniel walked over and rested his
fists on the table, leaning over until they were face-to-face. “I do not want
Ashbury in your service. I do not want him at risk.”
“At risk? Has it escaped your notice that we are at war?
That Ashbury is an officer?” James scoffed incredulously. “Daniel, he’s at risk
every moment he’s here. The chances are very good he’s going to die. Surely you
know that. Don’t fool yourself otherwise. Working for me or continuing his
service in the dragoons—either way he will die.”
Daniel had trouble breathing as he digested James’
assessment. Daniel had told himself the same things time and again, and yet
hearing it spoken aloud as if it were fated to pass made him sick. “He will not
die,” he said in a rough whisper. “I won’t let him.”
James reached out and gently covered one of Daniel’s hands
with his. “You cannot prevent it,” he said quietly. “I thought to give him to
you for as long as I could.”
Daniel shook his head, trying to clear the image from his
mind. “Why?” he asked. “I don’t understand you.”
“Don’t you?” James lifted his hand from Daniel’s and leaned
back in his chair. “I would do anything for you. I think you are the only one
who doesn’t realize that.”
“What?” Daniel was flabbergasted as James’ admission. “But
we…that is…I didn’t realize.”
James smiled. He was back to his usual enigmatic behavior.
Self-contained and secretive and so sublimely amused by everyone and
everything. “Of course you didn’t. What I’m saying is that if you want Ashbury,
I will get him for you. That’s all.”
“I don’t want him.”
“Liar.”
Daniel gritted his teeth and made a frustrated sound as he
spun away from James. “Not that way. I don’t want to own him. I…what we have is
fine. I don’t want more.”
“You already have more. If that’s not what you want, then
you should inform your lieutenant. I don’t believe he understands what you
need.”
“And you do?” Daniel had gotten himself under control. “You
presume.”
“I do. I have known you a long time, Daniel. And I have
known you intimately. You have always needed more.”
“Need and want are two different things.”
“Touché.” James got up again and followed in Daniel’s
footsteps until they faced one another again. “Let me give this to you,
Daniel,” he whispered. He broke all protocol and unspoken rules between them by
caressing Daniel’s cheek tenderly with his forefinger. “I will give you
anything you want. Anything.”
“I don’t want Harry here. I don’t want him working here, for
you, at risk. I know we’re at war, but what you and I do here is…it’s ugly,
Barnabas. You know it is. Don’t bring Harry into that. He’s not part of that.
He’s different.” Daniel felt as if he’d opened up a vein to reveal even that
much to James.
“Then I will keep him safe for you,” he said quietly. “Is
that what you want? Be very clear, Daniel. Because I will do it. For you.”
Daniel couldn’t breathe under that sort of pressure. James
was all-powerful in this world. He controlled life and death here far more
effectively than his lordship or Napoleon. This was his world, a world of chaos
and death and, if he chose, life. And he was offering all that power to Daniel.
“Why?”
“You are my conscience,” James said, still quiet, still secretive,
his face closed and his emotions leashed as he made confessions that would
break lesser men. “You keep me grounded and sane in this insane place and time.
You are a good thing in this living hell. You have made me forget, for
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