anyway. I wanted everything to be perfect. I put on a black shirt, a tan suede skirt and black heels and set off for his house.
When I got there, he had a hundred candles lit in his room and he was at least as nervous as I was, if not more. I took off my shoes and lay down on the bed. He followed, wrapped his arms around me and brought his face near to mine.
“I love you, Kit. I always have and I always will.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
My heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. He kissed me and began to take my clothes off. I wondered how this moment compared to all of the times I’d imagined it in the past.
I still had no idea how we were going to make it work but I was certain that somehow we would be together. I felt sure and secure and was suddenly devoid of all my anxieties. I had found the peace I’d been grappling for.
Or so I thought.
January, 2001.
I had cut my knee a few times that first semester before Chase and I had things moderately settled, which had in turn settled me; however, upon returning to school from the holidays, I found the unease crawling back into me and I searched for another way to feel relief from the stress of feeling out of control of my life.
Megan and I made friends with a girl who was in her sorority and who was in my recording technology class. Brittany was a year older than us and seemed to me to be extremely self-assured. She was always laughing at someone or something. She wore giant fake blonde ponytails and tons of mascara. She was taller than us and wore tight jeans and preppy sweaters over her curves. One night she invited us over to her Belmont apartment to hang out with her roommate and some guys.
It was much harder for Belmont to enforce their rules at the apartments. There were no cameras or afront desk. When we got there they had all been drinking and were talking very loudly. Once they caught on that Megan and I had never had a drink before, they decided it was their calling to show us how it was done. Brittany’s boyfriend poured me a shot of Jack Daniels and popped open a can of Diet Coke.
“Okay, the Diet Coke is your chaser,” he explained. “Have a little sip first then down the shot as fast as you can. Don’t even let it hit your mouth, just straight down your throat. Then drink more Coke to get the taste out.”
Oh my gosh. This is going to be awful. But...well, why not?
I couldn’t think of one good reason not to do it so I braced myself and then drankthe shot, finding it hard not to taste the strong liquor. The flavor lingered and my throat burned. I coughed a little butquickly drank from the Coke can again.
Not bad at all , I thought.
Everything changed.
March, 2001.
My college friends and I were still too young to take a worthwhile spring break trip so most of us went home. My parents were out of town, which suited me perfectly. One night Chase stayed over but the next night he had plans and I wanted to see the girls. Meredith brought some girlfriends with her from high school who came along with liquor and jello shots. Then the guys showed up with beer. We all got tanked and someone threw up in my parents’ bathtub. A lot had changed in the seven or eight months I’d been gone.
I cleaned the house as best I could the next day. My parents still trusted me and I was letting them down; at least they didn’t have to know about it.
Aside from our less-than-upstanding
When I got there, he had a hundred candles lit in his room and he was at least as nervous as I was, if not more. I took off my shoes and lay down on the bed. He followed, wrapped his arms around me and brought his face near to mine.
“I love you, Kit. I always have and I always will.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered.
My heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode. He kissed me and began to take my clothes off. I wondered how this moment compared to all of the times I’d imagined it in the past.
I still had no idea how we were going to make it work but I was certain that somehow we would be together. I felt sure and secure and was suddenly devoid of all my anxieties. I had found the peace I’d been grappling for.
Or so I thought.
January, 2001.
I had cut my knee a few times that first semester before Chase and I had things moderately settled, which had in turn settled me; however, upon returning to school from the holidays, I found the unease crawling back into me and I searched for another way to feel relief from the stress of feeling out of control of my life.
Megan and I made friends with a girl who was in her sorority and who was in my recording technology class. Brittany was a year older than us and seemed to me to be extremely self-assured. She was always laughing at someone or something. She wore giant fake blonde ponytails and tons of mascara. She was taller than us and wore tight jeans and preppy sweaters over her curves. One night she invited us over to her Belmont apartment to hang out with her roommate and some guys.
It was much harder for Belmont to enforce their rules at the apartments. There were no cameras or afront desk. When we got there they had all been drinking and were talking very loudly. Once they caught on that Megan and I had never had a drink before, they decided it was their calling to show us how it was done. Brittany’s boyfriend poured me a shot of Jack Daniels and popped open a can of Diet Coke.
“Okay, the Diet Coke is your chaser,” he explained. “Have a little sip first then down the shot as fast as you can. Don’t even let it hit your mouth, just straight down your throat. Then drink more Coke to get the taste out.”
Oh my gosh. This is going to be awful. But...well, why not?
I couldn’t think of one good reason not to do it so I braced myself and then drankthe shot, finding it hard not to taste the strong liquor. The flavor lingered and my throat burned. I coughed a little butquickly drank from the Coke can again.
Not bad at all , I thought.
Everything changed.
March, 2001.
My college friends and I were still too young to take a worthwhile spring break trip so most of us went home. My parents were out of town, which suited me perfectly. One night Chase stayed over but the next night he had plans and I wanted to see the girls. Meredith brought some girlfriends with her from high school who came along with liquor and jello shots. Then the guys showed up with beer. We all got tanked and someone threw up in my parents’ bathtub. A lot had changed in the seven or eight months I’d been gone.
I cleaned the house as best I could the next day. My parents still trusted me and I was letting them down; at least they didn’t have to know about it.
Aside from our less-than-upstanding
Similar Books
