actions. She soon sliced her hand and stopped. “That hurts.”
“You get used to it.”
Juana began fidgeting around.
“Is there anything you know how to do, Juana?”
Maria wasn’t cross with her friend. She was just teasing her a little.
“Oh, sure. I can sing.” She began singing very
badly and Maria stopped her.
“You sound like a trampled puppy.”
“Hmm!” She thought for a moment. “I can burp
words.”
“That’s handy.”
“Oh, it’s funny.” She took in a deep breath and
burped. “Ma-ri-a.” And smiled. “I can burp a lot better with beer. I wish we
had some right now.”
“What else can you do?” Maria liked the sound
of her name burped.
“Well, I can make farting noises with my hand
and my armpit.” She reached under her arm with her hand and began flopping it
at the elbow, emitting fart-like sounds. Maria smiled and held her nose.
“You’re stinking up the place.”
They giggled. It was the first time the walls
had echoed giggles in many years. It sounded happy in there.
Juana stood up and surveyed the place. “Poor
pagans.”
“What’s that?”
“Pagans. People who didn’t know Jesus. They’re
pagans. All the savages, like you, who don’t know of God and Jesus. You’re
called pagans.”
Maria kept working and wondered if Juana wasn’t
making such words up in her head.
“How do you know?”
“A priest. He was a drunk and took up with the
whores. He used to talk a lot when he was only half drunk.”
“What did he do when he was all drunk?”
“Fall on his face.”
They both giggled at that.
“And he told you about the people here?”
“Oh, sure. That’s how I knew about it, about
the caves and the people. But I thought he was lying. I didn’t know we’d really
find it.” She looked around and regarded their handiwork. “Too bad they all
went to hell.” She sighed and regarded Maria. She liked to hold court and leak
out little bits of information to her friend. It made her feel very
intelligent.
Maria was intrigued. She’d heard of heaven and
hell, certainly, but never gave it much thought. She figured hell was for very
bad people like bandits and cutthroats and that everyone else just
automatically went to heaven when they died. She didn’t know that one must know
of and believe in Jesus to avoid hell. This didn’t make much sense to her and
she figured she’d probe Juana a little. She liked Juana and was entertained by
her, but was not completely certain that Juana knew as much as she let on.
She’d probably gotten much of this information wrong from this priest, or maybe
the priest was wrong or addle-brained or drunk when he was telling it and told
Juana a lot of bad stories. She decided to get her new friend to talk.
“So, what is this priest, then?”
“Oh, he’s the man of God. He usually wears all
black and he lives in a church and performs the miracle at mass.”
“What’s mass and what’s a miracle?” Every new
concept made Maria even more confused and Juana sensed this. She huffed and sat
down.
“Okay, let’s start at the beginning.”
Maria put her partially completed basket down
and looked Juana in the eye.
“Okay, Maria. Many years ago an angel came down
from heaven and found the Virgin Maria. The angel told the Virgin she was going
to have a baby, but she wasn’t going to have relations with a man. You now,
they wouldn’t do it.”
“Yes.”
“So, then Jesus was born. He had the Virgin for
a mother and God was his father. But he was God too.”
“I see.”
“So, in order to go to heaven, you have to know
Jesus and go to church whenever you can and eat his body.”
“What?” Maria looked, confused. “What do you
mean?”
“Well, it’s not really his body. Well, it is,
but its bread, and the priest does a magic trick and turns bread into his body
and wine into his blood.”
“Now you’re just being silly.” Maria started to
resume work on her basket, then thought of something. “So why did
“You get used to it.”
Juana began fidgeting around.
“Is there anything you know how to do, Juana?”
Maria wasn’t cross with her friend. She was just teasing her a little.
“Oh, sure. I can sing.” She began singing very
badly and Maria stopped her.
“You sound like a trampled puppy.”
“Hmm!” She thought for a moment. “I can burp
words.”
“That’s handy.”
“Oh, it’s funny.” She took in a deep breath and
burped. “Ma-ri-a.” And smiled. “I can burp a lot better with beer. I wish we
had some right now.”
“What else can you do?” Maria liked the sound
of her name burped.
“Well, I can make farting noises with my hand
and my armpit.” She reached under her arm with her hand and began flopping it
at the elbow, emitting fart-like sounds. Maria smiled and held her nose.
“You’re stinking up the place.”
They giggled. It was the first time the walls
had echoed giggles in many years. It sounded happy in there.
Juana stood up and surveyed the place. “Poor
pagans.”
“What’s that?”
“Pagans. People who didn’t know Jesus. They’re
pagans. All the savages, like you, who don’t know of God and Jesus. You’re
called pagans.”
Maria kept working and wondered if Juana wasn’t
making such words up in her head.
“How do you know?”
“A priest. He was a drunk and took up with the
whores. He used to talk a lot when he was only half drunk.”
“What did he do when he was all drunk?”
“Fall on his face.”
They both giggled at that.
“And he told you about the people here?”
“Oh, sure. That’s how I knew about it, about
the caves and the people. But I thought he was lying. I didn’t know we’d really
find it.” She looked around and regarded their handiwork. “Too bad they all
went to hell.” She sighed and regarded Maria. She liked to hold court and leak
out little bits of information to her friend. It made her feel very
intelligent.
Maria was intrigued. She’d heard of heaven and
hell, certainly, but never gave it much thought. She figured hell was for very
bad people like bandits and cutthroats and that everyone else just
automatically went to heaven when they died. She didn’t know that one must know
of and believe in Jesus to avoid hell. This didn’t make much sense to her and
she figured she’d probe Juana a little. She liked Juana and was entertained by
her, but was not completely certain that Juana knew as much as she let on.
She’d probably gotten much of this information wrong from this priest, or maybe
the priest was wrong or addle-brained or drunk when he was telling it and told
Juana a lot of bad stories. She decided to get her new friend to talk.
“So, what is this priest, then?”
“Oh, he’s the man of God. He usually wears all
black and he lives in a church and performs the miracle at mass.”
“What’s mass and what’s a miracle?” Every new
concept made Maria even more confused and Juana sensed this. She huffed and sat
down.
“Okay, let’s start at the beginning.”
Maria put her partially completed basket down
and looked Juana in the eye.
“Okay, Maria. Many years ago an angel came down
from heaven and found the Virgin Maria. The angel told the Virgin she was going
to have a baby, but she wasn’t going to have relations with a man. You now,
they wouldn’t do it.”
“Yes.”
“So, then Jesus was born. He had the Virgin for
a mother and God was his father. But he was God too.”
“I see.”
“So, in order to go to heaven, you have to know
Jesus and go to church whenever you can and eat his body.”
“What?” Maria looked, confused. “What do you
mean?”
“Well, it’s not really his body. Well, it is,
but its bread, and the priest does a magic trick and turns bread into his body
and wine into his blood.”
“Now you’re just being silly.” Maria started to
resume work on her basket, then thought of something. “So why did
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